GETTING FIT AND LOVING IT

A New Adventure

2011-12-11T16:56:00.000-05:00

I have decided to return to ... and expand ... my blogging. While this site has introduced me to so many wonderful people ... I feel like I need to do so much more.

So ... I am retiring this blog because I feel it's too restrictive for what I want to accomplish in blogland. But I do hope that you will join me at my new blog "Living, Laughing and Learning". You can reach me here .... I do hope you'll join me on my new adventure ...

But I still have all of your contact info ... so I will be by more often to visit. And if we don't chat ... I hope everyone has a wonderful Christmas/Holiday Season and an amazing 2012!

Just a quick hello

2011-11-28T21:13:00.000-05:00

I have not disappeared completely. So many things have been happening the past couple of months.

I've made amazing progress ... still not sure .. other than an intense desire to make changes, along with an amazing health coach and the best husband I could possibly ask for and a wonderful support network. What a team I have!

My focus has shifted, expanded somewhat. I promise I will be back ... stay tuned for much adventure!

My True Calling

2011-10-24T21:10:00.000-04:00

I know I need a change in career. That scares the living be-jeepers out of me. I've been in the same line of business for almost 25 years. I mentioned it to my coach a couple of weeks ago. Then didn't mention it again. He knows me so well for someone who hasn't known me for long. But it's not about quantity ... it's about quality. And he's been doing this a long time. So last week he asked me what I saw myself doing as a career when I was 65.

I don't know exactly. I know I need to be involved with people. With helping them. With guiding them. Supporting them in their quest for a healthier, fitter, happier life. I have always been a people person and when I worked as a receptionist, then an admin assistant, I had lots of contact with the "outside world" ... I was able to help people. My last 6 years (my anniversary with my current company is on Hallowe'en (how appropriate)) has been sitting at a desk, trying to focus (this has always been a challenge for me) on one document at a time. Things are a lot better recently. But I still need to make a move. And it still scares the hell out of me.

So I'm off to see Andrew (aka "him" ... I figured everyone, especially Barry, was getting tired of hearing "Andrew this and Andrew that" so I call him "him" ... which "he" gets a kick out of) tomorrow (Tuesday) for a massage (I can't wait) and to talk about the future ... and what I plan to do about it.

I really don't know what to call what I want to do. Life/Health Coach? Quite possibly. I want to make a difference in peoples lives. I want to help them be happier ... healthier ... get the most out of life. I see far too many people who are bogged down by the mundane things in life ... too many people who are coasting ... or worse ... muddling ... through life. They don't look at you. They're either too busy with their smartphones, busy in their own minds, trying to keep everything straight ... maybe they're tired .... bored ... listless ... unhappy. It's a little unsettling to just meet a stranger's eyes... although personally I find it easier to meet someone's eyes I don't know than to hold someone I do know's eyes. Especially if I find them a little unsettling ....

So I'm about to get unceremoniously kicked out of my comfort zone. I can't wait :)

Check out Gary's blog below .... he's got some great stuff ...

http://garysphotographs.blogspot.com/2010/06/overcoming-challenges.html

A revelation ... and relief ...

2011-10-16T21:02:00.000-04:00

My massage therapist that I've been seeing is also my health and lifestyle coach. Appointments have been wonderful ... making great progress ... he's very happy with and for me.

During the course of our treatment, he recommended I read a book ... Driven to Distraction ... it's the layman's bible on recognizing and coping with ADD. I am not a huge fan of "labels". I think some things (ADD being one of them) is over diagnosed. I think they're far too quick to prescribe a pill instead of dealing with the root cause. However, in reading this book, I realize that treatment for ADD encompasses several things ... only one of which is meds. Some people do not respond well to the medication.

You've probably figured out that I have ADD. I have not been officially diagnosed. But all the signs point to this. And I am actually OK with it. In fact, I'm rather relieved. It explains a LOT about why I am the way I am sometimes. I normally have 2 or 3 things on the go at the same time. My mother in law once said I was the most restless person she knew. Go figure. I struggle at work sometimes ... I can't sit still for very long ... I'm up and moving on a regular basis. My boss and I definitely do not see eye to eye. She thinks I'm completely off my rocker. She's kinda right. But I'm OK with that.

This is only the beginning of my journey with this issue. One thing that seems to be consistent ... the need for regular exercise and for structure. I'm sure that nutritionally, removing a lot of the wheat, flour, gluten and sugar out of my diet has helped. I've noticed over the years that I am at my best with regular exercise ... when I'm in a structured environment. My nature is to live in chaos. My mother used to call me a whirlwind (and maybe a bit of a slob). I tended to drop things rather than putting them away. I still struggle with this but since I've been hooked up with FLYlady.net, and I took the time to organize and clean out the house ... I'm much better. I still have my "hot spots" ... the office and laundry room are the hardest rooms for me to keep tidy. I am working on that.

I am looking at a career change ... I'm not sure what exactly ... but I want to help people. That is my nature ... not sitting behind a desk working on legal documents. Funny ... my boss had me pegged ... she just didn't "label" it.

Ultimately ... if I could have one person feel about me the way I feel about my coach ... it would make everything worthwhile.

Finally ... a breakthrough!

2011-09-25T17:37:00.001-04:00

As many of you know, I've been struggling for so long to get my weight down sufficiently. I work out ... eat reasonable portions ... drink plenty of fluids ...and I've made some progress. Quite a bit since late 2008 but I've been stuck, more or less, for way too long.

Then last week my body seized up on me ... I called the health clinic I go to and asked to see a massage therapist. I didn't care who ... I just needed to be able to move again. The newest therapist had 90 min free so off I went.

Little did I know that I would meet the man who would change my life. See, I had made a decision about a month ago to shake up my life. It started with a new look (shorter, darker hair), continued with a new attitude, and now my nutrition has changed tremendously, and I have switched back from strength training to circuit training. It's important to keep your body off balance with exercise. So ... as of today .. I do 3 days of circuit training ... 3 days of cardio and yoga ... and still take make 1 day off to rest.

Nutrition ... this is fun. First he (Andrew) took me off wheat, flour and gluten (first week). Then he took me off dairy (except for a little yogurt) and reduced my sugar and salt intake as well. Sounds like fun, huh? It's actually not that difficult. It requires some thought and some planning but I'm actually making better meals now. And I'm enjoying them. I don't think about what I'm missing ... I only think about the progress I'm making. I've lost 4 pounds in 3 weeks and lost an inch off my waist. I can't find my last measurements so I'm starting again from day 1 today. I'm FINALLY under 210. I don't remember the last time I was under that number.... I feel great ... have tons of energy (did I mention I'm off my 3 small double double coffees during the day ... green tea with a little honey instead ... and my espresso first thing in the morning but that's OK).

I said I was going to shake up my life. And I have. It's only been about 10 days or so ... it hasn't been difficult ... weird ... I don't crave foods ... I enjoy what I'm eating. All in all ... I'm loving this ... but the secret is to make a decision to change. If you truly haven't decided to do what it takes to make those changes ... they won't happen. Plain and simple.

Andrew's also got me going for about a 30 (give or take) minute walk after dinner for my digestion, then a 20 minute epsom salt bath 3 times a week. I make it a point to walk for 20-30 minutes after lunch as well.

He's really happy (maybe a little surprised) that I dived right in (typical me) and am doing this whole heartedly. Even sent him an email thanking him ... I really believe that people need to know that they are appreciated ... I don't think "we" take the time to say "thank you" enough.

I would encourage you to find a health care professional who cares enough to help you through changes. I wouldn't recommend doing anything this extreme unless under their care. But I do hope you find someone .... it truly is a blessing.

Wishing you good health and much happiness.

SOS

Everything happens for a reason ....

2011-09-14T21:47:00.004-04:00

So I was supposed to have a 90 minute massage booked last night. Unfortunately my therapist had to cancel because she had car issues. I was not happy about this but understood. I was getting desperate ... it had been months and months since I had a massage.

Well ... I got up this morning ... did my cardio workout ... stretched and went to work. Somewhere between the GO train and the office, my hamstrings, glutes, hips, back and neck decided to seize up on me. I could barely function. So ... I called my chiropractor's office and made an appointment with a massage therapist whom I did not know. BEST call this year!

He certainly had his work cut out for him. To make a long story short ... we talked about a bunch of things as he was working on me ... he gave me a list of do's and don'ts ... including no wheat for a week ... and no coffee!!!!! OMG ... I think I can live without the coffee ... except the espresso in the morning is non-negotiable...

The drill is ... no wheat ... no coffee ... loads of room temp water with slices of lemon, green tea and a little honey ... evening walk for 30 minutes AFTER dinner ... warm bath with 2 cups of epsom salts ... 3 times per week for 2 weeks. He's basically doing a mild detox with me. Although I think after the lack of wheat will be the lack of dairy! YIKES! We'll cross THAT bridge when we get there....

The funny thing is ... when I did the Atkins diet years ago ... I lost 13 pounds in 2 or 3 months ... and felt AWESOME! I had so much energy ... didn't feel weighed down by all the carbs ... so I'm basically eating protein, veggies and this time I can add fruit.

He said wanted me to reduce my circumfrence!!! What a polite way of telling me I needed to lose some fat around my middle .... lmao!

So not only is Andrew a massage therapist, he's also helps with stress management and health coaching! First time I've had a one stop shop for both physical and nutritional counselling. Woo hoo! I feel really good about this. Now I just have to work on my postural issues.

He's tough ... he's direct ... he's funny ... I LIKE HIM!!!!

So the moral of the story????? Just because things don't work out exactly as you planned ... doesn't meant that something better might not come along and totally blow you away!

Wishing you all good health and an amazing life!

400th Post

2011-09-13T18:34:00.000-04:00

Wow. I didn't realize until just now when I was about to create a post that this was my 400th. Not that I've been doing a lot of posting this summer ... I haven't been on the computer too much. That would entail being INSIDE the house....lol

Anyway, just to touch base and update you ... I've been doing OK with my workouts and my nutrition. Not quite as strict as I need to be, but this is only week 2 and it's kinda tough when travelling, long weekends ... I know, excuses, excuses .... but ... I woke up a bit late this morning ... thought about doing a lower body workout but since it was upper body day ... I did it anyway. Lunch was basically ready to go so there was no prep time needed and I didn't have to blow my hair out so it was ok. It was a good workout. I always feel so strong, so empowered after an upper body workout.

My strength is coming back ... my endurance is getting better ... I'm walking faster again (new New Balance walking shoes help), stairs are getting easier.... all this after only 9 days. Imagine my life in 10 more weeks ... which ... can you believe ... will be the O'Shea Christmas Party. YIKES! So I definitely have to keep my butt in gear ... and very important ... watch my nutrition. My caffeine intake was bad today ... so was my eyesight for some reason.

Anyway ... I spent yesterday in the gardens and this weekend should hopefully be spent there too ... only at a cooler temp (which, at this time of year is a welcome change for me). I had a 90 minute massage booked for tonight ... she had to cancel :( But it gave me time to write instead.

I used to hate September and October ... the vast majority of my family died in those months ... but my parents messed that up so ... I can either be bummed from August to November ... or I can just say "that's life" ... and continue to live mine. I am in no way belittling the death of family or friends, regardless of age or circumstance. This is just my life ... my way of coping ... besides ... not one of us is going to get out of this alive .... ;)

My attitude is getting better ... I'm not so tired (except of course for today ... I chalk it up to weather), I'm happier, possess a more positive attitude ... all in all ... things are good.

We had a great weekend in Ottawa ... visiting family ... lots of laughs ... totally adore Tammy and Simon. The weather was awesome, the traffic amazing until we hit Oshawa coming home ... so we ducked off the highway and made it home in one piece. Monday was an awesome day off. All in all ... life is great!

And, just to keep life a little on the lighter side ... for your entertainment ....

Introducing ... Gerty Goose ....

I think she's staying in the house until next Spring ... then she can join the others ...

Hug from mommy at the end of the day ....

I just LOVE this guy ....

This is the end of the day ... I'm tired ... but no, I'm not strangling my cat.

I think we were both tired at this point ... daddy LOVES to take tons of pics.

Never giving up....

2011-09-05T21:52:00.003-04:00

Sunday I hit the reset button on my workouts. I had been so consistent, doing so well, up until the spring hit and I was spending so much time out in the gardens ... between weeding and digging ... it's a lot of work. Have I enjoyed it? Absolutely! Does it replace a regular workout? Nope!

So 2 days in, my nutrition is good ... the only caffeine I've had is 1 latte (and I've reduced the amount of cream and sugar in my latte) and 2 green tea with a little honey, just for flavour. The test, of course, is going back to work tomorrow. I just have to remember to drink green tea instead of coffee ... My workouts have been great ... in fact I don't remember hurting this much for far too long ... and I feel good.

I feel ready to hit it hard again ... to commit to making a big difference in my life. I know I've said it before ... but I really didn't have the conviction that it took. This summer has been crazy busy. This weekend ... we didn't plan anything social ... we needed a break ... EVERY weekend since the end of June, we've had social commitments. Don't get me wrong, I've loved it. There were still people we missed seeing but I hope to see them before the year is out ... even if it's just at one of our parties. I've already booked 3 days in November ...it's kinda crazy. I had planned on doing a major renovation to my gardens this weekend ... it rained off and on for most of the weekend ... so I took a rest. We had some impromptu social stuff happen, I bought a few new pieces of clothing, we took care of some business. All in all, it was a fabulous weekend....

So even if you have false starts ... you try ... you falter ... you try again ... you falter again ... just keep doing it .... don't ever stop ... don't ever give up on your goals and dreams ... because if you persist ... you will eventually achieve whatever it is you want out of life.

The new me ...

2011-08-30T18:57:00.000-04:00

So here I am ... the new and improved me ...

This is more or less my natural colour. One of my favourite dresses. Standing in my front hall. Fresh from the salon.

It's been quite a hit. A few people at work didn't even recognize me ... Interestingly enough, I'm dressing better, wearing makeup, wearing heels at work, and I'm far more confident than I was. Why? Because I decided to be.

I got sick and tired of the same old same old. Tired of the complacency. So I'll get up and work out in the mornings, eat healthy, stop procrastinating (my biggest downfall) and enjoy my life.

The past few years since Barry's accident, I felt like I was along for the ride. I wasn't there yet. I wasn't ready for a big change in my life. I don't quite know how to explain it. But now I feel like I'm more on par with where he is at. Different. But similar.

And together ... we're unbeatable! I've always wanted to be a positive role model ... I feel like the stars have finally aligned ... and it's time to make the most of my life.

I hope you'll join me as I make improvements to my life ... and hopefully bring a little joy to yours.

SOS

It's time for a change.

2011-08-26T21:17:00.000-04:00

I'm not really sure what's happened to me this week. It feels like I've reached a crossroads in my life. I feel like I've been stagnant for months. I feel like I've been in overdrive since April. I need to slow down, to take more time for me, to do the things for myself that make me happy.

Don't get me wrong, spending hours outside, in the fresh air and sunshine and nature all around makes me happy. But it's been a huge amount of work this year. We've probably been more social than any year past and I wouldn't trade it ... but it's time consuming and, quite frankly, tiring when it's ever weekend for months on end. I need some down time.

So I've made some decisions. I'm changing my look. I'm changing my discipline when it comes to nutrition and workouts. I'm getting off the couch, away from the TV and on the computer and reading more often. Although I have to admit, my TV time at night is my way of decompressing from a long, tiring, mentally taxing day. I can shut my mind off. I'm going to stop procrastinating and get back to making sure the house is organized and things don't get put off. Like cutting up veggies so we have fresh veggies to eat. Like painting my toenails (it took me 2 weeks to paint my nails ... every day saying I would do it and not) so I'm not ashamed for people to see my feet. I'm changing the way I attack my job. I've let fear and lack of self confidence cripple me for far too long.

In short, it's time to get control of my life. Of our finances. Of my career. Of my body and my health. I am, however, keeping my most wonderful husband ... I couldn't do any of this without him.

So .... say goodbye to this look (profile pic) .... and be prepared to meet the "New Sandy" ... she will be revealed soon.

I miss you Mom ....

2011-08-24T21:16:00.000-04:00

Now don't go getting worried about me or feeling too bad for me. Yes, I miss my mom. She died 3 years ago today. I was so happy for her. She had a laundry list of health issues and the last 4 1/2 years of her life were spent in a nursing home. She had vascular dementia (not as bad as alzheimer's but I still couldn't take care of her at home). Toughest decision I have EVER had to make was to put her in a nursing home ... the place she vowed she'd never go to. I felt like such a bad daughter .... but I knew I was doing what needed to be done for her to keep her safe and well cared for. And, quite frankly, to keep my sanity.

I probably have a little different view of illness and death than a lot of people. I can thank my sister partly for that, for which I'm grateful. Not that I'm ready to lose anyone else close to me but when it's time, it's time. Mom was 80. She had a lot of health issues but there's something about that generation ... they're far hardier than the younger generations (mine included I think). She just kept going and going like so many of them.

I shall have to scan a couple of my favorite pics of my mom and post them. Maybe in my "wedding" post. We got married before digital cameras were common (or affordable) so everything is in print. I'll have to work on that as soon as I have a few hours to devote to it.

I will admit it ... today was a little rough. I started tearing up when I thought about her too much. But I know she's in a better place, finally joining the rest of her family. Mom ... I trust you are dancing your heart out ... listening to music all the time ... doing the things you loved to you.

Love you!

I have the best (blogging) friends

2011-08-22T20:42:00.000-04:00

I am so blessed to have met some amazing people in this community. My cheering squad. The people who always support me, always lift me up, always love me even when I'm not the most consistent.

Thank you. I love you more than words can say.

Please allow me to re-introduce myself ....

2011-08-21T17:47:00.000-04:00

This has been a crazy, crazy year. I've decided that a re-birth, so to speak, is in order. I don't think I've ever done this before, but here's a bunch of random things about me that you may or may not know.

(this pic is from my garden ...

2 different flowers on the same plant ..

says so much about me)

I'm 46 going on about 25. I refuse to acknowledge that I'm less than 4 years from 50. But in reality ... what is any age supposed to act like? I believe it depends on your lifestyle.
I'm married to an amazing man. He's perfect for me. No perfect ... just perfect for me. I can't think of anyone who would put up with either one of us this long ... 19 years together!
I'm an avid, avid gardener who thinks nothing of spending 6 or 7 hours out in the garden, weeding, moving plants, watering, etc. I sometimes find it hard to just "sit" and relax and enjoy the gardens unless I have someone else out there with me.
I love dance. I love to dance. I love to watch dancing. My mother gave me the choice at age 13 ... pursue dance or modelling. Needless to say I chose modelling ... it was "experience". I think the closest thing to a regret that I have in my life is not dancing. C'est la vie!
I don't believe in regrets. I'm sometimes sad, sometimes wistful about certain things. But I don't believe in regrets. You can't change the past ... only learn from it and get on with life.
I love my friends and family. I've even been known to totally fall in love with people I've never physically met. **** you know who you are :) *****
I'm still struggling with my body. I know where I've gone wrong. I know how to fix it. I just have to get my sorry butt out of the bed in the mornings to work out, stay more active during the day, stay off the couch at night ... and watch what I eat. No problem! lol
I love music. All kinds of music. It all depends on my mood. Sometimes it calms me, sometimes it energizes me, sometimes it just makes me happy....
I have a very short attention span. Explains so much about me....
I love fashion and shoes although this summer I have pretty much lived in about 6 outfits and 1 pair of flats. Got a little sloppy. And it shows.... :(
I love working out, especially resistance training. There's something so gratifying about lifting or pushing more weight than I did the last time. I love being strong enough to open doors without difficulty (this is my pet peeve about some women). I love being pretty self sufficient. Barry loves that I can help him carry 18' lengths of 2x10 pressure treated beams. FYI ... they are bloody heavy!
Our bedroom and bathroom are in the basement of our house. The dressing room is 10' x 11'. The closets in the upstairs room are tiny. Any wonder why we're downstairs (of a bungalow)?
I love to make people smile.
I'm very social and will talk to almost anyone. Gets me in trouble at work. ;)
I hate confrontation.
When I'm around a stronger personality ... I withdraw. When I'm around a quieter personality, I become more assertive.
I love that people feel comfortable enough with me that they feel they can tell me anything and it won't get around.
I wanted to be an auto mechanic when I was 13. And yet I don't even drive.
I work in commercial real estate, preparing and reviewing legal documents. I sit in an office all day. But I'd rather be outside. Funny where life takes you sometimes.
My job is very mentally taxing so I become a couch potato at night to relax. Barry has a more physical job and he relaxes by writing and conversing online.
I'm finally ready to make some serious changes in my life. Time to take control of my life and not let anyone push me around....
I'm looking forward to getting to know you better.

Vacation Time and Getting Back to Business

2011-07-10T10:07:00.000-04:00

It shocks me how long I go between posts ...

I'm very happy to report that I am recommitted and back on track. I spent the last week of June digging in the gardens from 9 am to 4 pm ... give or take ... I have one small rearrangement of flowers and we're good to go. Here's a sampling of what I've been up to all spring. The deck has one coat of stain on ... Second coat goes on today... The floor of the deck will be done next weekend. And then we can finally relax. Biggest issue has been the rain during April, May and the first part of June.

This was part of the black mulch. Next spring ... the entire gardens will be blanketed with black mulch.

This clematis (I don't know the name of it) is as big as the palm of my hand ... so exciting!

These actually belong hanging around the pergola. But they really are pretty on the bench.

Various shots of the front gardens after the mulch.

The results of my hard work ....

Honeysuckle on the back of the house ... we had an ugly part of the foundation so we put up this lattice and planted 2 honeysuckles ... it looks awesome now ... this is at the back of the house.

This clematis is just spectacular. It goes around the right side of the fenced area.

This fence hides our garbage bins. Ingenious I think :)

This is the clematis on the inside of the garbage area.

Now I can focus my attention on my continuing quest for health and fitness. Last Sunday was Day of my 12 week challenge. So far ... not great. It started off amazing for 3 whole days and then I'm not sure what happened. Nutrition has been pretty inconsistent too. I missed this morning's workout because I woke up with a blinding headache, really weak and tired. We spent the day yesterday with family and had a great time but my food intake was all over the place, didn't drink enough water, had a few drinks but stopped when I started to feel unwell ... not drunk ... just unwell. We spent all day outside but I didn't have a shower when we got home so all the smoke, allergens, etc were still on us. Not a good thing. But I survived. I had my regular breakfast of Multi-Grain Cheerios, some fruit salad and scrambled eggs. And cappuccino. and LOTS of water. So I'm started to feel like myself again. Which is good because we've got a busy day ahead of us.

We're going to apply the second coat of stain to part of the deck, Barry's putting the lights back up and then tomorrow or Tuesday (depending on the weather), we're going to put the vines back up over the pergola and the brackets back up so my hanging baskets can hang again ... they've been sitting on potting bench for the past 2 weeks. And I've got weeding and a little planting to do. My kinda day :)

One benefit of all this gardening ... My strength has increased. Yay! Did I mention I moved 3 yards of mulch? Its the width of a single driveway, 3' high and about 2' wide. Give or take ... Me, a garden fork (not to be confused with a dinner fork lol), a shovel, a wheelbarrow and 6 hours. Barry spent the same time sanding the deck.

So even though this past week hasn't been greatest and I faltered in my workout this morning, I will focus on healthy eating today, activity won't be a problem, and tomorrow morning I will get up and work out and carry on ... never giving up.

Disappointment and Perseverance

2011-06-13T21:16:00.000-04:00

3 weeks to go and there's no way in hell am I going to meet my goal. I'm taking the next 3 weeks to refocus, reenergize and rededicate my efforts.

The gardens will be done, the deck cleaned and stained, the mulch down. I'll finally be able to concentrate on my health.

The past 9 weeks have been tough. I lost focus. I've been so engrossed in getting the gardens ready for summer, I kinda forgot to get myself ready. Don't get me wrong, I haven't gone back to my "old" ways. For the most part, I'm eating healthy, staying active, even if it isn't my regular workout (and let me tell you, major gardening is hard work ... just try wrestling a shrub lol), I'm gardening, walking, taking stairs ... so while I haven't made progress, I haven't regressed either.

I haven't utilized a very powerful tool ... the blogging community. I've been so busy being busy, I haven't taken the time to connect with others who are struggling too. When I was consistent with blogging, it helped so much, I stayed on track more, I gave and received lots of love. I felt a sense of commitment and obligation ... people were counting on me. How could I have let them down .... let myself down? With so few hours in the evening, it's so easy to let them get away from me.

So it's time to get the computer back into the office, clean it up, get my goals set, my forms prepared, all the crap off my desk, clear my head and refocus my efforts.

Here's to never giving up!

Inspiration and Motivation

2011-05-19T20:08:00.000-04:00

Sometimes it's easy to get complacent. It's easy to "let things slide", to get out of our "routines". I had done just that with both my workouts and with my Flylady routines.

But I'm back!

I'm in the middle of a detox right now and between detoxing and allergies ... I don't have a lot of energy ... good thing my workouts are first thing in the morning.

I have been inspired by many people the past couple of years since I joined Blogland. I've met some awesome people who have continued to encourage me along the way, whether I really deserved it or not.

I seem to have taken the attitude that since this was a lifelong commitment, I was going to take my time in getting there. WTF? I mean really ... what was I thinking??? Yes this is a lifelong commitment but it doesn't mean I can take a lifetime to achieve it.

The pressure is on folks ... I have 6 weeks to make HUGE progress ... bathing suit (2 piece ... no tankinis allowed for this girl) shopping is june 30th with one of my biggest inspirations and motivators ... Celia at High Heeled Life. I've had to pleasure of meeting Celia in person a couple of times. She is one of the most genuine, uplifting, motivating, astounding women I've ever met. Pop by blog ... her story may bring you to tears ... she has battled back from a devastating accident. Any time I don't think I can accomplish this, I think of her ... of her story, of what she's had to endure, of how incredibly far she has come in the past 4 years or so. She supports me like few do. She won't let me quit. I think if I ever quit, she would haul her butt to my place and kick my behind until I gave up and got back to it. Thank you Celia. You have changed my life in ways you'll never know.

And of course I cannot forget my sister who has endured her own health issues, who was brave enough to commit to going "under the knife", which is risky at the best of times but coupled with a heart problem ...., to have her gall bladder removed and to have weight loss surgery at the same time. She couldn't exercise and the weight just kept adding up. I'm so proud of her ... she is down roughly 70 pounds in about a year. And while others may lose more, or more quickly, I am so proud of what she has accomplished. This is not a race ... we each will lose what we can in the time that we do. Personally, I haven't lost much scale weight ... but there's definitely a difference from when I started out.

My hubby. I'm not going to say much about Barry and his influence on me or I won't be able to see the words on the screen. Suffice it to say, that if it wasn't for Barry, I wouldn't have met any of you. He is the one who encouraged me to start blogging. He's really amazing. For those who don't know him ... stop by at Life in Quotations. You'll be glad you did....

I hope you all have someone who motivates, inspires and encourages you ... no matter what.

A big thank you ....

2011-05-18T19:00:00.000-04:00

Firstly, just wanted to say thanks for those who stopped by to wish me well :) Your support is always appreciated.

Secondly ... OMG what a day. It was rough. But I made it through. Not without a little help from my (chocolate) friend.... but my protein intake was also high so that was good (not because of the chocolate tho....) Not much I can do about it now .. just focus on NOT eating chocolate tomorrow. Just because my blood sugar level is ok doesn't mean I can eat whatever I like.

My sis and I are "friends" on http://www.myfitnesspal.com/ what a great site! it's a free, web-based food tracking site. with an app for my blackberry. yay! So we can be accountable to each other and encourage each other when we might falter a little.

Just remember ... take one day at a time. Do the best you can. Don't beat yourself up if you're not "perfect". Nobody is. And I'll always be rooting for you ... no matter what your issues, goals, dreams are.

:)

Medical Update

2011-05-16T21:17:00.000-04:00

It's amazing how quickly time flies. I cannot believe it's been 2 weeks since I last posted. I feel like I'm in confessional.....

Anyway, I had a mammogram done - clear. I had an EKG - clear. I had a bunch of blood work done - cholesterol's a little high, iron a little low, but best news - fasting blood sugar was only 5.2. For years, it's been 6.2. I don't know how or why this has changed, but I'm glad ... I think. Given the drops in blood sugar I've had lately, I kinda question why it's dropped so much. But, as my mother always told me, don't look a gift horse in the mouth. So, for the time being I'll enjoy the good health and look forward to even better health in the future.

It's kinda odd being the only one in my immediately family who doesn't have diabetes. Not that I want it. Hell no. And I'm still younger than everyone else (except mom) when it was discovered. But just because my family had/has it, doesn't mean I have to follow in their footsteps. This is one way being the black sheep of the family is a REALLY good thing.

My biggest challenge seems to be allergies and allergy induced asthma. It's been exciting, especially with all this rain. But at least we're not in Manitoba.

I'm back to my workouts, I've planned my meals for the week and I'm determined to stick with the plan, but ensure that I actually eat enough, at regular intervals, drink lots of water and keep a positive attitude.

To your good health.

Losing Friends ...

2011-05-06T17:41:00.000-04:00

Written Tuesday, May 3rd

I started my morning with the news of a majority harper government. I was not impressed.

Then I got to the GO station and a friend of mine told me a mutual friend (Steve was an honorary chic for the train ride home) had dropped dead of a heart attack fri or Sat. It didn't seem real. I just took the train home with him on Friday afternoon. He was 52. He was a heavy smoker and perhaps didn't eat the healthiest but nonetheless. I sit here (on the train .. I was looking for him ... Hoping it was someone else who died) thinking about him and needed to write. Having a little trouble seeing ....

It was a harsh reminder to do whatever I can to get/stay healthy. I had an EKG last Saturday ... I'm glad I did. Heart disease and diabetes are too prevalent in my family.

He wasn't much older than me. We talked about gardening and food and joked around ... He was a part of my 453 crowd but caught the 510 with me once in a while.

I'm listening to P!nk's "Mr. President". It's amazing. I just love her music. I seem to have delayed reactions about a lot of things ... This seems to be one of them ... Maybe because I just saw him that evening.

Written Friday, May 6th

I wrote the above on my way into work. Since Blogger is a pain to post on a smartphone like you would on a computer, it's taken me a few days to get this posted. I don't think I was ready to post either. Anyway, to continue with this post ...

It's Friday, and I'm waiting for Barry to get home from work. Then we're going to Steve's wake. I've been looking for him almost every day this week ... big time denial. It turns out he died on Sunday of a heart attack and he was 56. Still far too young to die. I'm not sure why I'm still struggling with this so much. It's not like we ever saw each other outside the train. It's not that we were great friends. I think it's just the suddenness of it. I've had so many people die and I've gone to way to many visitations ... you'd think I'd be able to handle this better. Maybe because it's Mother's Day weekend and I really miss my mom. I suspect tonight will help. It will bring closure.

It's amazing how someone can have such an impact on you, even when they don't play a significant role in your life. And one of my girlfriends at work left the company yesterday. She lives in Mississauga and her job is only a 15 min drive for her so it's not like I'll have much of an opportunity to see her. But we'll BBM and email. I'm really gonna miss her around the office. First Jen, then Yondy. I just hope Trish doesn't leave. She'll be my last real gf at work. Then what do I do?

But things change, people die, people leave companies. It's all part of life. I'll feel better tomorrow when I can spend the day out in the sun working in the gardens.

So please, don't take your health for granted. Do whatever you have to. I know its given me a wake up call.

Reaffirmation

2011-05-01T17:42:00.000-04:00

Barry and I went to spend a gorgeous afternoon yesterday with a couple who we met through this wonderful blogland ... HHL and Mr. G. HHL has been a huge inspiration to us from the get go.

So we spent a gorgeous Saturday afternoon touring their property, sharing wine, stories and a great BBQ. Quite a feast! Thanks guys :)

And while we shared stories and played with a certain adorable "mr. D", it made me realize that I really need to refocus on my writing. I guess I felt, and I've probably said this before, that I've really felt recently that I haven't had a lot to contribute. But the truth of the matter is that we all have something worthwhile to contribute ... And if my writing only helps a person or two, then it was worth it.

I can't believe its been almost 3 weeks since I last posted.

A lot has happened in the past 3 weeks ... I spent a week at home on vacation, went to a Tiesto concert with B (it was great!), got my annual mammogram done (ladies ... anyone over about 40 give or take or with a family history ... get one done!) and got my contact lens checked. To which my opt ometrist asked how my blood sugar was (huh). I got some work done in the garden. Went to my doc to get a requisition for blood work and then went yesterday morning for my tests.

Oh yeah, I haven't mentioned my incident with a very nasty drop in blood sugar after donating blood, even though I did everything right. I was sweating profusely, my heart was racing, a panic attack started (thankfully I was able to shut it down quickly), I had trouble putting my thoughts together and getting them out of me. THAT scared me. I was about 2 minutes away from asking them to call an ambulance. If you've ever experienced a bad sugar low, you'll understand.

So its time for me to get serious about watching my sugar levels. I eat well, exercise regularly, try to stay fairly active, drink lots of water ... But with a family full of diabetics, is it any wonder that at 46 I'm facing these issues.
On a happier note, I can't believe it ... it's only May 1st, and the gardens will be ready with one more full day of work. I haven't been rushed, I haven't felt overwhelmed, I just got outside whenever the weather has graced us with dry enough weather, and got to work. I only got 1 decent gardening day during my actual vacation days but I did accomplish other things. I went to the nursery today and picked up a few more perennials. I'm even trying my favourite flower (Blue Himalyan Poppy) (see below) again. I've tried 3 or 4 times to grow it but have not had any luck to date. I'm not sure whether I'm persistent or a masochist.

via Google search

I have a major love affair with sky blue flowers ... probably because they've pretty hard to find in nature. I also picked up a few other flowers but I was strong and walked by all the irises and daylilies (my 2 flower obsessions) . I'm so proud of myself :)

On the workout front ... it's been a couple of weeks since my last workout ... but my vacation week I was pretty active, between lots of walking and all the garden work I was doing I didn't feel too bad about missing my workouts. Last week I was fighting something. I should have gotten up today to work out but I didn't. But I've been watching what I'm eating and turning down lunch dates ... and my body seems to have plateaued. So ... 4:15 a.m. tomorrow I will get up and do my cardio workout. June 30th is FAST approaching.

Can't wait!

My Second Blogoversary ... and I Missed it!

2011-04-12T20:54:00.000-04:00

March 31st marked 2 years since I joined this wonderful community. Of course I missed it ... I seems a fitting end to that particular year. It was definitely a challenging year.

2010 was brutal at work. Almost ended up unemployed and yet I somehow kept my job and for that I'm so grateful. Things are so much better there now.

My body transformation has been off and on (kinda like my blogging). I've never given up ... Just dealt with some challenges but I'm very happy to report that I am on track, focussed and loving the process again. I check my goals every day ... The biggest is bikini shape by June 30th. When I reach that goal, I will be under 200 lbs, have lost 4 inches off my tummy and be down a couple of sizes (my other goals for this challenge).

Blogging. What can I tell you ... I have not been very consistent with writing or reading or commenting and for that I apologize. I had so much on my mind the past year, felt so overwhelmed by everything that I just didn't have the energy. Plus I didn't really feel like I had anything worthwhile to say. Sad huh ...

But that was last year, this is a new blogging year and my life is calmer and more organized. Still busy. Still don't have much time in the evenings, but I will do more blogging. Maybe not every day, but certainly more frequently than this past year. I'm getting a BB Torch so I'm hoping to be able to actually read blogs which in transit. While my Curve is great ... the screen is just too small to read on. *sigh*

I'm currently doing a detox .. My skin is taking the brunt of it ... Not to mention my frequent trips to the bathroom .... Lol. I kinda feel like I'm not only detoxing my body, but my spirit also. Getting rid of all the crap ... all the emotional turmoil cauz there's been a lot. But that was then and this is now.

This is my year ...to get in great physical and emotional shape, to get our home in ship-shape and to take the next step in my career.

I'm so excited. I hope you'll join me in my journey :)

SOS

Day 2 - Adapting to Challenges

2011-04-04T19:21:00.000-04:00

Well, my first day was great. Terrific workout, ate healthy all day (if you don't include the largish glass of red wine LOL), got to sleep at a good time, drank lots of water, worked in garden for about 3 hours, got my meal plan for the week ready, updated my journal for both yesterday and today. I was all set to start this challenge at full throttle.

I don't honestly know what happened. My alarm was set for 4:15 a.m. I don't know if I hit the "off" button instead of the "snooze", but when I opened my eyes, it was 5:00 a.m. Crap! Bad start to the day. But I ate healthy, kept a positive attitude, and the weather co-operated with me. I was able to get out for a brisk 45 minute walk at lunch. It felt great! I tried very hard to restrict my coffee intake to 1 cup today. This weather was just too much for me. I broke down and had a second around 3:30. But I avoided my old trap of grabbing a chocolate bar while I waited for Barry to pick me up tonight. As it turned out, he arrived at the same time I did so it would have been a waste.

Did I mention that I broke part of my temporary crown? It's not really painful but my jaw hurts. Maybe it's just the weather. Cold front is moving in. So the dinner I was going to make is going to have to wait. I'm having softer food that I don't have to chew much. *sigh*

But onwards and upwards. I'm going to make sure I get my journal updated for today and tomorrow, get to bed early and get up all bright and busy-tailed for a good leg workout tomorrow at 4:15.

The "old" me, would have gotten frustrated, thrown up hands up and think "well there's my day gone". The "new" me, however, knows that life happens and we just have to learn to adapt. So while I didn't get my ab workout done, I did get my cardio in. And I ate lightly.

Tomorrow's another day ... the sun will be out (albeit a little cooler), my permanent crown gets inserted, and Barry's workout is tomorrow night. Life is looking good!

Enjoy :)

Spring ... Time to Renew Myself

2011-04-03T10:52:00.000-04:00

I love springtime. It's probably my favourite time of year. The snow melts, the birds come back, twittering away, blessing us with their song. Plantlife comes back to grace us with their presence. The sun shines more; the temperature climbs, people are happier. It just makes me all warm and fuzzy inside.

So what a perfect time to "renew" myself. I now have exactly 12 weeks to bikini shopping day. I think my warped little mind didn't get serious until there was exactly 12 weeks left. Now it's do or die. It's amazing what the mind and body can do when there's a tight deadline. I never used to thrive on that kind of pressure but having a definitive goal helps a lot. Thanks Celia :)

So I decided to go back to basics. Body for Life teaches to set goals (no problem, I've done that), to take measurements and weight (yup, did that this morning (urgh!), to take pictures (see below) and to plan your workout, meals and gameplan (yup ... that's done too). The past couple of months when I've re-set the clock to zero, I was skipping all that. This time I'm doing it right.

Obviously I'm nowhere NEAR where I want to be. But I'm heading in the right direction.
This morning I did all of the above, plus I had a really good upper body workout, had my protein shake right after, then had a nutritious brekkie and recorded everything I did. So I'm off to a great start!

My weekends are often spent outside at this time of year. There's soooo much to do. Yesterday I cut back all my ornamental grasses and some other stuff - what a difference to the landscape! I took a bunch of stuff out of the shed and realized that I need to empty to entire shed, scrub it down, then organize everything inside. THAT should take an entire day. Of course ahose would help in that regard. So off to Canadian Tire for a hose and hose reel (our other ones died last year). Today we have some shopping to do (the list started with 3 things ... I lost track how many are on there now) then I'll be cutting back material in the north garden. And then the fun begins....moving a rose bush, which I need to do sooner (now) than later. That necessitates moving about 7 or 8 other plants. Oi! But I love it! This is what I live for. Getting outside in the fresh air, working with my hands, enjoying the birds and sun and warmth.

I have made one other resolution this year though. I decided that this year I was going to enjoy my gardens, not just work in them. So it's mulch, mulch, mulch this year. I can't wait to have friends and family over, sit on the deck with a cold bevvie and enjoy the outdoors. I looked at the BBQ this morning and remembered BBQ'd breakfast (french toast in AMAZING on the BBQ), latte on the deck. I am so grateful for my life.

So....I have to make the most of it. And that means getting back into shape (it's been a loooooong time) so I can be the best "me" that I can be, so I can offer my encouragement and my help to those who want it.

Some aspects of my life are about to get very regimented ... especially workouts and nutrition. But I'm good with that. I am going to start putting Barry through his paces on a regular basis ... workouts hunny, don't get too excited lol ... but I'll still have time to deal with the house and the gardens.

I just love springtime!

Hitting Bottom

2011-03-28T21:03:00.000-04:00

You know I've been struggling lately with consistency ... in my workouts, nutrition, blogging. Well, I think io hit the bottom this weekend.

I hosted a hosted a Girls Night In on Saturday and had a great time. Gotta do this more regularly.
The only problem was that I've been dealing with an extremely painful leg all week. I just wasn't able to get comfortable. I managed to get in for a massage on Saturday after noon, but that created different challenges. I don't remember being so puffy... Other than hot humid days ... And believe me, Saturday was nowhere near hot nor humid.

Anyway, I didn't drink a lot but had too much rich food, too much sugar and combined with jello shooters ... Did not add up to a good Saturday. I was basically a veghead yesterday.

But it did make me realize that I really have to smarten up, get strict with my eating and get back to my routines. I have to get my workouts AND my meals planned out in advance so I make sure that I have food out for dinner and nutritious leftovers.

Years ago I did the Atkins diet and while I don't really advocate the extremeness of it, I did feel great. More protein and vegetables and combined with moderate levels of fruit ... and I felt great. I need to get back to tracking my nutrition and working out 6 days a week ... I feel myself getting flabby again. And that's just not acceptable.

So hopefully hubby will help, at least in getting back on track. But ultimately it's my responsibility to get my act together. I did better with my nutrition today ... only 2 small coffees, no junk. Tomorrow I'll get up and do my cardio workout. Funny ... I didn't enjoy my second coffee today ... hmmmm.

The massage and chiropractor helped a lot so I should be back in fighting form for tomorrow.

The secret is to never give up. No matter how many times you falter ... no matter how many missteps you have ... as long as you never give up, you're winning.

I hope you've all had a great day :)

It's Spring Again ... Time for Renewal

2011-03-20T17:28:00.001-04:00

Yes, I am still alive and kicking. It amazes me how quickly the days and weeks go by. And yes, I have been struggling with staying on track, staying motivated, staying consistent. Which explains my long absence.

But I've been working out consistently for 3 weeks. My nutrition has a lot to be desired. But the important thing is I'm working on it. It's not so hard to get up at 4:15 a.m. anymore. I don't think about it and decide whether I'm going to get up or no. I just and up and do it.

My journalling, like my blogging, has left a lot to be desired lately. The evenings just fly by and I'm not so inclined to work in my office as I am on the couch with the laptop. But these days it's all about discipline ... in many areas of my life.

It's still pretty chilly here. The weather was amazing ... and all of our snow is gone... but it cooled down again. Nevertheless, I still spent a few hours outside this afternoon, cutting back the perennials from last year, removing leaves and other debris.

I had a second blog for a while; about gardening. But since I seem to have trouble keeping up with one blog, never mind two, I've decided to cover both topics in this one blog. So there will be days that I'm rambling about the gardens and how excited I am. That was actually one of my motivations for getting my butt back in gear recently. I have a lot of garden and a LOT of work to do this spring and summer and I don't want to be in pain like I have been in years past. So, I decided to get back to work to strengthen my muscles and lose more weight in an effort to not only look better, but feel better as well.

Barry reminded me that both of our blogaversaries are coming up soon. I can't believe it's been 2 years already. Time flies....

My girlfriend and I (and Nutkin) went to Canada Blooms yesterday. I thought I'd share a few pics ....

A music garden ... totally cool

Jen and Nutkin

Nutkin and Mommy ... this is the coolest freeking BBQ I've ever seen ...

Had to do it ..

Hydroponics ... we had some of the lettuce (not shown) ... really good.

Doesn't this look like the coziest place to sit outdoors and have tea?

This tree was dismantled, brought into the show and reassembled ... wow!

I so admire creative, artistic people ... this is carved out of sand.

I know this post was a little disjointed (kinda like me) ... too many thoughts and not enough time ... story of my life :)

Random Pictures of my Life

2011-02-28T21:57:00.000-05:00

Through FLYlady.net there is an application called Cozi. Cozi provides a download that takes all the pictures on your computer and makes a continuously changing collage. I thought I'd share a few of them with you.

Welcome to our home.

Our philosophy

Party Central

Kitchen Sink during the Renovations

At my brother's wedding

Baby Widget ... not impressed.

On way downtown

Toronto skyline

Barry hanging around

on a cold winter night ....

The happy couple

Mr. Widget

Valentine's Day - 2010

One of my home made lattes - sorry Starbucks ... you don't hold a candle to mine LOL

Me and my lil sis

Widget loves Nutkin

Scotter (l) and Rufus (r)

I think I might do this periodically ....

Procrastination and Perfection

2011-02-27T18:16:00.000-05:00

Hello ... My name is Sandy and I am a procrastinating perfectionist. I know, admitting it is the first step.

I've kind of immersed myself in FLYlady's teachings lately. She seems to sit on one shoulder telling me to "jump in where you are" and Bill Phillips on the other shoulder who is telling me to just get up, get moving and don't let anyone or anything get in my way. it's a little noisy in my head lately 'cauz they've both been nattering at me a lot.

So when the alarm went off Wednesday morning, I hit the snooze and then got up on the second alarm and did my cardio/ab workout. And felt much better. Getting up at stupid o'clock was much easier Thursday morning.

I got sick a couple of weeks ago and have really struggled to get back in the swing of things. The hardest part is getting my butt in gear. Like a locomotive or rocket, 90 percent of the energy is consumed in lift off. But once moving, it's hard to stop it.

I've been feeling tired, lethargic and pudgy. Time to change that. I took a good long hard look at my goals this morning. They're posted on our fridge, freezer, in the office and most notably in the gym. I stopped and really looked at it.

I've been slacking on my tracking, my planning and updating sessions. The "old" me, the perfectionist, would have just waited to get back to her workouts back on track until she had all her ducks in a row. The "new" me, who has these two wonderful, amazing people nattering away at me telling me to get moving. FLYlady says that housework done poorly is still housework done. So even if I don't have everything just so, if I get and keep moving, things will happen.

The "old" me would have thrown her hands up in frustration and would end up doing nothing. No more. I have been reformed.

And even if I don't post every day, I am still working on this project (me).

I would encourage you to start. Or re-start. Or keep moving. Its a whole lot easier to keep moving rather than having to get that locomotive moving again.

Until next time ....

All it takes is one comment ...

2011-02-12T18:00:00.000-05:00

It's amazing how sometimes all it takes is for one person to say one thing ... and your world changes....

I was chatting with my sis one day, catching up on happenings when she casually mentioned http://www.flylady.net/. I know I've mentioned this site before. Barry bought me her first book, Sink Reflections, for my birthday. He debated because he knows how extremist I can be. But he likely decided that having a neat freak is better than having a slob.

One of the things I love about her teachings, is taking it slow. Doing a little at a time. That doesn't always work for me but then again our house wasn't a disaster ... just a little untidy and very disorganized. As I look around the house and open doors, I'm realizing how far I've come in a short period of time, noticing how many other things need to be done, but accepting that it's going to take a few weekends to get where I want to be. I had loads of energy this morning/early afternoon, so I took everything out of the linen closet, wiped down all the shelves, organized the shelves - one for Christmas, one for summer, one for linens (very few), and 2 for serving pieces, including a fondue set which we have yet to use. Did I ever feel great! I thew out a few things and have a few more pieces for charity.

Then I tackled my fridge. I threw out a TON (not literally) of stuff, cleaned containers, emptied bottles, scrubbled shelves and drawers and now I can see surface! But now I'm done in. I'm not sure what I'm doing tomorrow. Probably the pantry but I do have a bunch of other stuff to do tomorrow. My ironing has piled up so I'm hoping to get that done tonight after a break and dinner. If not, tomorrow.

Even though I have a long way to go before the house is just where I want it to be ... and it will get gone ... I'm ok with not killing myself over it. Slow and steady ... a radical concept for me :)

Barry's been busy sanding and plastering the bathroom ... due to my allergies I've been banned from being downstairs while he's working. I'm ok with that. I have lots to do upstairs.

I can't WAIT for all this freeking snow to melt. I realized that there's a TON of stuff in the back, in the shed and out in the utility area, that I've been holding onto because I "might" use it. Well ... it's time to do some purging outside too. I just have to wait until that yucky white stuff is gone :)

I guess the moral of this story ... you never know when you will say something off the cuff to someone, or have someone else say something ... that changes your life ... or at least makes you look at things differently. I, for one, am loving this. It's even spilled over into my work environment and I'm cleaning out one drawer at a time, one section at a time.

Have an awesome weekend!

http://www.weheartit.com/

This has nothing to do with the post ... I just thought it was spectacular.

Reality Check

2011-02-10T22:03:00.000-05:00

I can't believe how fast time is going. I blink and a week has passed me by. It's made me realize that we really do have to make the most of every day. From planning at night for the next day to getting up early and working out to eating healthy meals and drinking plenty of water and little coffee to recording progress to encourtaging other people (this is actually very important to me despite my lack of presence in blogland).

Life is just far too short to waste it. I guess its just really hit me recently (bday perhaps?) that we really have to make the most out of each and every day ... we never know which one wil be our last ... or how much what we do and say affects other people. You never know who's listening or reading ... Maybe you'll write something one day that makes people really stop and think ... Perhaps it will stop them from doing something they'll regret.

I had a fun experience this week. I was working with a mildly moldy file (I'm allergic to mold and asthmatic ... great combo) ... Anyway, long story short ... I now have a sinus infection. It seems to have been brought on by allergies which explains why I don't feel dreadful like I normally do. Anyway, my point is, you never know when something can derail you from regular workouts. It can be as minor as a bad cold or sinus infection to an accident, an illness or the death of a loved one.

I think this post is more for my own benefit ... A reminder to myself ... More than anything else.

The past couple of weeks have been so hectic, getting ready for the party last week, catching up this week.

I've been reading FLYlady.net's newsletters lately (Barry bought me her first book for my birthday). I love her acronyms .. FLY is finally loving yourself; CHAOS is can't have anyone over syndrome. I think I feel a separate post coming on ....

So the moral of this story ... Carpe diem! Seize the day! It's so much more rewarding than just thinking about it.

SOS

Happy Birthday to me!!!!

2011-02-06T15:30:00.000-05:00

I can't believe it's my birthday. Another year older, wiser and better looking! LOL

I also can't believe how long it's been since I posted. Time continues to get away from me. I really must change that....

We had our annual tiki party last night ....and at midnight everyone stopped talking to sing me Happy Birthday. We really do have an amazing group of friends and family. We ate, we drank, we laughed, we played a really wacked out game .... mostly we just had fun. And a conga line. Our house is perfect for it. All women. Go figure.

So I thought I'd share some pics from the night ...

Nutkin and friends ....

One of many decorations

our luau monkeys

gotta have the pink flamingos

fun skewers ....

my first attempt at jello shooters ... huge hit

drinking and conga-ing

through the kitchen ....

Barry, Nukin and Me

Laura (left) Me (the monkey in the middle) and Krista (right) = trouble :)

Cleaning out my Emotional Closet

2011-01-24T21:04:00.000-05:00

http://www.weheartit.com/

Sunday I wrote about cleaning out our closets....literally. You know, tidying, tossing, organizing. Today, it's the emotional closet.

I think we all have things in our emotional closet that need to be dealt with. Whether it's a memory, a person, a feeling, whatever. And it's one of the hardest things to do.

I used to be a super hyper emotional person. I took everything so personally, got so involved with other people's problems. It just about did me in. So I learned to not take things to heart as much. At least not that I'll admit to it. I've learned that I have to deal with my own stuff ... and so does everyone else. I may seem not to care .. yeah, right ...

That is not to say for a moment that I don't care. That I don't grieve for those who lose loved ones. That I'm not outraged by the sheer stupidity and cruelty of some people. I read about a woman in Toronto (67 suffering from dementia) who died from exposure. She left the house around 2 a.m., got disoriented, must have fallen and tried to get up (her fingerprints were on the car she fell next to). People heard her, someone even saw her, but no one called for help. They didn't have to leave their cozy homes, all they had to do was call 911. Giving them the benefit of the doubt, perhaps they thought someone else would call. Problem is, when everyone thinks that, help never arrives. This happened the same day (or maybe it was the next) that a police officer inToronto was killed in the line of duty. Oddly, the woman's plight hit me far harder than the officer. Not to diminish his sacrifice for one instance ... I have the utmost respect and admiration for our law enforcement team ... but he knew the risks he took ... even if his death was stupid and senseless .. but she was scared and alone and didn't truly understand what was happening. Her family was looking for her ... she was a block away from home. A woman finally called 911 but by then it was too late. I couldn't watch the officer's funeral, couldn't watch any of the story .. I knew I would be a mess. They had the funeral playing at work ... I put my headphones on and escaped into my own little world .... I knew I'd fall apart as soon as I heard Amazing Grace on the bagpipes ... that and TAPS, are 2 pieces I cannot listen to. Under any circumstances. Yes folks, I am still a big softy.

Why has this hit me so hard? Probably because my mom had dementia and that was one of my biggest fears for her ... to die alone and scared. Fortunately she was in a nursing home, being well taken care of, and as the coroner told us, she just kinda petered out. Nothing traumatic ... just went to sleep. It's been a little over 2 years and I still haven't dealt with her death. She could be hurtful, she could be frustrating, manipulative, toxic ... but she could also be a lot of fun and would do almost anything for me. Perhaps it's because it was my decision to put her in the nursing home, even though I did so with my siblings' blessing. Perhaps it's because I should have gone to see her more often. Perhaps it's because I meant to go see her the Wednesday and Thursday before I got the call to get home to see her 'cauz the doctor didn't know how she was still alive. She wasn't coherent by the time I saw her ... but I believe that she heard me. Barry and I went to see her ... my cousin Deb was there ... my brother arrived the next day ... he just returned from Brazil to find out his mother was dying. I try not to let guilt get the better of me. But sometimes.

There's me, going off on another one of my tangents .... I guess I needed to share that. Perhaps that's part of cleaning out my closet. The only other big thing is Vince. Oddly, I feel like I finally have that closet under control. If I can keep him "sort of" in my life from time to time, it won't be this big emotional roller coaster when we do connect. I don't feel the emotional upheaval that I did when we first connected in September. He still remembers me from my youth ... I don't remember much about us back then ... I remember us more in my 20's. I remember the upheaval. I remember the hurtful things that had been said. The disappearances and the reappearances over the years. I could have stayed hidden. We could have gone to our deathbeds without ever seeing each other again ... but no ... I had to go and look him up on Facebook... and contact him no less. I honestly didn't think he's respond. It was an emotional couple of weeks ... but typically ... it burned itself out very quickly. Where was Barry in all this? Giving me the space I needed to deal with everything. I don't know that I could have handled the situation if the roles were reversed with nearly as much calm and patience as he did. Of course I didn't tell him a lot of what was going on in my head. Vince is like being sucked into a vortex. But I'm 14 years older than I was the last time he was in my life (he's in California so he'll only ever be a "virtual" friend) and I like to think that I have a better handle on things now. I had a momentary lapse of reasoning.

It's amazing how difficult, and how therapeutic ... catharctic even ... it can be when you open the door to the closet, haul out all its contents, inspect them so see whether they are worth keeping or whether it's time to dispose of them ... and let yourself be free.

I keep opening the door ... peering in ... I take some of it out from time to time .. sometimes to reminisce, sometimes to try to deal, sometimes I even succeed. I encourage you to do the same. And if you need someone to talk to ... my door is always open.

Cleaning out my Closet

2011-01-23T16:21:00.000-05:00

I'm not sure why, but the song "Cleaning out my Closet" by Eminem popped into my head this afternoon and it seemed so appropriate for today's post.

I've been feeling for a while now that life has been chaotic, out of control, that I'm trying to catch up to my life. Then I realized it was because my physical life is chaotic. My home office was a disaster. I've been slowly cleaning and tidying up our house. I was supposed to go to my niece's for "Christmas" on Saturday. But we had snow ... again. lots of it. And she's about a 90 minute drive on a good day. So we decided to send the gifts up ahead and schedule or visit for the end of March after the calves have been born. So there we were with a day to accomplish some stuff around the house.

Barry changed the old bathroom fan with a new, quieter, more powerful one (which we've had for about a year) and I decided to tackle my office. I've been following a site called http://www.flylady.net/ . OMG ... if you have issues with chaos, (her definition of CHAOS btw ... "can't have anyone over syndrome" because the house is a mess) with procrastination, with organization ... check out her sight. I get her email every morning, which I read on the way into work. She encourages you to only work on something for 15 minutes at a time. Baby steps. So I worked on the office for 15 minutes, did something else, came back for 15 minutes, did something else, then got carried away and worked in the office for about 90 minutes straight and FINALLY I am organized. It's not 100% . I still have to "clean out my closet" in the office. It's a book shelf and some floating shelves. That's next weekend.

I still have the linen closet and the front hall closet to tackle. One thing I have been pretty good with is my master bedroom closet (it's more like a room :) ) but the others ... YIKES! So I will tackle each of those closets for 15 minutes at a time. I don't know whether I'll get them today or not, but I can always work on one shelf at a time during the week. Or tackle them next weekend while Barry and sanding and prepping the bathroom for re-painting.

FLYlady talks about "shining your sink". It's one habit for the month. And I've been doing it. We make sure we get the dishes done every night right after dinner. For the most part, we sit at our dining room table like adults and have a conversation. Our living room is tidy. I've been making the bed every morning. I put my clothes and lingerie and jewellery out the night before, as well as my workout clothes. I've even been keeping up with the ironing. I even make up a meal plan once a week.

I can't tell you what a weight it's been off my shoulders. Last week, my workouts were sketchy, my nutrition, not great. Had 2 meals out last week. And despite it all, my weight stayed the same. YAY! I was happy just not to go back up.

It was such a colassal job to clean up this office that I was neglecting my blog. I didn't want to be in the office. And to write while watching TV ... I don't do my writing justice. So I've "cleaned out my closet" and cupboard and filing cabinets, etc. and my office is clean, tidy, organized, and cozy. It's also our guest room. We have a futon in the room in the form of a couch. Great place to curl up and read a book. And the room is purple (my fav colour). Lighting is good. I replaced my desk with a deeper, shorter one. I can see what's happening on my printer finally.

I come from a long line of procrastinating pack rats. I didn't want to be like that. But I because what I didn't want to be. But no longer. I am reformed. It's interesting, the discipline of my workouts have slowly been creeping into my job, my home, my mind.

So a HUGE shout out to my sister for recommending FLYlady.net to me. It's changed a lot of things. Thanks Mo.

Communication

2011-01-19T21:11:00.000-05:00

This isn't a long post ... just a reminder to speak up ... when things are bothering you, when you're happy, when you're sad, when you're feeling insecure, when you're frustrated or angry.

Some of us (myself included I'm afraid to admit) keep things bottled up inside for far too long and then it erupts and those who are left in our wake are left wondering "WTF"?

I know it's hard to speak up for a lot of us ... to assert ourselves ... to tell others what we like or don't like, what we need or don't need. And women are notorious for keeping things to ourselves and then having it come out at the worse possible times.

Today was a really, really rough day. I haven't felt myself all day. I didn't sleep well ... I blew off my cardio workout, missed my green tea on the train, had a small muffin (not on my list), got into the chocolates (definitely not on my list) and then had mac and cheese for dinner. Comfort food anyone?

Well, today is just about over for me ... I'm off to bed in an hour ... feeling much better ... because I communicated ... of course "somebody else" may not be ... the joys of relationships.

When I say I hate winter ... I do not exaggerate ... it is a brutal time of year ... as it is for many people. I've been low on my vitamin D and we've had a lot of rain and snow and clouds ... but at least I'll be back in the garden in about 2 months (hopefully less) ... and it's supposed to be sunny on Saturday ... maybe I'll just drink my way through the winter LOL ... on second thought ... I think I'll just work out :)

Extra Long Weekend

2011-01-17T18:14:00.000-05:00

When we had our furnace replaced in the summer, we had to have an energy audit done in order to qualify for rebates. And then a follow up appointment. So I booked it for today, took the day off and decided to make it an extra long weekend so I was off Friday as well. Barry took the day off too.

I meant to get up and do my cardio Friday. I slept in instead. Had a fairly leisurely day. Nutrition wasn't great. Saturday was a bit of a write off. We did housework and nutrition wasn't bad until I got into the potato chips. We had a great brunch with some fabulous friends on Sunday. I was going to do cardio before the brunch but I hadn't done everything I needed to before the brunch so I was going to do it after. That didn't happen. I planned on getting up at 5 (I got up around 5:40) to do cardio before breakfast but I ddin't. However ... I finally got my workout in after everything digested and before my energy audit guy showed up. Even had a chance for a shower. Nutrition was going along great ... and then I moderately blew it. I'll be better tonight.

Tomorrow I get back into my routine of getting up at 4:30, workout, proper nutrition and staying focussed. Apparently I need routine ... I seem to blow it when I don't. *sigh* oh well ... tomorrow is another day. but I don't have any time to waste or I won't make my June 30th shopping day!

I came across a couple of great websites http://www.flylady.net/ (for organizational needs ... thanks Mo!) and http://www.myfitnesspal.com/ for tracking food, exercise and goal setting. I encourage you to check them out....

Until tomorrow :)

A picture is worth a thousand words ... and a million memories ...

2011-01-15T15:06:00.000-05:00

A very special friend of mine just sent me these pics. I was somewhere between 14-16 when they were taken. I was in modelling school at the time ... I'm not sure what happened to that girl ... she's in here somewhere ... I am determined to find her again ... maybe not the brown hair ....

Health Expo at Work Today

2011-01-12T21:08:00.000-05:00

The company I work for hosted a "health expo" for the staff. One of the local health clubs brought staff and equipment and set up "stations" for different areas.

I started off by finding out that my blood type is A negative. Only 6% of the Canadian population is A neg. and only 15% of the population has a negative blood type at all. Which is not great. Positive blood types can accept blood from positives or negatives but negatives must receive blood from other negatives. So ... I think I'm going to start donating blood. Most phlebotomists (blood takers :) ) have a really tough time finding my veins but apparently you're supposed to eat and drink plenty of fluids. This is on my list of things to do and one small way that I can give back.

Then I went to find my body composition. Based on 214 lbs. at 5'7", my BMI is 33.5 and apparently I have 40% bodyfat according to a do-dad that I held that's supposed to run electrical current through the body to differentiate between fat and muscle. I've had a bioimpedence analysis done with electrodes which I would tend to trust more.

Then my blood pressure was 152/90. Rather high. But this was after working out, espresso, coffee, food, and a rather stressful commute. I am not worried.

The next station was great ... found out my blood sugar was 5. "Normal" is 4-7 (my American friends ... I understand that blood sugar is measured very differently there but the point is I was within the "normal" range) ... fasting blood sugar had been 6.3 for years .... YAY

Then on to flexibility ... I was 14.5 which is quite good ... I stretch my hamstrings every day ... but my belly got in the way ...

My grip strength needs work ... a fair bit of it ... not unusual for someone who sits at a desk all day.

Postural analysis ... nothing new there ... just reminders about being more careful to turn my body instead of just my neck

While I was waiting for my next station, I somehow got roped into a Zumba lesson. In 3" heels ... on carpet ... wearing too many clothes, no water. Not a good combination for me. But I think I could get into it.

I saw the naturopath who did a tongue analysis ... she said mine was purple with a white coating and a spot in the middle ... all indicators of the presence of toxins. When I showed her my tongue she said "interesting". Always makes me nervous when people do that. Then I told her I was doing a detox and which one and she said that it's obviously working because of the "spot" (kindly looks clear instead of white) but she couldn't tell me anything else. I'll be going to see my regular naturopath when the detox is finished.

My last stop was the nutritionist. She gave me so much great info, referred to me to http://www.myfitnesspal.com/ and we talked briefly about a condition where you might present symptoms of thyroid issues but blood tests come back normal. Or it could be horomonal changes that are causing me to be cold when I'm hungry and then get warm after I eat ... She also told me to take the coffee withdrawal slowly. Since I was up to 3 small coffee a day, this week ... 2. Next week ... 1 a day. I REALLY want to get off it. Except for my espresso of course.

It was 90 minutes out of my workday that opened my eyes to a few things, confirmed a few things and provided me with new information. 2 or 3 of the staff was shocked when I said I work out at 4:30 A.M. Dedicated they said. I still think it's crazy but it's so much a part of my day I don't even think about it any more. THAT is when you know that what you're doing has become a habit.

That was my day. How was yours?

SOS

I'm still here ...

2011-01-11T21:57:00.000-05:00

One of the important things for me this year is to stay in touch with you. Both reading your blogs and commenting and posting on my own.

It appears that life is getting the better of me sometimes. Between only having 4 hours from the time I get home until the time I go to bed, I have to fit in helping Barry with his circuits 2 days a week, making dinner, doing dishes ... I've come across a website http://www.flylady.net/ ....organizational planning ... it's pretty cool, laundry, journaling, etc. etc. etc., something has to give from time to time. Unfortunately sometimes it's blogging.

So while I try to catch up on my life, your patience is most appreciated. I will post and comment as much as possible. I read you more than you realize ... I just don't always comments.

Have a great day!

Looking Forward ... and Back

2011-01-09T12:11:00.000-05:00

I am a firm believer in looking forward to the future. Too many people look back and dwell on the past and regret what they have or have not done with their life. I refuse to do this. This is my philosophy and I certainly don't expect anyone else to agree with me on this, although I know a lot of people do. It's really hard not to look back with regret. There will always be things that you have or have not done in your life that you will wish that you did, or didn't do. I there there are those things for me too, I simply choose not to dwell, not to regret. I cannot change the past, only the future.

One of my colleagues recently said she really looked up to me. I can't tell you how much this meant to me. She tends to take things very personally, to fret about things she cannot change and to get downright miserable sometimes, when in fact, she is simply withdrawing. She asked me how I usually seem to just roll with the punches. I told her that I used to be a lot like her, which is why I understand her better I guess.

Somewhere along the line, I don't know when, the end of 2008 (which was probably the worst year of my life) I think, I realized that most things are not worth getting worried or upset about. The weather, changing company policies, the actions or reactions of others, world events, the list could go on and on. My way of coping, of keeping my life on track, of keeping my sanity, is to simply accept what I cannot change. I don't have to like it. But there are some things we simply do not have any control over. So why fret. I may seem to not care to some people. How wrong they are. I care too deeply, and this is my coping mechanism.

But there are times that's it good to look back ... but only to remind yourself of what doesn't work ... not to dwell, but to learn. I track my lifestyle change (nutrition, workouts, encouragement of others) on my calendar. This way I can go back and see at a glance when and where I went wrong, or when I was spot on. Winters are a challenge mostly because I've always gotten sick. This year will be different. Not only do I take a bunch of vitamins and eat healthy, I also use oil of oregano every day. It tastes horrible but it works. I pay more attention to my body. If I'm feeling run down, I'll take it easy for a day or two and up my oregano; perhaps get a little more sleep.

My point on this matter is that while it's important to check back once in a while to make sure you're on track, to change the things that you can from the past (exercise, nutrition to name just two ... these are things you can change going foward), its vitally important to keep looking forward. Rather than dwelling on the fact that you've tried and "failed" in the past, doesn't mean that you can't change the outcome in the future. What the past might tell you though, is that what you did before didn't work ... and you need to change your plan of attack.

Life your life in the present ... don't forget about the past ... just learn from it.

To looking forward ....

This is me at 22. Perfect example of looking back to what works (this is the shape I will be in by the end of this year) and what didn't (shoulder pads, short hair and lots of makeup)

:)

Running out of time ....

2011-01-05T21:23:00.000-05:00

This business of Barry's regular workouts at night is leaving so little time at night. Which is good and bad. Good because it leaves me little time for watching tv. Bad because that's my decompression time. Although I am finding blogging, facebooking and journalling rather therapeutic. And the fact that I'm up at stupid o'clock doesn't help at all.

This morning I missed my alarm altogether and by the time I was conscious enough to realize that I had hit the snooze button too many times, it was too late to get up and work out. So I did 10 flights of stairs (10 steps per flight) in preparation of the CN Tower climb in the Fall. I plan to add 5 flights every other day. My sis in law and hubby and joining me. We'll have to get a group together and make a fun event out of it.

Nutrition wasn't bad today. Ate too much at lunch but ate lightly throughout the rest of the day. Only had 1 coffee after my espresso. I usually have espresso at 6:30, green tea at 7:30 on the GO train, then I used to have coffee at 8:30 when I got into work ... so I had a green tea instead. I use honey in my tea but at least I didn't use a ton of cream and sugar. Every little bit helps ... I had one coffee at 10:30 or so. I didn't even enjoy it that much which is a very good sign.....

So tomorrow is another day ... I'll get a good night sleep (after some stretching and lots of water so my legs don't keep me awake), get up and work out and eat healthy tomorrow. My meal plan is already done so I'm good to go.

But my bed is beckoning and I still have laundry to attend to so I must bid you adieu....until tomorrow...

this is our dining room wall

Meltdown ... and the aftermath ...

2011-01-04T21:30:00.000-05:00

Usually when I'm at home alone, I pig out if there's unauthorized food in the house which, right after Christmas, of course there's stuff.

Yesterday was good ... For the most part. Everything was going along just fine, had breakfast, morning snack, great cardio workout and a sensible lunch. Then it hit me. I absolutely HAD to have chocolate which of course we had on hand. So I had 4 small chocolate goodies we made about 6 weeks ago (they were in the freezer). Usually that would trigger a binge ... For some reason it didn't. Maybe because I had a small apple right after that to help stabilize my blood sugar. At any rate the rest of the day was fine.

I'm not sure what happened. This was not a "I feel like chocolate" this was I HAVE to have this. And it was very specific. Odd....

Anyway, boy I was in pain today. My upper, inner thighs (abductor I think) and core muscles were so freeking sore I had trouble walking. It's getting better though. And it's almost bedtime already.

Tuesday and Thursday nights are Barry's circuit training nights. We didn't eat until about 8:00 ... not great ... but I just won't have my evening snack (yogurt and almonds). I believe we're both more committed about Barry's workouts. He's been really good with cardio days; not so much with weights. I hope this has changed. At least with circuit training it is both cardio (to some extent) and weights.

On Barry's cardio nights, I have a task ... The goal is to climb the CN Tower (1,770 steps if I remember correctly). I'm getting better at stairs but they've always been my nemesis. I figured I have to walk 60 flights of the stairs from our basement to the main floor. So tomorrow I'm starting with 5 flights. And I'll add a couple of flights every other day. Wish me luck? I think I'll need it.....

Before I start rambling, I shall bid you adieu ... until tomorrow. Actually ... just one more thing ...

I'm in LOVE with these shoes ... I want them. I need them. I have to have them ... kinda like those cookies ....

image via http://www.shoedazzle.com/

Back pain and exercise

2011-01-03T09:37:00.000-05:00

Back pain is something I have dealt with for many years. Main reason ... weak abdominal and back muscles.

Before my little hiatus the past 3 weeks, I was doing great, hardly had low back pain due to stronger abdominal and back muscles. I've done a few workouts where I engaged my abs. My low back muscles however .... I'm only back into the swing of things this week and today is my cardio/yoga day so I'll be doing my low back strengthening muscles then.

I encourage anyone with low back pain to talk to a health care professional (doctor, chiropractor, massage therapist) about strengthening exercises for coping with back pain. Not everyone can do everything, depending on the cause of your pain. I've learned what works for me. You have to be safe and careful and smart about it because if you aren't, you could put yourself out completely.

Posture is another important aspect of back health. The simple act of sitting, standing and walking correctly does wonders, not only for your appearance but, most importantly, it helps to strengthen your core.

I hope 2011 finds you well, determined to achieve your goals, whatever they are, and I look forward to hearing from you.

SOS

Getting Organized ... and Getting Back to Working Out

2011-01-02T19:51:00.000-05:00

For some reason, I've been wanting to use my parents' original kitchen table. I tried to replace our existing round glass table that if someone isn't careful and they brace themselves to get up, the whole tabletop tips. We've had a couple of interesting situations. My parents' table is nothing fancy. It's starting to look her age ... I think my parents got her in about 1948. So yeah, she's getting up there. But until I can afford to get a new desk, she will work quite nicely. We spent some time this afternoon removing the old desk (which wasn't really a desk after all ... it was a portion of a "U" shaped desk. This table is deeper, sturdier and more leg room. Woo hoo!

I had decided to clean up the office this weekend ... fortunately my weekend doesn't end until Tuesday morning. Yay! So tomorrow will be about getting food ready for the week, journalling and tidying up the office. It's a mess.

Today was my first real day back to my schedule ... my Day 1. Circuit training. It's a great workout. I've never been a huge fan ... I prefer strength training. But I know this will help me achieve my goals faster ... together with proper nutrition, lots of water and little coffee. It felt great to get up, work out, have a shower, breakfast and I was set for the day.

Barry has decided to get serious about this. So today was his Day 1 of circuit training. I basically have him on the same program as mine ... with a few tweeks. He enjoys the variety, which I admit I do too. After a shower and dinner (meat loaf, sweet potatoes, asparagus and red wine), we're a chillin' for the evening. He has to go back to work tomorrow. :(

I, however, will be up at 5, cardio and yoga (I know, odd combination but it works for me), shower, make brekkie and latte (last one until Saturday), then I'll get to work doing stuff I want to get done around here.

The Christmas tree and decorations are down and packed away. Our house is back to "normal". I feel so good about this year. The laundry is almost done, I'm focussed on getting myself and Barry (I have a LOT farther to go than he) in shape, getting back in touch with friends and family, entertaining frequently and just generally enjoying life.

Oh yeah, here's a picture of Barry and I at his brother's wedding. I haven't felt this good about a picture since our wedding photo even though I'm still somewhat heavier than I was then.

Cheers :)

Happy New Year!

2011-01-01T22:47:00.000-05:00

Well ... today's the first day of the new year ... and the last day of my slack eating. Yesterday and today have been particularly bad. Tomorrow, however, is another story altogether...

I keep a wall calendar up in my home gym ... each day I strive for a "star". A workout = \; healthy eating = / and a blog post and leaving at least 2 comments = -------. I reviewed last year's calendar ... some months were great; others were not. No wonder I'm not where I want to be.

But that was last year ... we're into a new year now. And I am focussed on achieving a VERY lofty goal, thank you very much HHL! How did I get myself roped into this? That's ok, it's exactly the kick in the butt, lofty goal I needed. I can't afford to not stay focussed.

So ... the workouts are recorded for tomorrow ...both mine and Barry's (he starts tomorrow too) .. the meal plan is done for tomorrow and started for the rest of the week. I admit I tend to stick with similar foods each day ... it's just easier for me to stay on track that way.

Wish you all the very best that life has to offer in 2011 ... it will be an amazing year :)

The Good, The Bad and the Ugly .... The Year in Review

2010-12-31T16:44:00.000-05:00

I can't believe its been a year already since I wrote a simlar message.

So much has happened this year. Some of the highlights, and lowlights follow ....

One of my best friends got married in May and I acted as her wedding planner for the wedding day. She was gorgeous he was very handsome the venue was fab and despite a few challenges (what wedding doesn't have them), it was a great day altho I haven't been that stressed out in a LONG time. Then there was the househunting and moving and front garden. It didn't take much of my time but it was immediately after broski's wedding and our financial meltdown. I'm just so glad we could help....

Late in 2009 my sister was encouraged by her doctor to have bariatric surgery. After much research and pondering she decided to take the leap. She had to have her gallbladder removed anyway so off she went to the hospital in June of this year. To date since the middle of June she's lost about 65 pounds. Only one downside ... its way harder to get in touch with her. I think I can deal with that if it means she's healthier, happier and has a life again. It hasn't cured her heart problems, but it makes life much easier.

Gardens ... My first Ajax in Blooms nomination. My neighbour nominated me. Of course the gardens weren't anywhere close to where I wanted them to be. On the agenda for 2011 - dig almost everything up from the front gardens and the garden and move things around. Ambitious? I dunno .. Crazy is more like it but I love the process. Then there were the neverending monstrous weeds. 2011 - MULCH!

Graduated to a blackberry. Yay! Its done me the world of good, got my life organized and if blogger would make their site more mobile friendly, I'd be able to keep up with you more regularly. But I draft my posts while travelling to work, then clean them up and post them from home.

G20...if the city never hosts THAT fiasco again it'll be too soon. I work just outside the secure zone. It turned everything upside down. Our company mandated that everyone not required to be in the office was to work from home for 4 days. That included in department. My manager had an issue with that and consequently stressed our entire department out.

Steve - He was my manager for 13 years and a very good friend. The same week that G20 and my sister's surgery occurred, Steve was leaving for Africa, Europe and beyond. He wasn't sure how long he was going to be gone. And I wigged out. One thing ... even two things ... I could handle. But all three at once? It was more than I could handle. I often don't see him for several months at a time ... we're friends, that's all. But the timing couldn't have been worse....

Finances tanked. Barry and I are both gainfully employed. We have good jobs with a combined decent income. But some bad decisions, and 2 years of no wage increases put us behind the eight ball. To say that we were stressed out is putting it mildly. I do the budgeting ... apparently not very well ... and I was beginning to wonder how I was going to cover all the bills. Thankfully we were able to refinance and got things back on track.

Barry's brother's wedding. We were all so ecstatic about the upcoming nuptials. Bobbi (the bride) is an amazing woman and she and Steve (broski) are so head over heels about each other. After 8 years of a bad relationship, he finally got out and met the woman of his dreams. And while the festivities were fabulous, it happened at exactly the same time as the finances tanked.

Facebook ... We fought it until this summer and then finally caved. Hence my next problem ... Vince. Although I must admit its been easier keeping up with what's happening with friends and family on FB than before.

Vince. I could write a book on this subject, but suffice it to say that I had a lapse in judgement. I met Vince when I was 14. I thought I said goodbye to him when I was 27. And then Facebook happened. I looked him up and contacted him. And for the next 2 weeks, my world got turned upside down. I'm not sure why I did it other than the fact that he had been on my mind ... A LOT. Long history ... I feel like I'm one of Pavlov's dogs. As usual, our "relationship" has always been intense and short lived. Barry knew about what was happening ... kind of. But he trusted me and gave me the space I needed to deal with a part of my life that has always been very complicated. I haven't heard from Vince lately. I suspect he's disappeared without a word ... as usual. C'est la vie.

Job. Another long story. Considering the turbulence of my life this year, together with a very turbulent year for the company I work for, things did not go well. Suffice it to say that something happened which brought me to my senses and I have a renewed commitment to my job. I've re-gained my focus and commitment and things have improved a lot in less than 2 months. YAY

Deaths. 3 deaths in 5 weeks. All men. All in their 50's. None of whom I was really close to but each one hit me. First there was Brian. We had worked together over 20 years ago. Great guy. Hadn't seen or heard from him in years. 5 weeks before his death, he popped into my head. Wasn't quite 51. He died of lymphona. He went downhill in the last 5 weeks. Then there was a friend's dad. He was 55. I had never met him but he died suddenly of a massive heart attack and our friend was so upset. It reminded me how short life is. Then there was Ian. Neighbour. Late 50's. Pluto's (fav neighbourhood dog) daddy. Jacob's disease. Was diagnosed about a month before his death.

Christmas. On a happy note, this Christmas was wonderful. Our annual Christmas party was a big success and everyone seemed to have a good time. We always invite people to bring a non perishable food donation that we collect and then we delivered it to the local fire hall. We had the best collection to date. It filled a regular sized recycling bin completely. I just love doing this. It's not required, just appreciated.

Then for Christmas Day we had Barry's family here for dinner, everything turned out really well, everyone was here (except his 2 nephews) and there were lots of laughs. It had been about 16 years since we were all together ... but Evan (Barry's sister's significant other) and Bobbi were not known at that time. Dharram (Bobbi's brother) also joined us. His kids were with his ex and he was going to be alone for Christmas dinner. THAT simply would not do.

Weight loss. It's been a good year. Not great. Not fantastic. But good. I've made more progress this year than I ever have in the past. I've dealt with my relationship with food. I still have my issues with food (ginger cookies ... OMG I can't put them down) but it's so much better than before. I know how to control my hunger issues, to make better choices. Of course December was horrible. But things are going to change.

Going forward. Saturday I am going to write out our meal plans for the upcoming week and do any food prep that's necessary. I got back into working out this week. I will hit it hard as of Sunday morning. And I'm getting Barry started on his program then too. Lofty goal for me... bikini shape by June 30, 2011. I've got a long way to go and a short time to get there. But I've made the commitment so I have to do this. I've also made doing the CN Tower climb in the Fall of 2011 a goal.

My blog. This weekend I will be making some changes to this blog. It might take a couple of days. I need to shake things up. I've been checking other blogs and I'm getting a good idea of how I want to organize things. So stayed tuned.....
2011 is going to be about focus ... fitness ... family ... friends. I have also made advancement at work a goal.. This time next year, I will be writing that I have been promoted to intermediate level. These are the commitments I am making.

My commitment to you. I will be here. I will be in touch more. I will post more often. I will encourage you. I will offer my 2 cents when appropriate.

My wish for you... Happiness. Health. Wealth. Peace. Joy. Love. Confidence. Longevity.

Happy 2011!

My Wakup Call

2010-12-25T22:44:00.000-05:00

First of all ... I hope everyone had an awesome Christmas! We hosted Christmas this year and thankfully the dinner turned out great, the company was fabulous and the wine was awesome. Barry's family (mom, step-dad, sister and significant other, brother, wife and her brother) all joined us for Christmas dinner. Everyone brought something for the meal (thank you so much Mum, Bobbi and Heather) and extended brother in law brought the wine (thank you Dharram!). Great food, lots of laughs, wonderful gifts and the first time in 16 years that the family has been together.

I missed my parents. Dad didn't really care too much about Christmas but it was Mom's favourite time of year. I managed to get through the day without tearing up. I'm very proud of myself. I even cooked the turkey to perfection (thank you thermometer).

But OMG! This month has been brutal! Between all the food (I've tried to stay away from most of it) and lack of exercise (I was fighting a cold for 2 weeks and not working out because of it), I have definitely taken a couple of steps backwards. So as of December 26th, I am re-focussed on training and eating healthy.
I am re-setting my goals (one of which is to go bikini shopping on June 30, 2011 (HELP ME!!!!)) and changing up my workouts. And getting Barry back on board.\

One of our gifts was a beautiful 8'x10' of Barry and I at his brother's wedding. It's been a very long time since I felt like I looked that good. I think the last time was our wedding (13 years ago). It's made me realize I've let myself go the past month and that is not acceptable. I don't every want to go back to where I was ... or anywhere close to that.
I went to put on an outfit I wore at our Christmas party (Nov 27th) and OMG! I couldn't freeking believe it! I'm supposed to go shopping for clothes this week (hubby was wonderful enough to give me a gift certificate for one of my stores) but OMG! I am totally disgusted with myself. I don't want to see another piece of chocolate, another cookie, another anything that remotely resembles anything that isn't on my "authorized" list.

It's time to knuckle under and get serious! Never mind New Year's Day. Try Boxing Day! I am determined to meet my goal of wearing a bikini on July 1s successfully. Not a string bikini, but not a tankini either

But I know what to do. I know how to eat right ( have lots of healthy food in the house) and how to exercise to obtain my goals. So as of tomorrow (Dec 26th), I go back to a healthy lifestyle.

So join me in my journey (the measurements won't be taken until January 1st) as I get back on track to my goals, as I focus on losing as much fat as possible without sacrificing muscle, and being as focussed as possible, on achieving those goals, on becoming the best "me" that I have ever been.

I will keep you posted..... in the meantime ... Merry Christmas!

MIA - ONE BLOGGER ...... AND HAPPY HOLIDAYS

2010-12-22T21:50:00.000-05:00

I can't believe how long it's been since I posted. This has been one crazy ass month!

Just a quick note (it's getting late for me) to wish you and your family a very Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays. I hope everyone is able to enjoy the festivities and not get too stressed out.

I've been feeling so out of touch with everyone ... yes, it's my own fault ... I haven't been in blogland in far too long.

Since I'm actually going to have time during the holidays, I'm going to re-vamp this site and get back to business.

I've slipped the last few weeks (know anyone else who has done that?) first due to my schedule, then 'cause I got sick and I don't work out when I'm sick.

We're having dinner for 9 (which is a nice size) on Christmas ... yours truly volunteered herself and cook ... although I am getting a little help from the other ladies .... it'll be the first time in at LEAST 15 years that hubby's family has all been together for Christmas Day.

I miss my mom and dad but I'm really glad I have the "other half" of my family who are near. My bro is in Brazil visiting his wife and family (long story) and my sis is up north and neither of us travel at this time of year for that distance ... she has us at Thanksgiving. After giving up so many Christmases because I didn't want my parents to be alone, mum will finally have her whole family together. I'm really happy for her.

So Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to all!

Sandy

pics courtesy of http://www.weheartit.com/

DEADLINE - JUNE 30, 2011

2010-12-06T21:05:00.000-05:00

OMG I've gone and done it. I went and committed to being in bikini shape by June 30, 2011 (shopping day). What on earth have I done???? It's a lofty goal, but one I'm sure I can achieve ....

http://www.weheartit.com/

Hey, a girl can dream you know :)

I haven't said much lately about how things are going. They're going pretty well. My workouts have been fairly consistent, my nutrition not too bad. Nothing earth shattering, but I don't feel like I'm reverting back to my old ways. There are days tho .....

Officially I'm in Week 11 of my 12 week challenge. I had originally planned on taking a couple of weeks "off"; not doing BFL, just cardio and yoga. But given that I haven't been as consistent as I should have been, I'm going to keep going until December 31st. Since January 1st is a Saturday (my free day), I'm going to start again on January 2nd. This time I'm doing circuit training. Change things a little. I'll do circuits Sun/Tue/Thur and Cardio and yoga on Mon/Wed/Fri. For 12 weeks. That will take me to the end of March and give me another 3 months before "B Day" (bikini day :) ). I'll figure out closer to the time whether I'll do circuits or BFL. My nutrition is the same regardless of which workout program I go with.

So even tho it's the holidays, it's still important to eat healthy, exercise, drink lots of water and get lots of rest.

I fell on my way to work this morning. My feet came out from underneath me and I landed flat on my back in the middle of the road. Not a good thing. I got back up, dusted myself off, crossed the next street and nearly did it again but I caught myself. I think that's why I'm sore now. But I didn't break anything and I didn't hit my head (as far as I know), so hopefully I won't be too sore to do my leg workout tomorrow.

Until next time....

The greatest compliment I have received ....

2010-12-03T21:34:00.000-05:00

I just had someone pay me the nicest compliment I've probably ever received.

A lady I've known for a number of years from the morning GO train platform said she's noticed a brightness and a glow that emanates from me. That could explain a few things.

A friend of me described me as beautiful. I had to check to make sure he had referred to me. He said "don't you think you're beautiful?". For the first time in many years I said yes, I'm finally seeing myself as beautiful. It's been a very long time coming.

I owe my hairstylist Ray part of the praise cause I think a great hairstyle makes a HUGE difference. Then there's Andrew ... He's my MAC consultant. I recently found out he used to teach makeup application. Explains why he's so amazing. The girls are really good ...he's amazing. He's pushed me out of my rut. He's got me wearing colours I would have NEVER worn before. And then there's Stephanie and Christine at Brava. They've introduced me to some beautiful bras that have pushed my boundaries. Notice a trend? Ladies ... Please please please ... go to a bra boutique and get properly fitted. If your breasts seem to be extremely high and in everyone's face, they're probably in the right place. Bigger girls will likely feel it moreso. So as far as my physical appearance is concerned, you can see it's taken a team. But I opened my mind and allowed them to guide me, I took their advice and implemented their suggestions.

As far as the lightness is concerned, I believe that's due to feeling better about myself. Even though I've had some setbacks over the past couple of years, I keep fighting back. I'm actually honouring self promises. Do I do it all the time? Of course not. Am I perfect? That would be a huge "NOT"! But I'm persevering. I made the decision to change and I am. Physically, mentally, emotionally, I'm stronger, more postive, more giving of my time, of my emotions. I'm not afraid to let people in anymore. I used to be so closed off, so unhappy.

I'm not mentioning these things to say "look at how great I am". I'm not like that. This is a direct result of making a commitment to change and sticking with it, no matter what life throws at me.

I just wanted to share what can happen when you keep fighting, no matter what. Just don't give up. Ever.

I hope you know I'll always be your cheerleader cause I know you can accomplish anything you want to.

And a big thank you to Beth for making that comment. She's the one who inspired me to write this post.

BTW ... I've committed to bikini shopping on June 30, 2011. OMG what have I done???? LOL

Self Realization

2010-12-02T20:46:00.000-05:00

I've been having a lot of "a-ha!" moments lately.

Do you ever get so caught up with trying to keep your head above water keeping up with all the commitments that you don't realize when you're slipping?

http://www.weheartit.com/

That happened at work recently. I was so busy trying to keep my head above water that I ended up almost drowning. A few things were brought to my attention, one of which was that I was making excuses. OMG! I've always been one to accept responsibility for my actions. It looks like I was slipping when it came to my reactions. So I really thought abought that, realized I was making excuses and decided to change that. So now, when I find I'm slipping, I take stock and correct my course of action.

This is also true regarding my workouts. I've been blaming the weather when in fact its actually the food choices I've been making, together with too much coffee. (I hate being an addict). I've really struggled the past 2 or 3 weeks with getting up EVERY day for my workout. So effective immediately, better choices, more water and green tea, less coffee and better attitude.

I'm trying to change some habits, hoping that this will help. Speaking of habits, I must update my journal for tomorrow's workouts.

TTFN .... LOL

Panic Attacks, Anxiety and Depression

2010-11-30T21:32:00.000-05:00

A number of years ago, I was sitting on the GO train on my home from work but I was later than normal so I wasn't with anyone I knew. All of a sudden I started to sweat, my bowels felt loose, I had trouble breathing and my right arm felt a little numb. I sat there thinking I was having a heart attack. And yet somehow I knew I wasn't. But it freeked me out. And it scared me. I felt very alone even though I was with a trainload of people. But then I just dismissed it like I often do.

The next day I saw my chiro who was also a friend. He was concerned and wanted me to go to my family doctor and get checked out. So I did. He diagnosed me as having had a panic attack and immediately suggested Atavan. I took the script but never filled it. I hate how doctors just automatically prescribe drugs for this. Its not always necessary. Sometimes it is but at least give me some options. And yes, he sent me for an EKG just to be sure. My heart was fine.

So life carried on as usual and then it happened again. And again and again. It freeked me out whenever it happened but I learned to control them and even how to shut them down. I still find it unsettling when it happens. The symptoms weren't always the same. One day in October of 2005, I came very close to calling the ambulance. I was home alone, an attack started, it escalated and very nearly got completely out of hand. Thankfully I was able to get control fo the situtation and avoid an unnecessary trip to the hospital.

Then there was the anxiety that often accompanies panic attacks. I would be so anxious, so scared that things would happen even there was no logical reason for it. Then there were odd physical things ... All part of getting older but at the time I thought for sure something bad was going to happen to me. And I was terrified of something happening to Barry and being left alone. I don't think I ever told him any of this. I often didn't tell him when a panic attack hit either. Silly, I know, but I'm the one who takes care of everyone else, not the one being taken care of.

And then there's the mild (usually seasonal thankfully) depression that hits. It's not the deep, clinical depression that messes people up completely. I am very grateful for that.

But here's the thing. With all of the above issues, since I started working out regularly, eating healthy foods in proper portions, dropping the bodyfat, all those things are gone. There's a physiological reason for that involving our friend, the endorphin. I'm not a health care professional so I cannot say what the reason is, whether its physical, emotional or what. I only know what has worked for me.

I know there are many people who are seriously depressed and this is caused by a chemical imbalance in the body. I am only suggesting that perhaps, instead of going immediately to the drugs that can have serious side effects (antidepressants that make you suicidal????) Among other things, why not try alternative medicine, proper nutrition, exercise. And stick with it for a bit. But make sure you talk to your doctor; be it medical or paramedical.

And please don't think for a moment that I would ever make light of the very real issue of depression. Most of my family has, to some extent, suffered from depression at one time or another. I know it can be debilitating. But perhaps, if we seek treatment in the early stages of any mental health issue, we can avoid drastic measures.

And yes, here is the disclaimer again .. I'm not a health care professional ... I'm just sharing what works for me, my personal experiences only. Please, please, please make sure you talk to a health care professional.

Here's to good health, physical, mental, emotional and spiritual. May we all live long, happy, healthy lives.

What an awesome group of friends I have

2010-11-27T14:33:00.000-05:00

http://www.weheartit.com/

I just wanted to say "thanks". I have met some really special people in the past couple of years; some through friends, some through Blogosphere.

Over the past several months, I've had a couple of people say negative things about me. I didn't have to respond at all. My friends did it for me.

I cannot begin to tell you how much that means to me. Hell, I did the same thing this past week. Call me down, ok, I can deal ... I've got broad shoulders ... attack someone I care about ... mama bear shows her teeth, regardless of who it is that is attacking.

I find it sad that people can't just "live and let live". We are all unique, all special, in our own way. I try to live my life by accepting people and not putting them down. Even when they attack. But everyone has their limits.

A special note to HHL - I absolutely adore you woman. You are one of the most amazing women I have even met in my life and I am privileged to call you my friend. Hugs galore.

We are throwing our annual Christmas party today and we're almost ready. I have to go get gorgeous and make a couple of things, but generally ... I'm ready. We even had a little snow this morning to put me in the mood.

I wish everyone an amazing weekend and I should be back tomorrow ... maybe even with pictures :)

hugs to all

sos

Happy Thanksgiving to my American Friends

2010-11-25T21:07:00.000-05:00

I hope you've all had a terrific Thanksgiving and you have a productive Black Friday :)

http://www.weheartit.com/

I know ... it's a little different ... but so am I.

Although we Canadians celebrated our Thanksgiving about 6 weeks ago, I am very thankful that things are better with my American friend who I last posted about. I was shocked when I received an apology this morning.

I miss him a lot.

Judgement and Tolerance

2010-11-23T21:29:00.000-05:00

I was chatting with a friend of mine last night. For whatever reason he got very judgemental about something. I told him not to judge. His response ... We all judge every day. Which got me thinking about this topic.

When I was much younger, I was very judgemental ... Out of immaturity, inexperience, ignorance ... I'm not sure why. But he's closing in on 60!

Anyway ... tt got me thinking. Its so easy to judge people based on our own set of beliefs and values. And yes, pretty much everyone does it to some extent. But one of my girlfriends and my husband have helped me realize that although lighthearted judgements (OMG can u believe what she's wearing!) can be a regular occurrence, the harsher kind is simply not acceptable.

How can we judge someone else's beliefs, situation, etc when we really don't know what's going on in their lives; we don't know their history.

It;s not easy just accepting people for who they are; accepting the differences. I know it's helped to make me a better, more tolerant, more understanding person.

Besides, in this case he was sitting in judgement of my hubby. And although I've known my friend most of my life, I am fiercely loyal to hubby. And I actually stood up to this friend last night.

I've come a long way baby .... I could never do that before.

One of my girlfriends sent me this "the tigress pounces on her prey in defence of her lion". I don't know where it's from, but I love it.

I guess my point is ... we ALL (myself included always) ... need to be more tolerant, more accepting of others. Until you walk a day in another person's shoes ... you have no idea what it's all about.

And as a number of the male executives in my company can attest to, it can be a painful experience (they did a runway show, all wearing high (I mean some of these suckers were HIGH) heels. I think they developed a better appreciation for what we women go through.

So here's the tolerance .... to acceptance ... to just living and let live.

Hugs to all :)
sos

photos ... http://www.weheartit.com/

Feeling Overwhelmed

2010-11-17T21:01:00.000-05:00

http://www.weheartit.com/

(this has nothing to do with the post but they were just WAY too cute to pass up)

This has been an odd year. I don't remember much about the first half of it. It seems as tho this year has gone by at the speed of light. I swear we were planning christmas about 3 months ago. An aweful lot has happened. And I'm struggling to find balance.

Stuff has come up at work which has caused me to really think about what I want to do and where I want to be.

I had worked for someone who is now a very good friend for many years. Then he was promoted, I moved dept, he left the company and then I did a few years later. And I feel like I've been drifting ever since. It only just dawned on me how much of anchor he was. He helped keep me steady. When we were at the company, he pushed me, encouraged me, got frustrated with me. But I never felt like he gave up on me.

I was very good at what I did. I had a lot of pride in my abilities; in my work. Somewhere along the line, I lost that. I don't know how, where or why. But it happened.

It seems like my mind is never at rest and its causing problems. I've lost focus (BFL helps a lot when I'm really focussed on it ... It spills over into other areas of my life). So I spoke with someone yesterday who suggested I needed to find my centre. OMG ... Talk about an epiphany! So I took 15 min last night before bed and did a little yoga and my mind finally calmed. After my workout this morning, I took 10 min to breathe deeply, calm my mind and relax.

Now I feel like I can get back to where I was professionally, I can rejoin my blogging friends, I can really hit my workouts hard, to find more joy in my life.
Interesting how one (technically it was 2 in one day with 2 diff people but u know what I mean) conversation can have such a major impact on your life.

So thanks for hanging in there with me while I got my head together.

Day 45 of 84 - Shapeshifting

2010-11-10T21:22:00.000-05:00

One of the best .... and worst parts of working out witih weights is that one's body changes shape. I'm developing a rounder butt than I've had in years .... and years..... whcih is great! My abs are tightening but I still have the fat over top and now it looks worse than before I starting losing the fat. I look like I have a pooch of sorts. that's bad. very bad. of course it probably looks worse to me than it does to anyone else. but still.

"they" (whoever "they" are) say you can't change the shape of your body. I beg to differ. Because I'm doing it. Wiill cardio alone do it? No. You'll end up a smaller version of your larger body. Weight training ... pushing yoru body to use heavier weights than you have before ... is what will make significant changes in your body. Is your bone structure going to change? No. But can you develop a smaller waist, a rounder butt, a more hourglass shape.

Oddly, you can even grow, just a wee bit. Because when you're strong and fit, you stand taller, straighter, and that's how you can grow, just a wee bit taller.

I encourage women to push their bodies. Don't be afraid of using heavier weights (as long as it's safe and you can handle it) ... don't play it too safe. You won't bulk up ... you don't have sufficient testosterone. What you will accomplish, is strength, sexy toned, tightened muscles, great flexibility, endurance, the ability to go from morning to night and still have energy at the end of the day.

A combination of strength training, cardio work, yoga or pilates (for flexilibility ... very important), healthy eating of lots of fruits and veggies, whole grains and protein, lots of water, will give you amazing results!

Day 45 of 84 - Never Give Up!

2010-11-09T22:00:00.000-05:00

Last week could have been disasterous to reaching my goals.

I think Monday was ok. I think I took my lunch and had a decent dinner and I did my cardio in the morning.

The rest of the week however was crazy and could have totally derailed me but I made healthier choices for 4 lunches and 2 dinners. I only did 1 cardio workout and 1 upper body workout.

To boot, I was fighting something. Wed I felt horrible so Barry took care of me and I had soup for dinner anf went to bed early and got extra sleep. Doubled up on vitamins C and D and felt great by friday.

In a previous life I would have been out of control by Friday. But my attitude has changed when it comes to food. This is a war I've been fighting most of my life. Its not over. I've won a lot of battles but I expect to fight this war the rest of my life. Addicts are addicts. You're never cured of your addiction; you just learn to control it and keep the monsters at bay.

Saturday I didn't eat a lot. It was my Free Day, but the week had been rough so I tried to regain control. Then we went dancing and burned a lot of calories. Sunday was a bit of a wash but we went for a little walk and I tried to eat lightly again. And I've been up the past 2 morning working out and eating well. I'm making lunch dates to walk or shop and take my food.

So the moral of this story is that if you're having a challenging week of eating out, make healthier choices, watch your portion sizes and get back on that horse as soon as possible.

You can win this war!

Day 44 of 84 - Very Important Question ...

2010-11-08T21:07:00.000-05:00

As I was walking from my office to the GO train tonight, it occurred to me, once again (it did last year too), that almost everyone wears black coats in the winter. This makes no sense to me.

It's a dreary time of year - less sunshine, less daylight, makes people harder to see.....

I just don't get it. Why aren't we wearing red and purple and pink and cream and orange? Bright, happy colours to lift our mood and make us safer.

Huh. Odd.

Here's a little tidbit ... exercise is amazing for your sex life :)

Sorry I've been absent

2010-11-06T12:11:00.000-04:00

I had another post ready to go but this has been weighing on my heart way too much.

Thursday was one of the most rollcoaster days I've had in a long time.

First we found out one of our staff members from another office was let go under difficult circumstances.
Then I confirmed lunch with a friend who had to postpone me from Tuesday at the last minute
Then I got an email from a former colleague and friend that a mutual colleauge had died ... he was 50.
Then I went for lunch with my friend.
Then I got handed a bear of a lease ... then my client emailed with questions on another one. Urgh!
Then I left work and met Barry and we went to the funeral home for the visitation. I didn't see anyone from Brian and my former employer but I did bump into a couple from my current job who Brian had sold a house to. Tiny, tiny world.
Then we stopped at Aren't We Naughty, found a GORGEOUS black garter belt with rhinestones around the waist and rhinestones on the straps which I HAVE to get soon and bought some sexy undies.
Got home, had a shower and went to bed.....

I was really happy to see Friday. Thursday was probably one of the most emotional days I've had in a long time. It was just constantly up and down.

For some reason, Brian's death has hit me hard. Maybe because he wasn't quite 51. Maybe it's because we had lost track of each other years ago and then about 4 or 5 weeks ago, he popped into my head out of the blue. Apparently he was diagnosed with Lymphoma about a year ago, went through chemo and was doing better. Then about 6 weeks ago, he took a turn for the worse. And 5 weeks later (on Oct 31st), he was gone.

He was this amazing guy, who everyone loved; easy going, caring, a talented pianist, loving father of 2 and husband of Anna for 30 years. I guess it makes me realize, once again, just how short and precious life is. It makes me so sad that I lose track of people. That life is just so FREEKING BUSY and I try to keep up with people but between working out, going to work, chores around the house, trying to eat healthy, spend time with hubby, running errands, blah, blah, blah, and going to bed at 10 when I get home at 6 at the earliest, it's frustrating.

To make matters worse, one of the most important people in my life had been travelling the world, was supposed to be back around the end of September but hadn't let me know he was back. And although he's in great health, he's 58, travelling to South Africa, Europe, Russia, I was suddenly worried. I didn't think much of it before Brian but I did talk to him on Friday so that's put my mind at ease about that.

In reality, I "take care of people". My mom always called me a frustrated mother since I didn't have kids of my own (my choice), I "mothered" others. I need to know that my "chicks" are all ok. When we had the big blackout in August of I can't remember what year ... I think it was 6 or 7 years ago.... my mind wouldn't rest until I knew that my mom, my sister, brother and especially Barry were all ok. I can't help it. It's just who I am.

So my "resolution" going forward is to make the time to keep in touch with people; both people who are current in my life, as well as touch base with those I haven't talked to in a while. And if that means scheduling calls and emails in my BB, I will do that. And make sure that I'm using my BB productively and keeping in touch with people.

So take care of yourself, keep in touch as I will, hug your kids, your spouse, your friends ... and remember that without people in our lives, it's a very lonely place.

Love you!

Day 33 of 84 - Everything is Fine

2010-10-28T21:15:00.000-04:00

I've had a few people concerned I haven't posted in a couple of days. Not to worry. I was at a conference on Tuesday and got home late and last night was a "recovery" night. It's getting late ... AGAIN. But I wanted to let you know that although my eating hasn't been the best this week, I'm not worried. I've been working out ... except yesterday.

Of course this is an important week ... but I feel good. I'm not worried about not getting into my skirt on Saturday.

One of the biggest things I've learned this week is that I have finally learned to exercise self control. It started to get out of hand yesterday with something between a gummy bear and wine gum. I ate too many of them but then turned my back on them and promptly forgot about them. And tonight we went to our local farmer's market for the last time this year. We ended up with amazing brownies and lots of chocolate chip cookies. All home made. We had stopped at Quiznos for dinner, got home, got settled, blah blah blah. Then I went up for veggies and was going to get a brownie but stopped myself.

I've noticed that if I actually think about what I'm about to do, I usually can stop myself. I just have to apply this to coffee .... hmmmm.

I just wanted to drop you a line and let you know I'm doing great. Tomorrow's Friday. Woo hoo!
Have a great one!

Day 30 of 84 - OMG I blew it!

2010-10-25T21:44:00.000-04:00

Everything was going along, just wonderfully today. I had a great workout, nutritionn was on track until lunchtime and then it went to hell. I resisted the donuts and the muffins this morning. I almost bought something at lunch ... decided to wait until I got back to the office and ate.

It must have been the sandwich. And then the third coffee. My stomach started to feel like it was rotting. And no antacids in site. And then Barry had an appointment so I ended up having a slice of pizza and some veggies. And then it was crackers and cheese.

But tomorrow is another (challenging) day. I have a conference from 10:30 until 4:00 (they're feeding us lunch) and then a tour and out for dinner. Thankfully I'll be able to control my portion size and dinner is at Hot House Cafe ... lots to choose from. I should have one of their salads ... but their Jumbalya is my fav.

So ... bad day today ... I'll take my Prevacid tonight and be better tomorrow ... and restrict my coffee intake. Tomorrow is a new opportunity for meeting my goals.

Here's to a great day tomorrow!

Day 29 of 84 - Finally seeing results

2010-10-24T11:59:00.000-04:00

So today was "results" day. I say results rather than weigh-in only because I take measurements as well as weigh myself. I restrict this to once a month because more than that for me personally, is too much. I don't see significant enough results to encourage me. But that's just me. I will weigh myself every couple of weeks just to keep an eye on things but hey, everyone's got to do what they've got to do.

So I'm down 5 pounds in 4 weeks. I lost a total of 8 1/4" all over, most signicantly - 2" in my shoulders, 1 1/4" each from my midriff and my waist and 1" in my tummy. I am freeking thrilled! I still have a ways to go, but I'm really happy with the progress I've made.

After a great start from Mar to Dec 2009, I feel like I've been "putting in time" the past several month. In the past I've spent a lot of the winter months sick and not working out much. I never fully recovered my workouts from Winter 09-10. It's like I was allowing my body to get used to being smaller, but taking a "break". It wasn't intentional. I still got up at 4:15 am, I still did my workouts and I still watched my nutrition. I never gave up though. But I didn't focus on it. It felt like I was going through the motions.

But 4 weeks ago, I said enough is enough. It was time to get serious about removign the rest of the fat, building sexy muscles and improving my stamina and my health. I can't believe it was 4 weeks ago already that I made that decision. I haven't been without my challenges the past 4 weeks between lunches and dinners out, stress, decisions that had to be made, yada yada yada. Everyone has crap they have to deal with.

As a good friend of mine reminded me yesterday, it's not what happens to you, it's how you handle it. How true. He's a pretty smart guy.

It's a cool, rainy, windy, crappy Fall day today. We worked out hineys off yesterday closing up the outside. I still have more work that I want to get done, but the important stuff is done. Today I tackle the inside, especially the office. Paper is my enemy. And yes, that's all I deal with at work. Anyway ... I am determined to get it under control in my home office.

I need my snack now. I'm running a little late. Apple and peanut butter. mmmmmm.

Have a great day ... and NEVER give up on your dreams!

Day 26 of 84 - Quick Hello

2010-10-21T21:18:00.000-04:00

This has been a brutal week. Work has been insane and our evenings have been so freeking busy, I haven't had much time to chill and blog. I've started a few posts but haven't finalized anything.

I came across a new follower today and I checked out one of her blogs. She reminded me that if there's a problem, fix it, don't just whine about it. I'm afraid that's what I've kinda been doing this week.

And since this blog is more about inspiration than whining, I haven't been writing. I need to work things out on my own and then I talk. Ask Barry.

Anyway, tomorrow's Friday. YAY! I'll have time on the weekend to get caught up on all the stuff I want to (I hope) so you'll definitely be hearing from me. And my weigh in and measurements are Saturday morning so I'll definitely share then.

So have a great day tomorrow and I'll touch base again real soon.

Sandy

Day 24 of 84 - I am so excited!

2010-10-19T21:43:00.000-04:00

I had a post almost ready to go today but I decided to keep it short (partly cause it's late and I gotta head to bed soon).

Barry and I have been invited to a Hallowe'en party. This should be interesting. Barry is going as a pimp and I am going to be one of his "girls". We got his costume tonight ... purple crushed velvet ... then we ran short of time. So when we got home, I went looking for stuff from my closet. I was looking for a short skirt. So I tried on a skirt I haven't worn in so long I can't even remember wearing it. Not only could I get it on, I did the button up and while it's snug, I could wear ... and this at the end of the day, not the morning!

I cannot begin to tell you how excited I am. This has been a long road for me. I'm nowhere near my goal ... but this is the first step of many. My goal is to buy a tankini by next June 1st. Progress is being made. This has only spurred me on to recommit and work even harder.

I have a floral minidress that I bought probably 14 years ago. I could wear it then. I haven't worn it in probably 10-12 years. I am going to get into that dress next spring. I am so focussed now on reaching my goals ... I feel so amazing. But it is getting late so I'm going to say goodnight.

I will leave you with one thing though ... don't give up. EVER. Even when you think you can't do it, when life is getting in the way, just focus, focus, focus. And ask for help. Don't ever hesitate to say "I'm struggling ... I need help". And if no one else is around ... I'll be here.

Good Night!

Day 23 of 84 - Some of my Favourite Things

2010-10-18T20:51:00.000-04:00

I was inspired by hubby and thought I'd share a little more of myself with you.

Music
Dancing
Making love
Strength training
Long brisk walks with Barry
Latte
Our Kitties
Sitting in front of a fireplace on a cold, snowy day
Hanging with friends
Sunrises, sunsets
Hanging on the deck with a drink in my hand, friends to chat with and music playing in the background.
Gardening
Fireworks
Throwing parties - big or small, I love them all!
Family bbqs
Weddings
Animals of all kinds ... even the four legged kind LOL

Cooking
Baking (don't do it very often any more but I enjoy the process
Making new friends
Catching up with old friends
High heels (I'm 5'7" so I don't wear them too high .... Usually 3" or so. Barry' 5'11" so I don't want to wear really high heels ... Who am I kidding ... I'm not 20 anymore ... I can't handle higher than 3". Lol
Encouraging others to reach for their goals

Day 22 of 84 - "Measure success by what you gain, not just by what you lose."

2010-10-17T11:13:00.000-04:00

Every day, I have a "lesson for LIFE" that I read. I've been reading these lessons over and over each time I do a challenge. Today's hit me hard.

Bill talks about measuring success not by what you lose (weight) but by what you gain ... in energy, in attitude, in strength, in renewed health. And I have gained so much in this journey. I have re-gained a self-confidence that I had lost for a long time. I have gained energy like I haven't had in years. I've always been pretty strong for a chick in my upper body, but now I've gained lower body strength as well.

My health? Yes, it's better too. I don't struggle with my breathing like I used to. Sex is easier and better. My flexibility in general has improved. I'm not struggling with panic attacks any more. I don't dread being active, I look forward to it. I take my supplements religiously and it appears they are helping.

So while just losing pounds on a scale is awesome, and it's definitely part of the process, but remember, it's not the only thing about this journey. It's about getting healthier, fitter, happier. And while there are many ways of getting there, the important thing is that we eventually get there.

I follow, promote and believe in the Body for Life program. Is it for everyone? Of course not. Not everything works for everyone. That's why there are so many options. The key is to find what works for you. Some people can handle a "cheat" day, others cannot. If you cannot, do not do it. If you can, then it's a great way to reaffirm to yourself just why you're doing this. Do you need to do it every week? Of course not. If being strict every single day works for you and keeps you on the straight and narrow, then by all means, follow that. Everyone is in a different place. We just have to find what works and stick with it.

I wish you all an awesome day. Remember to celebrate your victories, but never get complacent.

Day 21 of 84 - Free Day!

2010-10-16T20:12:00.001-04:00

It's finally the weekend! Today is my free day. It's the one day of the week that I can (legally) eat what I want. When I first started this journey, it was a free for all. Now... I utilize it (and definitely need to today) for irregular eating or eating certain items that are not on the approved list.

We had breakfast at almost noon (we were a little pre-occupied :)), a yogurt at 3:30 and by 5 pm I had a serious drop in blood sugar, energy level, whatever ... all I knew was that if I didn't eat within the next 10 minutes, I was gonna be in trouble. Or at least it certainly felt that way. So we had leftover pasta and some carrots.

Then the "I want something sweet" started. We don't keep junk in the house any more, so I settled for a semi-sweet chocolate square. And that was all I needed. I made a big fruit salad full of berries, pineapple and mandarins ... I'll have a bowl of that in a while and that will be my food intake for the day. Oh yeah, and I had my mandatory latte this morning. But I make it myself, use skim milk with a bit of flavoured cream and some sugar. Not nearly as bad as Starbucks. (in more ways than one .....)

Barry (hubby) commented to me today that my legs and but had really firmed up. And the other day he mentioned there wasn't nearly as much of me to get his arms around when he hugged me. And there's not nearly as much torso as there used to be. I'm stronger, more flexible, have better stamina and I really noticed the progress this weekend.

It's really amazing ... I had been going along, doing my workouts, eating fairly well, but not really noticing a lot of progress for a while. It was like my body was adjusting after I had made good progress the first number of months .... it's like it needed time to catch up. Then I re-focussed my efforts, amped up the intensity of all my workouts, started paying more attention to my food intake, and all of a sudden I'm noticing a difference. I don't think about food nearly as much as I used to. If I'm distracted with something better to do, I go longer without eating (which is not necessarily a good thing) and I'm definitely progressing better with my workouts.

So don't give up. Don't get down on yourself if your body needs a little breather. Sometimes taking a little "time out" from your regular routine is good, as long as it's only a little time out and as long as you re-focus your efforts and increase your intensity.

I hopped on the scale this morning ... I wasn't going to until next Saturday ... my weight is down is 213.6 pounds. It hasn't been quite this low in a while. Funny thing is, I started at 221. Less than 10 pounds. But 2 dress sizes. It's amazing what happens when you combine weight training with cardio and healthy eating. So if you're weight training as part of your weight loss regime, don't worry too much about the pounds as long as you see results.

Barry said tonight that once I get under 200 pounds we'd go celebrate with a nice big dinner (he was kidding)... I said he could buy me some sexy lingerie. He was happy about that.

Have an awesome weekend!

Day 20 of 84 - Learn to Fall in Love with the Process

2010-10-15T21:14:00.000-04:00

I love this picture. Originally all I saw was the stairs and to me it represented the long climb to fitness. Then I noticed the escalators. It seemed so appropriate since so people these days are trying to take the "express route". This post is about falling in love with the process of truly getting fit.

I've lost count how many times I've tried to get back into shape over the past 20 years. I could never get enough momentum going. I couldn't find what worked for me.

I tried Atkins which actually worked really well but I'm not sure it:s healthy in the long run. I kept waiting to feel awful. I didn't. I felt fabulous. But its bloody hard to sustain, especially eating out.

About 12 years ago I stumbled across Bill Phillips, EAS and Body for Life. Finally, aqprogram that was a 3-pronged approach, it was simple, (not easy, just simple) easy to understand and follow and it was something that was adaptable and sustainable.

Its divided into 12 week "challenges" which is why I do an 84 day count. So I did the first challenge and got reasonbable results. But life happened and I lost focus, caring for sick parents. And then the weight really started to pile on. But I always believed in the program.

I've since learned to fall in love with the process of getting fit. I love my workouts, I feel so great when I eat healthy, and I love to help and nurture people. Mom always called me a frustrated mother. I chose not to have children but I guess that instinct of caring for people is still very strong. I just don't want it on a full time basis.

When you have to completely change your eating habits, your relationship with food; when you have to discipline yourself to get out and move every day; when you have to learn to plan ... your workouts, your meal plans, it takes discipline. And it can get laborious. It can become a drag. I've done this for so long (off and on ... more off than on though), it can become so monotonous.

I had a eureka! moment this week ... Actually more than one but this one in particular really hit home. You need to fall in love with the process; of journalling, of eating healthy meals, of working out. And it occurred to me that I finally had.

We went grocery shopping tonight, before dinner, and I was famished. And tired and hot. Not a good combination. But I didn't even walk down the junk food aisle. We did not pick up one bag of chips, cookies, any type of junk food. It occurred to me for a moment because tomorrow is my free day ... the one day a week I'm allowed to eat whatever. But I didn't feel like getting anything. I'm not sure whether the power of junk food has finally released me from its grasp or not, but it's a lot easier than it was, even a couple of months ago. And I am grateful.

So stay consistent, continue eating healthy food, get off your butt and move that body cause that's what we're meant to do. TV's, computers, video games ... they're all fun and I spend too much time on my butt, but moderation. We need to become more active.

Body for Life teaches about the Universal Law of Reciprocation. You know, do unto others .... it's about encouragement and support and helping each other. And you guys do such an awesome job. Keep up the great work!

Day 19 of 84 - Our Relationship with Food

2010-10-14T21:05:00.000-04:00

It is a complex relationship. Some people are stress eaters; others don't eat at all. Some people restrict their food severely and binge. Some will vomit.

When did food cease to be merely sustenance; fuel to fill our engines and become a substitue, an obsession, a time waster? Why do we use food to stuff down emotions of stress, depression, anger.

Why do we substitute food for love and acceptance? Its a slippery slope. We start off, perhaps just enjoying good food. But we indulge in too many good meals and not enough activity. The fat starts to pile on. You start to feel uncomfortable in your clothes, in your own skin. Instead of going out and getting active, we eat more. And before you know it 5 years have gone by and you're 50 pounds heavier. How did it happen?

And try to lose it? Why does it go on so easily yet takes a serious amount of sweat equity to remove it?
And why does this only happen to some people and not others?

And then there's the whole issue of portion sizes. We've become so used to supersized portions that we've become supersized ourselves. The level of portion distortion is horrible. And that's Canada. Don't get me started on the U.S. They (I'm not sure "they" are but they should be charged with something ... Yeesh!) have been slowly fattening us up for the kill. Quite literally. Do we have a choice what we eat? Of course we do. But humans are weak. And we love a bargain. I mean, really, do u want to get 4 oz for $10 of whatever or 8 oz for the same price. You get better value for your money, right. Not really. When you think about the price you pay with your health ....

I think we all need to start paying more attention to what we're putting in our mouths and when we're doing it. One of my pet peeves is that "fast food" is so unbelievably high in carbs. not to mention fat and sodium. The past 2 1/2 weeks have been brutal. I've had lunches out almost every day and 4 big dinners. I feel like I need to detox. Probably not a bad idea. I digress. We need more low fat, high protein, balanced meals ... the tide, I believe, is slowly turning, Very slowly. But we have the power to facilitate change. If we ask for it, they will slowly provide it.

And don't forget, if there are underlying issues, and you're really struggling with your relationship with food, don't hesitate to ask for help. Talk to your doctor, a counsellor, a psychologist. They can help. And with the darker months for many of us approaching fast, you might want to try Vitamin D. I take 2000 mg during the summer and 4,000 to 6,000 during the winter. It helps keep me out of a depression.

So here's to healthy eating and a healthy lifestyle. My quote of the day ... "I've failed over and over and over again, and that is why I succeed."

Day 18 of 84 - My Inspiration

2010-10-13T20:29:00.001-04:00

(what can I tell you, he inspires me LOL)

I've had a number of you say that I inspire you. You have no idea how much that means to me.

But what, or rather who, inspires me?

Recently I started following, and am followed by, a number of people who truly inspire and amaze me.

My newfound blogging friends are working to remove 100, 200, sometimes more. And they're doing it naturally.

I figure about 40-50 pounds of fat removed from my body, I will be extatic. And its tough sometimes. I don't always eat properly or exercise enough but I'm in this for the long haul.

A lot of you know that my sister had weight loss surgery in June and is doing really well. 50 pounds and counting. I doubt I could go through with surgery, whether its slimband, bypass or the sleeve (her surgery). Although I suppose if my life depended on it, I would find the discipline.
Regardless of the method, I admire anyone who decides to completely change their patterns, their thought processes, their habits, their lifestyle in order to make a change for the better; to live a happier, healthier, longer life.

So thank you all. I've met some amazing people through our little community. For your encouragement, your support, your inspiration.

Every one of you have inspired me. To eat healthy, to stay active, to stay committed, to get my ass out of bed at 415 am even when "somebody" (who doesn't Actually read my blog) keeps me up until way past my bedtime.

I just watched this on hubby's site. Please visit Life in Quotations. The video will bring tears to your eyes and make you realize that our challenges, while important to us, are minor compared to what this man deals with. He is unbelievable.
I just hope that I help you just a fraction of how much you help me.

Thank you. Stay committed, stay strong, stay empowered. Together we can win this war.

Love you guys!

Day 16 of 84 - sorry for the absence

2010-10-11T17:11:00.000-04:00

I didn't expect to be away from posting for so long. Last week was pretty crazy. We went north to my sister's place for an early Thanksgiving dinner. Her daughter and 4 1/2 year old twin boys live with her and her son was able to make it up from K-W.

So picture this ... 5 full sized adults, 2 young boys, a Goldendoodle (part Golden Retriever, part Standard Poodle .. he's huge and looks like a great big stuffed animal), a Cavachon (part Bishon Frise, part King Charles Cavalier Spaniel ... he's just a little guy and absolutely adorable), a cockatiel, a Holland Lop bunny (absolutely adorable), all in about 1,200 sf ... we were all together in just the living room and kitchen ... tight fit. But it was fun.

And I'm so proud to report that my sister had dropped 50 pounds since her surgery in June. She looks awesome! She's up and moving around and able to do so much more than she has in a long time. It didn't cure her heart trouble, but it's certainly taken a lot of strain off of it.

We had amazing weather, stayed at a great little B&B 5 minutes away from my sister's place, had a great dinner (ate WAY too much even tho I didn't think I did), had a great breakfast (again, too much food), missed my Sunday and Monday workouts but I haven't eaten a lot since I got home.

I had planned on working in the garden all day today but we got a late start, it was cooler than anticipated and I have been doing laundry and ironing all day.

I had started writing a couple of posts but never got them finished so I'll be finishing a piece of our relationship with food for tomorrow's post ... I'll be back on track then.

In the meantime, have a great day ... eat well, keep moving and keep believing in yourself.

Day 12 of 84 - General Update

2010-10-07T21:48:00.000-04:00

What a week! It has taken FOR EVER to get here. It's Thursday night and I'm almost ready for bed. I just wanted to touch base,, say hi and and remind you to not give up, to keep eating healthy, to keep moving. To never get too down on yourself. And if you need some bolstering, to call or write. Make sure you have a good support group ... this isn't easy, regardless of the method you use or the amount you have to lose.

And if you need someone to say "I believe in you" or "get in your ass in gear" or "did you really do that?", I shall oblige.

Until tomorrow.

Day 11 of 84 - Changing your view of yourself

2010-10-06T21:52:00.000-04:00

It's hard to change how you see yourself. When you spend a lot of time overweight and then start losing, it's really hard sometimes to actually see the change.

When I look in the mirror sometimes I still see that fat, middle aged, tired, unhappy woman. I don't see the fitter, younger, energetic, excited, inspired woman who is slowly, slowly taking the fat off. I'm an impatient woman. I want what I want when I want it. This has been a great exercise (pardon the pun) in learning patience. In learning that it takes take to make real changes. That sometimes others see what we cannot.
So don't give up. You can't always trust the mirror. Definitely not the scale. Trust the tape measure, trust how your clothes fit. How you feel. How your habits change. How your cravings subside. You look forward to exercise. You feel horrible when you don't exercise or when you eat too much or the wrong foods.

Keep up the good work. Don't give up. And if you need me, you know where to find me.

*************************

I did good today until dinner. Lunch was a spinach salad with grilled shrimp.
Dinner, on the other hand ... well ... we won't discuss that. BUT ... I didn't eat all of the fries.
I had a great workout this morning.

Day 10 of 84 - When your spouse isn't completely on board

2010-10-05T22:03:00.000-04:00

I married an amazing man. Despite the weight gain, the broken promises to get back in shape, the binge eating, asking him to help me stay on track and then getting pissed off when he said something, he always supported me. More or less.

He's never really struggled with his weight. He's about 14 pounds heavier than he was in high school. Not bad. I certainlly can't say that. he doesn't understand how hard it is. How, no matter how badly you want it, it's really hard to stick with it sometimes. I had a very bad relationship with food. I was, yes, was, a compulsive, emotional eater. Barry can eat 2 cookies; I would have 10 or 12. Instead of a small bag of popcorn, potato chips, whatever, it was the family size. And I'd eat the entire bag in one day. Then I'd feel like crap.

I tried exercising. I couldn't seem to stay consistent. There was always something going on at night. The gym didn't open early enough and I wouldn't be able to get Barry to drive me at some ungodly hour anyway. So I bought the Bowflex and a Gazelle. Still didn't get consistent. Then my manager left the company and 3 months later my mom died. The stress level changed. My attitude changed. Barry had always balked at me working out early. I finally had to have a heart to heart with him and explain that the only way I was going to accomplish this, was to get up early. It took a little adjustment, but he's able to get back to sleep now which helps a lot.

We would always have junk in the house. I used to be a very visual eater. Even if I wasn't hungry, if I saw something I liked, I'd eat it. Even if I wasn't hungry. Can you tell I struggled a lot with food. And having someone at home who could basically eat whatever he wanted didn't help. So I asked him to keep his food in his studio. Then he started to gain a bit and I knew where he kept his stash so I'd go raid it once in a while but it was still better than before.

I'm not sure when it all changed. I feel a lot better. I have a very long way to go. I realized that one of the reasons why I don't like a lot of my pics is that I'm all chest. I didn't really see that until my gf mentioned it. And I looked at my pics differently and I noticed that she was right. Don't get me wrong, I still have a long way to go in the tummy area ... but I'm starting to feel better. When I saw my pics at the wedding in Sept, I realized that I wasn't that fat. I looked a lot better than I thought I did.

I don't think the same way I did. I eat healthy ... most of the time. I exercise 6 days a week ... most of the time. I'm surrounding myself with more people who are on the same journey as I am. Only some of these people have 100, 200 pounds to drop. THEY inspire me. They're amazing. I'm trying to cheer them on as much as I can. I know how much it means to me when you cheer me on. You know, the whole "pay it forward" thing. It's so important to lift each other up. There are more than enough people who will try to drag you down.

So if you have a spouse (or anyone in your household actually), lay it on the line for them. Tell them what you need. If they don't help, don't let that stop you. Show them by your example. Prove them wrong.

You CAN do this! We can do it together .....

Day 9 of 84 - Weighing In

2010-10-04T21:50:00.000-04:00

One of the things I'm reading a lot on the weight loss blogs I've recently started following is that they're weighing themselves and getting stressed over 1 or 2 pound losses. I totally understand why. Which is why I hadn't weighed myself in years. Which is probably one reason why I am where I am. Maybe if I had weighed myself, even once a month, I would have gotten this under control earlier.

My point though, is that very slight fluctuations can be very disheartening, almost self defeating. At least for some of us.

I weighed myself after 1 week and had lost 2 1/2 pounds which sounds great ... except it wasn't hard compared to my eating habits and stress level I had been under. But my eating habits the past few days haven't been great. I've got 2 lunches this week and 1 next week. I'm gonna have to make sure that I'm working out hard, drinking LOTS of water and eating lightly at other meals.

So keep up the good work, train as hard as you're able, drink lots of water, eat healthy, proper portions, and remember to smile and laugh and enjoy the process. I know it's tough in the beginning. God knows i've tried and tried and tried. It's finally taken. My relationship with food has changed. I don't binge any more. I don't eat mindlessly. It's made a world of difference. So keep up the good work!

Day 8 of 84 - Facebook

2010-10-03T11:16:00.000-04:00

I had fought it and fought it for ages. I refused to become part of the Facebook community. Instead, we opted to blog. Two completely different communities in my opinion. But we finally caved and joined FB. And I spent a good portion of yesterday just getting my profile set up, albums (OMG I didn't realize how many pics I had!), touching base with friends I haven't seen in years.

I debated, then finally looked up an old friend. Who am I kidding, he was an on again off again boyfriend of about 13 years. We met when I was 14 he was almost 21. I know it sounds terrible by today's standards but remember ... I was 14 but looked about 20. Until I opened my mouth of course but just to look at me, I was well blessed by that age, I'm 5'7" so I was tall for my age. Anyway, we had a rather tumultuous relationship for many years. He moved to California (he's still there) ... I went to visit him in 1990 ... haven't physically seen him since but he is a FB Friend. Very early in my relationship with Barry, before it became officially "exclusive", I was going to go back to him. See, whenever I got too close to someone, I ran back to him. I'm not sure why. I think it's because I always knew nothing permanent was going to happen ... we just really weren't good for each other in that capacity ... and he was "safe". But I came to my senses and decided it would be a bad idea. Barry and I wouldn't be together had I gone. My gf at the time told me I was an idiot if I went ... apparently I agreed with her since I cancelled. Last time we spoke was about 14 years ago. So I sent him a message (he's been in my lately like he tends to do ... and then we're in contact ... we've been doing this for YEARS!), he didn't recognize the look (I'm naturally a brunette and he hasn't seen me in 20 years) but recognized the name and remembered me. I mean, really, how could he forget??? LOL

So we've been emailing back and forth a few times. It's been great to catch up with him. There's something very comforting in it all. Maybe because so much of my family is gone and I'm searching for a connection to my past. I've lost touch with so many people, but have reconnected with a few through FB. I'm now even able to keep in touch with my brother's wife who is in Brazil, my niece in Lindsay, family and friends who are scattered all over the place. It's nice to keep in touch. It's great to get a glimpse into people's lives when you can't actually be there.

As far as my fitness is concerned, I missed Thursday's upper body workout because I didn't sleep well Wednesday night but got up Friday for my cardio workout. Thursday night we went out for dinner ... Friday night it was dinner at friends' place who just moved to our town a week ago, Saturday was dinner at other friends. And OMG you talk about food! And wine. and laughter. It was a blast! But I was still full at 1:00 a.m. So it was a late night but I got up this morning, did my lower body workout, had a fairly light breakfast ... going to eat light all day today ... and do some gardener and the organzing and laundry and ironing and all those mundane things that one has to do once in a while.

So have a great day ... and enjoy the upcoming week. Until tomorrow.....

Day 5 of 84 - We can breathe now!

2010-09-30T22:10:00.000-04:00

You know that situation I've alluded to? It's finally resolved! And we can breathe again. We've both felt that we've been holding our breath for about the past 5 weeks. We (me, actually) had gotten into a financial mess. We were one step away from refinancing a couple of weeks ago. Then someone pulled the rug out from underneath us. That's when the stress got out of control. But I'm a firm believer in things happening for a reason. We're in a better position financially now than we would have been if the original plan had gone through. So now it's back to life!
I bought myself a pair of Reebok Easytone shoes. My other runners were dead. A while ago. And I love to walk but haven't been able to because my old runners had lost their support and it was doing more damage than good. And I've been waiting for the refinancing to go through before spending just over $100 on a pair of runners. So I got them tonight. WOO HOO! I was intrigued by the Easytones. I didn't know whether they were just another gimmick or not. They're supposed to improve your glutes and hamstrings. here's the trick tho. You actually have to be active and eat healthy too. By themselves, just walking a little here and there ... yeah, nothing. But combined with everything else ... we'll see. The jury's out but I thought it would be great to try them. They do keep me a little off balance (like I need any help in THAT department!) and my legs feel a little stimulated. So I'm going to wear them for my cardio workout tomorrow and see how it goes. But I'm pretty sure I'm keeping them. How exciting!
We went out to Kelsey's for dinner tonight. I remember why I don't eat like that any more. 'cause I can't. I should be in bed sleeping by now (its 10 pm) ... I'm on my way there after I finish this post ... but less than an hour ago, I felt like a stuffed pig. I can't do this any more.
PORTIONS PEOPLE! LOL
Other than dinner, my nutrition wasn't bad today. except for too much coffee. I missed my upper body workout this morning. Lack of sleep. Yes, I wimped out. But I'll be up tomorrow bright and early to do my cardio workout in my new shoes! YAY! I haven't updated my journal in the last couple of days either. But I don't care! Things have settled and I will get back at it tomorrow.
So remember to stay active, eat healthy, breathe, drink lots of water, get sufficient sleep, and remember you're special and loved and deserve the very best that life has to offer!
Until tomorrow.....

Day 4 of 84 - Complacency

2010-09-29T21:21:00.000-04:00

I had a conversation with someone which kept me awake a lot last night.
She said something's changed lately.

It hit me this morning that I've gotten complacent in numerous areas of my life

Including my workouts, blogging, gardening and even my job.

I guess that's why I "reset the button" on my workouts and started back at Day 1. I had already started to feel re-energized. I know, its all in my head but unfortunately its the biggest influence. So I upped the intensity of my cardio workout this morning and I feel great, despite the lack of sleep.

Gardening ... Hmm. This is not unusual for me in September. By March I'll be rarin' to go and out in my winter jacket cleaning up but by September I'm either tired or bored. I'm not sure which. But the plan for this weekend is to spend it out front, rearranging the plants.

Blogging ... It's pretty obvious that I haven't been too into it lately. Nothing to do with you, just my head. September tends to be a bad month for me. Too many deaths or major health issues occurred in September. But that's no excuse for ignoring you. You help me, encourage me, make me feel like a make a difference ...

As for work, I had really been enjoying myself, feeling like I've been making progress but I'm too easily affected by other people's attitudes that its dragged me down.

So, I've already kick started my workouts. I've joined facebook which oddly is keeping me blogging more. Gardening ... a plan is in place. Work ... I'm going to ignore the negative attitudes around me and just be myself ... Confident, capable, positive. Maybe I'll rub off on a few people.

I hope you have/had a great day.

Btw .. Despite the lack of sleep, I had a great workout,

Day 3 of 84 - Determination

2010-09-28T21:41:00.000-04:00

Since joining Facebook and the flurry of activity that's ensued, when the alarm went off this morning, I was confused. I'm not sure exactly what I thought it was, but I kept hitting the snooze button. To the point where it was late by the time I figured out that it was actually the alarm going off and not some notification on FB.

http://www.weheartit.com/

So I sat up in bed with my legs hanging over the edge and had a conversation with myself. It's a familiar conversation.
Motivated Me - Time to get up
Sleepy - Don't wanna!
MM - Get your ass out of bed
Sleepy - Don't wanna!
MM - Do you want to stay where you are or do you want to achieve your goals?
Sleepy - FINE! (pouts) I'll get up and work out. So there!

So I got up and worked out. Had a good leg workout ... helped work out some of stiffness from working in the garden on Saturday.

The rest of the day was kinda crappy and I ate OK but tomorrow's another day.

BTW - I've started reading the blogs of people who have/had a tremendous amount of weight to remove. These people have truly inspired me to get my butt out of bed and to keep working toward my goals. I got a little complacent and that's never a good thing. But I have to succeed at this. My job is kinda on the line. I have to stay healthy or our finances are REALLY going to tank.

But I won't let that happen. I will get/stay healthy. I will remove the fat that's weighing me down. I will be the best "me" that I can be!

Day 2 of 84 - I've gone to the dark side ....

2010-09-27T19:56:00.000-04:00

What a day! Yesterday I joined Facebook. Today my email has been buzzing like crazy. I resisted for the longest time but finally decided that what the hell ... so many of our friends and family are on it that it seems to be the only way we can view pics and it's an easy way to keep up on what's happening with people. It's also a great glimpse into peoples lives that you might not see otherwise.

We took the day off today to deal with some personal business, not all of which was resolved. By week's end, all will be good again.

So I did well today ... worked out this morning, ate healthy all day, even made a chicken stir-fry for dinner with some basmati rice. Unlike some days when I'm off, I didn't snack all day which is great. I'm feeling much better about my journey and feel like I've finally recommitted.

I did wake up this morning feeling like I was fighting something but I'm feeling somewhat better.

I do hurt from yesterday's workout tho' which is great ... I love that stiffness after a good workout.

Have an awesome week everyone ....

Day 1 of 84 ... It's time to get serious.

2010-09-26T11:16:00.000-04:00

I keep a calendar in my home gym and every day I do a workout I put a diagonal line through the date. If I eat healthy and follow my plan it gets another diagonal line and if I practice the "universal law of reciprocation" otherwise known as inspiring and lifting others up, I get a straight line through the date, all to make a "star". There haven't been many stars this month. It's been a very stressful several weeks and before that it was wedding stuff and OMG it just never stopped.

Things are starting to calm down and get straightened out and the gardening is almost done for the season. The big renovation is next weekend (pray for dry weather for me, will ya?). I really need to get this done.

So I decided last night that it was time to get serious. I don't want to go into 2011 in the same shape I'm in. So I decided to weigh myself, take my measurements and have my pics taken.

So here I am in all my glory ....

Can you tell where my issue is?

My weight was 217
Bust - 46
Waist - 41
Tummy - 47
Hips - 43

These are almost EXACTLY the same measurements as I took in April. I know I went up a bit because my tummy (largest part of my trunk) was 49 at one point a couple of months ago and I've come back down. It's amazing how quickly it goes up but it comes back down almost as fast once I put my mind to it.

So ... having done all that and set my goals, the 12 weeks ends Dec 18 2010.
My goals for the next 12 weeks are:

Lose 10 pounds
Wear a size 12 (I'm going to say from Reitman's since that's where I get all my clothes right now and the size is consistent)
Lose 3" off tummy
reduce caffeine intake to espresso in the morning
be able to walk up 60 flights of stairs at home. I'm starting with 5 flights today and will increase 1 flight per day. Then I'll work on the amount of time it takes me to do that.

So there you have it. I am tired of not making the kind of progress I know I can make. I'm actually kinda glad I've stabilized for a while. I'm more determined now to achieve the above goals. My nutrition is my biggest obstacle. And keeping my stress down but that should get resolved this coming week.

Thanks for all your support. I know I haven't been very consistent lately. To make matters worse (or perhaps better), I finally joined the world of Facebook. God help me.

Hope you're having an awesome day ... I'm off to do some weeding in the bank and cleaning up before the cold weather really hits.

TTFN!

Making time for making love

2010-09-23T21:50:00.000-04:00

http://www.weheartit.com/

I was standing in line at Tim Horton's today and there was a man and woman (friends and/or co-workers) and they were talking about how intimacy and making the time to make love has become an afterthought for so many people, especially married couples. Its even worse for couples with kids. She was talking about the fact that her and her hubby have different schedules. She gets up early and goes to bed early; he gets up late and goes to bed late. Man, does THAT ever sound familiar!

Barry, like so many men, likes loving in the morning ... he wakes up fresh and rarin to go; I'm usually thinking about everything I need to do that day. I usually get rather amourous at night. The day is done and I can relax; no commitments, nothing pressing needs my attention. By the end of the day Barry's tired and just not that enthusiastic. Hence why we could go months without making out. How sad is that. But he never cheated. And he loves sex. Have I married an amazing man or what? I'm not sure what I did right to deserve him...

Now we make the time whether its convenient or not. We figured out that right after work, after we've had our showers, is the best time and our relationship is better than ever.

Why am I telling you all this? Because I wanted to remind you to make the time. Its tough when you both work, there's chores ... Dishes, laundry, housework .... And then if you have kids its even worse. And for women, sex can become one more thing on their "to do" list. And when you're running and running and everyone wants a piece of you and you give and give and give and then there's nothing left of you by the end, its so easy to feel like making love with your partner is just one more piece of you but you don't have anything left so your partner gets "put on a shelf" and then the bickering and nitpicking starts and before you know, you're fighting and you drift apart and then you either split, live like siblings or one (or both) cheats (deep breath).

So make sure you make the time to make love. It should get better with time, not become a duty or "one more thing that needs to be taken care of". Life's short. And difficult. And precious. And so wonderful. Make the most of your life.

Getting back on track

2010-09-15T04:26:00.000-04:00

As I mentioned yesterday, I haven't worked out in almost 10 days and I'm definitely feeling it. I tend to wear a lot of "comfort fit" aka stretch material. Today I needed a skirt and the only available one is made of stretch material but it's lined. And the lining definitely isn't stretch. Its reminded me of how little progress I've made lately. And that is totally NOT acceptable!

I was starting to get down on myself ... again ... for slacking. But then it occurred to me this morning that I really needed the rest. I was waking up at 415 every day, trying to get up for a workout but it wasn't happening. I couldn't keep my eyes open.

We have been so stupid busy for so long it dseems, plus the financial stress we're under ... plus working out stresses the body (which is why good nutrition and appropriate rest is so important) ... I probably would have ended up sick (that was the old me).

My point? Sometimes we need a break. If you've been going a mile a minute for a prolonged period of time and are heaading for illness, take a break from the workouts. Continue to eat healthy, get out for walks, drink lots of water and get plenty of rest.

Just make sure its a few days, NOT a few weeks or months. Then get back to it and hit it harder ... You'll be well rested and able to handle a tougher workout.

Bill talked about inertia and how launching a rocket uses 90 percent of its energy (ditto for a train) but once moving, it requires litle energy. Think of the energy as being your motivation. It takes a lot of motivation to start a workout program ... Much less to keep it going. But if you stop for too long, it takes a lot of motivation (energy) to get moving again.

Would it be nice to get an extra hour sleep every day? Absolutely! Do I want to stay fat and uncomfortable? Hell no!

"Sunday" Update

2010-09-13T20:53:00.000-04:00

I know, its Monday. We had this incredible weekend which didn't end until late yesterday.

A number of months ago, I was "introduced" to an incredible woman who goes by HHL. If you haven't visited her blog, Falling off a High Heeled Life yet, please do so. It will definitely put your life in perspective, inspire you, make you laugh and make you cry.

Our weekend started pretty rough with a very emotional Friday. Saturday started to look up. We won't know much until at least Thursday.

Typical me (and I really have to break this habit) because I was stressed I "needed" more sleep and I didn't work out last week ... And yes, I'm really feeling it. I did work out Sunday a.m. but missed today because we were late getting to bed. Dinner at 830 isn't very condusive to going to bed at 10.

So we had made arrangements for HHL and Mr. G to come visit. They arrived later than originally planned but that was fine with us. Gave us a little down time. At least our house is clean now (company always spurs us on to clean and tidy the house lol). We toured the gardens and chatted. Then we went into the house, I made lattes (they were so sweet ... brought donuts and wine (no, we did not consume together .... Ugh)). Anyway, we sat and chatted and they shared more of their story. We were so mesmerized we didn't realize it was 7 (they were supposed to leave around 6) and we just kept talking. They finally left just after 8. We had chatted away almost 5 hours and it felt like maybe 2. We have a number of common interests and they are this incredible couple and it was just easy to spend time together. Next time, their place.

My alarm went off at 415 .... re-set it to 515. I was going to go for a walk at lunch but I didn't. That's what kept me going last week. I have 4 weeks left for this "challenge". .. By cutting this down to 12 week increments, it really helps me focus instead of looking at this weight loss journey in one big, overwhelming project. It's the old "how do you eat an elephant??? One bite at a time".

Today was a complete write off. I was so tired today and didn't have appropriate food to get me through the day but dinner was good and tomorrow's another day. Gotta get some sleep tonight.

So how was your weekend?

Turning Negative Energy into Positive

2010-09-08T21:00:00.000-04:00

Despite all the fun we've been having surrounding the preparations for the wedding and other events, we've had some setbacks. It just seemed llike things were starting to mount up on the negative side. And it was getting really hard to take. Incidents that happened Tuesday night and Wednesday morning almost put me over the edge (of which I seem to be teetering on quite regularly).

But after the setback this morning, I got thinking about things and remembered that negative energy attracts negative energy. So I decided on my way into work, that the negative energy was banished from my life. I will not accept it. It's been said, "it's not what happens to you it's how you handle it". I temporarily forgot that .

So I channeled positive energy all day and so far it looks like things are turning around. I'll know more in the next day or so but I refuse to accept any more negative.

I tend to wallow, as many others do. I'm not sure why. Human nature perhaps? When I'm really stressed, I lose all energy, all ambition and all my resolve to eat healthy, stay active, blog, whatever. Instead of just taking things in stride, I get so bent out of shape. This doesn't always happen. When one thing happens, I jsut brush it off. When another thing happens, I let it go. But when it keeps piling up, I lose my perspective and my resolve.

Finances have been such a disaster recently. Barry had made a statement on one of his posts that just because people seem to be doing well, doesn't necessarily mean they are. Sometimes it's just a level of indebtedness. I think financial stress has got to be the worst. Especially when you own a house. And when you're trying to keep up appearances that everything is ok when it's not. When there are commitments up the wazoo that you can't keep up with. The wedding was amazing but quite frankly it was a HUGE financial burden. But things are looking up and I will continue to channel positive energy and we will be fine.

I simply won't accept anything less.

So just remember ... when things are getting you down, if you can focus your mind on the positives in your life instead of the negatives, things will get better.

Weekly Update

2010-09-06T19:38:00.000-04:00

Wow, the past little while has been so hectic, so emotional. I'm sorry I haven't been too consistent in posting or commenting. Work is crazy and by the time I get home I'm not as inclined to sit at the computer and think.

So the wedding arrived, was AMAZING, awesome party ... I LOVE West Indian people and now I've got a bunch in my family. Woo hoo! Here's the happy couple ...

Barry and I .....

I'm very happy to report that I not only got into my dress, it looked great. I hope to get a pic of Barry and I soon. I did find a gorgeous pair of basic champagne colour pumps that were so comfy and a clutch which was a little lighter than the pumps and with a little bling (girl's gotta have some bling you know).

Barry was an amazing MC, we danced our butts for for quite a while ... Soca, reggae, top 40, Irish music, and then he started into the Indian music and it went all to hell. I must admit tho, the first half of the night was fabulous ... we didn't sit down for the longest time.

The venue was beautiful, unfortunately we had to have it inside, but they got lots of pics outside (about 900 pics altogether), everyone had a great time. I paid for all my fun ... little sleep, legs were SO stiff ... haven't fully recovered yet. So worth it!

me at the end of the night ....

We saw family we haven't seen in far too many years ... it's really kind stupid ... everyone had a great time. The bed was fabulous ... King sized bed ... REALLY comfy ... too bad I didn't spend much time in it. The bride and groom treated us to brunch the next day ... the food was fab, the company awesome as usual.

The rest of the weekend I have chilled ... been downright lazy actually. Finally caught up with my sis.

This coming week is busy, but not excessively so. I'm really looking forward to this coming weekend. I'm starting the garden renovation and we're finally going to meet one of my absolute favourite bloggers who lives in the area. I can't wait!

So tonight I do my journals for this week .... tomorrow morning I do my workout. The end of the current 12 weeks is Oct 9th. My sis is doing amazing with her weight loss. I've got a month to make some more progress so we can celebrate together. Then my next big goal will be Christmas. I'm taking it in small chunks. They're do-able. Next summer ... bikini. In the meantime ... smaller goals on a steady basis. Time to get REALLY serious about this.

Here's to family, friends, health, good times and a fabulous life!

SOS

A drowned rat .....

2010-09-04T08:00:00.001-04:00

Every Thursday after work I like to go to our local farmers market. It's a little more expensive but the quality is higher and its helping to support our local farmers. Very important....

When I got off the GO train this Thursday, the sky was looking a little ominous and of course Barry was running late 'cause traffic was worse than normal. So I watched the sky. And waited. He finally arrived and we had to stop at the bank. So I was walking back to the car and saw a bolt of lightening in the near distance. Of course traffic along the road to the market was super slow (it runs parallel to the highway).

We get to the market, just arriving at our usual stand (he's got the most gorgeous eyes and this wicked dimple in his chin. I rarely get past that. Nice smile too and very friendly. So while Barry gets home made chocolate chip cookies from the stand next to where I am, I order some fruit and get some veggies. I think I was there for about 2 minutes, the sky getting blacker by the moment. Then it was splat, splat, soak. The rain was coming down in sheets.

http://www.weheartit.com/

As was I wearing dark colours??? heavier fabric???? don't be silly ... it was bloody hot and humid out. I was wearing a very thin, beige tank top and an even thinner sheer skirt (also beige) which thankfully had a black lining. Luckily I was wearing runnning shoes. Because I was standing rigth at the edge of the tent (on the WRONG side of course ... with the torrential rain and heavy winds, the water accumulated in the tent and then splashed all over the bad half of me. It was raining so heavy, I was drenched inside of a minute.

And I do mean drenched. I doubt there was anything left to the hottie's imagination. He even lost track of what I owed him. It was a little chaotic, the winds were whipping, the tent damned near blew away ... I think that had more to do with his losing his train of thought. I couldn't get any wetter.

http://www.weheartit.com/

Barry grabbed the bag of food and ran to the car while I sorted out what I owed him. Then I took off for the car but by that point, what difference did it make how long it took me to get to the car. Of course the car seats are fabric so they got soaked.

We got into the house, closed the front door and off came my skirt, my top and my runners. My unmentionables had to be rung out they were so soaked. I hit the shower and got back to my "normal" state of being.

This morning, the towels that Barry put on the car seats last night were really set. I thought the car seats were dry. Thankfully today I was wearing a dark denim skirt because my butt was wet by the time we got to the GO train. Thankfully nobody could tell.

Will that teach me not to push it with the weather? P:robably not.

Happy Saturday!

Life never stays the same ....

2010-09-03T20:51:00.000-04:00

http://www.weheartit.com/

Barry recently posted on all the changes that have been occurring in our lives. Most of you read him too so I won't regurgitate.

But I am adding one more thing to my list. I have been working 8:30 to 4:30 for years and years. I decided, for several reasons, to switch my hours to 9-5. Which means I'll be taking a different train home at night. It will actually be one of two trains. Which wouldn't normally be an issue but I have this crew that I've been travelling with for some time now and I'm really going to miss them.

Over the past couple of years I've probably collected about 8 people, but only 3 are regulars. Jackie, Steve (he's become one of the girls) and Terry are almost always on the train. Bebe is a semi-regular as is Franca. Kandi was a regular but now works earlier hours. Mercy was a regular but tomorrow is her last day cauz she's pregnant and having a tough time. And then there was Heather. She's been gone for quite a while but what a hoot. I'm sure the rest of the regulars will miss me only because it'll be much quieter now. We're not really loud, we just laugh a lot .... Especially me. But we all live in the same town and I have most of their email addresses. I hope to keep in touch. I don't like losing friends.*sniff, sniff*

What this does do, though, is give me an opportunity to meet new friends and give me a chance to catch up on emails and writing my posts which I do in the morning but my morning travel partner is coming back next week! YAY!

I would be remiss if I didn't mention my two men LOL. #1 eye candy .... OMG there's something about him! I haven't seen him this week :( I'm not sure if he knows that I even exist. Then there's #2. He definitely knows I exist. We did the whole catching glance then, then it was the head nod, and we finally started saying "hey, how's it going". I will definitely miss them both.

I know ... I'm married. .... Very happily. But I ain't dead yet. And although Barry might not broadcast it, he does every bit as much looking and drooling as I do. We tell each other. No biggy. He's just quieter about it. That's not my personality.

So here's to changes and new adventures.

SOS

Sometimes the Past Comes Back to Haunt Us.

2010-09-01T21:11:00.000-04:00

Its kinda scary how the past sneaks up on us sometimes.

Barry got a little worked up yesterday. His imagination was getting the better of him. So we were getting into things and he was a little more aggressive than usual but no more than he has in the past. I was chuckling at first cauz I kinda knew what he was thinking about. But then I started feeling a little out of control and just not ready. I thought it was because I thought he would have rather been with my friend then rather than me. I didn't say anything all evening cauz I thought I was overreacting.

Then I realized that it wasn't Barry;s aggressiveness, nor who he was fantasizing about (cauz she is not only hot but incredibly sweet) but rather it took me back to that night with the juiced up bouncer ... My closest encounter with date rape.

Now in the past I would have continued to stew rather than address the issue and talk about it. I knew Barry would NEVER want to hurt me but I didn't give any indication that there was a problem.

So when I went to bed, I opened up and told him how I felt. I know he felt really bad and it had nothing to do with his intentions or what he did. It was a set of circumstances that just got out of control. He made me promise that if I ever start feeling that way, I would speak up and ask him to slow down.

The reason I'm sharing this? Because I know there's far too high of a percentage of women who have been abused, raped, etc., who have had really bad sexual experiences. And I just wanted to encourage you to speak up. Chances are that if you're with someone steady, he'll understand if you get freeked out. It's so important to share that experience with someone you're involved with because you never know when the past is going to rear its ugly head.

As I said before, its so very important to talk to someone if you've experienced any type of abuse or even just a sexual experience that left you scared and feeling out of control.

And if you need someone to talk to, just drop me a line @ sandysgettingfit@gmail.com. I can't fix it, I just lend an ear and give you my support.

We have to learn to take care of ourselves and each other.

Hugs to all

Update Sundays

2010-08-29T19:31:00.000-04:00

OMG I can't believe it's been almost a week since I posted. It's scary how fast a week can go by. This one isn't looking any better. Barry's got a dinner on Monday night, I've got a company picnic Tuesday afternoon, Barry's got the rehearsal dinner on Wednesday night and I've got lunch on Wednesday with a girlfriend, Thursday we're off to the market after work (fortunately that's usually fairly quick) and then Friday I really hope we can come straight home, have dinner and chill 'cause then we've got the Wedding Saturday (of course I have to get my nails and hair done first then go to the hotel and finish getting ready), then it's brunch on Sunday with the group then it's home in the afternoon, and chilling on Monday. Take a freeking breath!

Anyway, 6 days and counting to the wedding and I'm super excited. It should be a great party. I've got a ton of fresh foods in the house, Barry BBQ'd a bunch of meat, the veggies are cut up and the fruit salad is made. So we're set for the week. Except for the pizza and the Hagen Das but just because they're here doesn't mean that I have to eat them. I'm going to be too freeking busy anyway.

I'm feeling good about the dress; got a pair of gorgeous, simple champagne coloured pumps for the wedding for a whopping $25! One of my missions at lunch this week (I only have 3 available) is to find a champagne clutch.

My workouts were pretty inconsistent last week but at least my nutrition was ok. This week the focus is on making sure I make every single one of those workouts. Today I went for a 45 minute power walk, then came home and did my ab routine. I probably haven't eaten enough today but I can live with that.

I also decided to make a long term goal for myself. By May 24, 2011, I will be in a bikini. I may only wear it in the backyard to sunbathe, but I will wear it and I will look great in it. So I certainly have my work cut out for me. I have less than 9 months. I think I need to focus, work hard and really focus on my nutrition.

I hope you all have a great upcoming week and I'll try to stay consistent with my blogging, despite a hectic schedule, cause after all, you inspire me so much to work hard. How could I possibly let you down?

SOS

Sex and Intimacy

2010-08-23T18:12:00.000-04:00

Ok so we're back to serious topics.

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I'm not sure where to begin. Hell, I don't even know how it happened.

When Barry and I were dating, we had a good sex life. I had enjoyed sex. Or so I thought. I think in reality I had spent so many years using it as a crutch, as a "weapon" (against myself I think) that I'm not sure it was anything I truly enjoyed. I guess looking back on it some of my experiences when I was younger kinda messed me up. But one thing is for certain. I was head over heels in love with Barry. He was everything I looked for in a man. Kind, funny, good looking (even my "type" was a lot more muscular with longhair). He forced me to be more open and communicative. And I enjoyed being with him.

Then we got married and about 15 months later we moved in with my parents and although we basically had the basement, our sex life started to suffer. At first it was ok but there was so much tension, so much stress, that it was starting to become one more thing on my to do list. The stress of dealing with then caring for my parents was too much. I wasn't eating well, my workouts were good for a bit but then mom got sick and I gave those up. The weight started to pile on and the bigger I got the less interest I had in sex. This went on for years. It didn't help that our "clocks" were opposite.
But I gotta hand it to Barry. He stuck with me through the ups and downs, the weight gain, the depression, my parents, my brother (don't get me started on that one). It was so unfair. I'd push him away cauz his timing sucked and eventually he stopped trying. I don't blame him one bit.

I have a confession to make .. When he started blogging I was resentful. Something else to come between us. Never mind that I was my biggest obstacle. Never mind that he needed this. Blogging has done for him what I couldn't. It helped him through his accident aftermath. And that hurt. I was supposed to be his rock.

But the good news is that things have changed, I have a lot less stress in my life and I've lost enough weight and I'm eating much better and now I feel like I'm making up for lost time. LOL.

And in the future if things get overwhelming I'm gonna try something radical ... Are you ready for it??? I'm a gonna talk to my hubby and tell him how I'm feeling! Its just so crazy it might actually work. But I'm trying to set my life up so I don't encounter THAT again.

So I guess I would encourage the ladies that if life is getting the better of you and your sex drive is in the toilet, talk to your mate. Or a bff. Or a counsellor. Someone. Anyone. Don't make the same mistake and I did. Cauz I don't k now that most men would stick around and be faithful to someone so distant.

I wish a fulfilling, meaningful life for everyone. And if anyone tells you that sex (and I don't just mean intercourse) doesn't matter ... they're full of shit cauz it does. How do you have true intimacy without it? Isn't that what separates a marriage from a brother-sister relationship? It's easy to get into that rut. I know a lot of women who say the same thing.

Now I'm not suggesting that you try to keep a guy this way. But if you're in a relationship, its one of the best parts.

So here's to great, fulfilling relationships .... All aspects.

Update Sundays

2010-08-22T12:48:00.000-04:00

So much has been going on in my life lately, it's hard to keep up sometimes. The days just flow into each other.

I've been fairly consistent with my workouts and eating fairly well. Due to financial constraints we haven't been eating out nearly as much which helps ... A LOT. Only 13 days to go before the wedding. I tried my dress on without the Spanx. I'm pretty sure that with them on the dress will look great. Jewellery ... no issues, I have the perfect set (made by my sis .... or was it her daughter??? doesn't matter, it's gorgeous). My issue ... shoes. I have a pair of silver grey strappy shoes which look great but probably aren't the most comfy. Then there's my black and white ones (the dress is a med purple and so pretty. Sleeveless, draped neck, fitted through the bust, tie at the back and then (more or less) floats away from the body to just below my knees. Then there's these ...

which are quite comfy and would look perfect. I'll probably decide the day of the wedding. I'm just so darned excited! I'm so happy for Barry's brother and they are just an amazing couple.

I took Friday off to work in the gardens. Got LOTS done ... YAY! It's a good thing too 'cause yesterday was crappy and today's not much better ... rained most of the morning which is great cause we DESPERATELY need a nice light steady rain for a few hours. I'm feeling so much better about outside and I've got all day next Saturday and perhaps a little time next Sunday but I have to get my hair done next Sunday so I'll look gorgeous for the following weekend. I don't feel like I'm living in a jungle in the back any more. I was able to clean up the utility area which was the biggest source of stress for me. I've cut back a pile of plants. I still have a lot of work to do in the back before I start renovating the front gardens but I'm not stressed now. And I've had such a relaxing weekend ....

So it's back to the grind in the morning. I hope you all have a great week!

2010-08-19T21:03:00.000-04:00

So Tuesday night I walked out to my backyard, looked around and felt completely overwhelmed! I seem to have jungle out back, which wouldn't be such a bad thing except that its probably 30 percent weeds. Combined with the window well issue, all of our social commitments and work being so busy and the inside of my house needs to be dusted, cleaned, organized, etc etc. But hey, that's what winter is for.

So I asked for and received tomorrow (friday) off. Its supposed to get quite cool tonight so after Barry leaves I might just do some dusting, ironing, dishes, etc. Then it will be off to the backyard for some seriouds cleaning up.

First order of business will be watering the back gardens so I can actually weed in case we don't get any rain today.

I've got garbage to throw out, weeding, deadheading, cutting back, u name it. And I'm going to chill for a bit and sunbathe for a bit.

Put the tunes on and away I go!

I wish u all a very happy friday!

Mom

2010-08-18T21:18:00.000-04:00

This is not going to be easy. I really need to get away from these heavy subjects. This will be the last of the series. I miss the happy bouncy sex machine. This is too much the old me. I don't like her much.

I think it was August 24, 2008 (I'm a little fuzzy on the actual day) when she finally left us. The last 4 years of my mom's life were hard on everyone. The hardest decision of my life was to put her in a nursing home. I felt like I failed her. But I didn't have a choice. I couldn't quit my job, I couldn't afford to have someone here full time. She needed to be taken care of and I couldn't do it.

She was a very strong woman though. She had diabetes for 37 years. 3 heart attacks. 5 mini strokes. parkinsons. leukemia. vascular dementia (brought on by the strokes). high blood pressure. depression. i think that's it.

I sometimes feel a little cheated with my parents. They were 37 and 42 when I was born. Which is one of the biggest reasons I vowed not to have kids after the age of 30. I missed out on their more vibrant years. The biggest benefit was financial. They were a lot more stable. My brother talks about what it was like growing up. I can't relate. Things were much better by the time I came along.

My mom, like so many, could be so toxic sometimes. How we survived each other, especially through my teens, I'll never know. I remember her grabbing the phone out of my hand one day and hanging up on the guy I was talking to. Never mind that I was 13 and he was 19. His family was from Britain but he was born with black skin. I couldn't care less. My dad on the other hand .... and Mom was always trying to keep the peace. So I threw a temper tantrum. Not pretty for a 2 year old, never mind a 13 year old.

I remember her teaching me how to dance. I wish I had paid more attention. I remember jumping into bed with her on a weekend morning. We'd snuggle under the covers and talk. She wanted so much for me and always tried to steer me in the right direction but I knew better, as most kids do. NOT!

She made me costumes when I was little for Hallowe'en. She loved flowers even though she didn't like to garden. She was so happy to see me start gardening. She always said Dad would be so proud of me. He never saw how much I enjoyed it. Those who knew my parents have said how proud they would be if they saw what I've done to the place.

We threw a party for her 70th birthday. Completely surprised her. It was great. I was happy to be able to do something nice for her. And we threw a 50th wedding anniversary party for my parents a couple of years after that. We managed to get family pics at a local park that summer. It was so nice to have the family together. That was a few years before Dad died.

Today was a really emotional day. I tend to ignore things for a while and then all of a sudden they hit me. I looked at the calendar this morning and noticed that next week it'll be 2 years since mom died. I used to talk to her about all kinds of things before she went into the nursing home. At least I still have my sister, for which I am very grateful, even though I haven't talked to her in a while. Our Sundays have been stupid lately. Every time I started to talk about mom I'd start crying. It's just my way of dealing with this.

So thanks for listening. It's helped a lot. Thank you.

Depression

2010-08-18T20:53:00.000-04:00

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I seem to be on a roll. I tend to write what's on my mind. That's a scary statement lol

I guess this is kinda tied into yesterday's post in a way.

I have fought mild depression during the winter mostly for many years. And then there was probably a 7 or 8 year span that I didn't realize what I was going through until I was through it.

Most of my family has fought depression to varying degrees and with varing degrees of success.

About 2 years ago (right around the time my mom died) I decided enough was enough ... I had to do something about my weight and my health (physical and mental) or I was either going to die a slow death or they would be locking me up somewhere. I had recently been freed from a tyrant of a manager who did more to damage my confidence and self esteem than even my mom. In fact, the day before my mom's wake, I was meeting with a personal trainer. And I got to work. I was fairly consistent for a while and then I spent the winter sick. The following March started I started my "road to recovery" in ernest.

It;s amazing the difference regular exercise and healthy eating makes. The problem is, when you feel like crap, when you can't seem to get out of bed in the morning, when you just eat for comfort and convenience and not health, its awfully hard to break that habit. It starts small and then just spirals out of control. And unless you find a way to stop it, you can end up tired, listless, fat, no energy, unhappy, the list goes on. You get my point.

We all need a lifeline. Whether it's a spouse, a child, grandchild, health, whatever .... we all need to grab hold of something and hang on for dear life.

So I threw myself into the Body for Life program. I started eating more fruits and veggies, fewer bad carbs, lots of water (I still have my coffee habit but more on that in a bit). I got up every morning at 415 (THAT is brutal sometimes) to work out. I started to make a point of complimenting people, encouraging them. That was about the same time as this blog was born. And slowly, I started to feel better. You have been one of my lifelines. I made a commitment to you and I hate to let people down.

And I learned to open up and talk about stuff that was on my mind.

So I would encourage anyone who is dealing with depression, to eat healthy, get regular exercise, lots of water, fruits and veggies, limit your intake of sugar and caffeine, and talk to someone. Start with your doctor, a teacher, a friend, a helpline.

The drug companies would have you take pills and in severe cases, its not a bad idea, combined with lifestyle change. But for mild cases, changing your lifestyle will make a world of difference.

We need to start making our mental and physical health a priority. Everthing else comes second.

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Sexual Abuse

2010-08-17T20:26:00.000-04:00

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I've gotta warn you ... This is a far heavier topic than normal. I've been on a roll lately with the issue of sex but its been pretty light hearted and hopefully encouraging. One of my followers just reminded me of a darker side to sex. I was 13 my first time with a boy at school (summer before high school) who was 16 and I had a big crush on him. I didn't look 13. We were down at the lake one night. It was not a great experience but certainly not traumatic. In fact, I asked my dad to give permission to go on the pill. To which my father replied "well you could have sex with me, I can't get you pregnant". That grossed me out. When I was younger and he was leaving for the week, he'd come say good bye to me and cop a feel. I developed very early and was in a training bra at 9. I didn't tell my mom though. But I did discover that I quite liked sex, even if it was for the wrong reasons. There were a lot of guys through high school and my 20's until I met Barry.

There were a lot of guys I regretted the day after but it was my choice. The bouncer at the club my girl and I frequented was the closest I ever came to date rape. He was juiced up on 'roids and I needed more then hey baby to get ready for him. I wanted him. Big bodybuilder with a killer south african accent. He liked my girtlfriend but settled for me. Stupid what we put up with sometimes. I tried to get him to stop but he wouldn't. I got scared. He eventually figured out that it simply wasn't going to work if he didn't get me wet enough. So we had sex, he left and I cried myself to sleep. And never saw him again.

Thankfully those are my worst sexual experiences and except for my dad, it was more a case of dumb choices. I did eventually tell my mom about dad but I think it was after he died.

But I know that there are an unbelievably large number of people (mostly women but not always) who have suffered actual sexual abuse, rape. Its unacceptable. What makes people (mostly men but not always) think that they are entitled to just take what they want with absolutely no regard for how it will affect the abused?

I am by no means qualified to say what should or should not be done about it. But I do know that suffering in silence helps no one. We all need to listen a little more closely to those who are trying to tell us something but they're afraid to.

For those who have experienced abuse, please speak to someone. Please don't be afraid. Whether the abuser is a family member, a co worker or a stranger, please talk to someone. Please don't suffer in silence.

Observing People cont'd

2010-08-16T20:40:00.000-04:00

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Its interesting to watch people. You know the ones who command your attention? There's something about them. Its unfortunate there are so few of those people around. So many just move through life without making any real impact. They seem to exist rather than truly live and love life. I came across a guy a few weeks who I responded to in such a primal way, it threw me off my game. I'm a pretty self confident person most of the time. Normally I would think nothing of checking the person out and not care whether they knew or not. This guy ... OMG he was ... well ... primal. He had this raw sexual energy about him that made me ask the owner who he was. I've known the owner of the butcher shop (meat market ... what an appropriate place for him to be). He knows I'm a little off the wall.

The guy is a bodybuilder (not surprising) and I have such a weakness for tall, muscular men. And if they're bald and black even better .... but they intimidate me a little, but I kinda like that. By the way ... Barry knows about this guy, knows my reaction and is OK with it. The funny thing is, the guy was dressed in a tshirt and overalls that were dirty (he must work with his hands which is part of the appeal) but there was still this presence about him.

So back to my original point. There's a couple I see on the train every morning. Very attractive couple - he's dark haired, she has a blonde main. They're both in good shape but there's something about them that has always caught my eye.

Tonight Barry and I were at our local Sobey's when Barry just about tripped over his tongue LOL. There was this stunning, and I mean stunning woman. She was at least part Asian but I've never seen anyone with her kind of features before. You couldn't really tell what her background was. She had a nice figure, nothing spectacular but her face more than made up for it. She must be so used to people staring.

I tend to have a somewhat permant evil little grin on my face. I usually have music on and unlike most people, I've usually got my head and foot going with it. I'm not sure if this is a good thing or not.

The people I often wonder about are the ones who seem to want to be almost invisible. Between the way they walk, the way they carry themselves, the way they dress. It all seems to scream "don't look at me". I wonder what's going on in their lives ... Are they sick? Is a loved one ill? Are they going through a divorce? Are they just simply tired and preoccupied with all the commitments that life brings. I don't know why we seem to feel this need to over commit ourselves. But that's a topic for another post.

Update Sundays

2010-08-15T17:44:00.000-04:00

OMG I'm so excited! On a whim, I checked my waist and tummy measurements Thursday morning. I'm down an inch and a half each in less than 4 weeks. Must be the sex. Its got me a lot less stressed than I was. LOL. I honestly can't believe how much more even keeled I've been lately. FINALLY. There are those who have been encouraging me to be this for many years. I've tried it before but it never worked. It was fake. I couldn't sustain it. Now this is just me. I still have bad days (Wednesday was brutal) but I'm generally much better.

I do want to thank you for all your encouragement. You've been telling me I will get into that dress for the wedding and now I truly believe that I will. 3 weeks to go. Intense workouts, strict nutrition and lots of sex. I'll get there!

Here's a couple of pics from my big night out last with my future sis-in-law for her stagette. I had a blast ... drank too much, danced most of the night away, spent way too much money and I wouldn't trade it for anything!

Visiting old friends

2010-08-12T12:48:00.000-04:00

I was reviewing a file last week and came across the names of a couple of former co-workers who I've known for roughly 20 years. We were 10 when we worked together LOL. Anyway, I emailed John and he told me Isabel was working for him again. I was so excited! They're actually both at the office that I was in for the last 3 years of my career at the company. They're a 5 minute walk from my current office.

So off I went Tuesday for a visit. OMG I felt like royalty. There were a few people still there ... I left almost 6 years ago ... but I went mostly for John and Isabel.

She said I looked fabulous ... She wouldn't have recognized me on the street. We haven't seen each other in about 10 years ... She said I looked so young (knowing I'm a little older than she is). I showed her my before picture from 2 years ago ... She was suitably impressed. We caught up on a lot of our old friends/co-workers. I work in a very large, yet very small, incestuous community. We all move around quite a bit and you never know where you're going to run into someone. The receptionist Zelma had a couple of old pics of me. OMG ... Permed brunette. YIKES! What was I thinking????!!!!! Not to mention the clothes...

I saw John briefly and he was telling the girls who don't know me all about our history. I left there feeling like a million bucks!

I miss working with these people. I've been collecting people through the years. I pick up friends at different jobs, on the GO train, our neighbourhood, wherever. I love meeting new people, introducing people. And of course if you know Barry, you know everyone loves him. We tend to have rather eclectic groups at parties. There is a central core ... the rest are wildcards and I love it! Life is so special, so precious, and I just love sharing that with people.

Don't be afraid to put yourself out there and meet new people ... not just in our blogosphere... It makes life so much richer! I'm so glad I've met all of you. You have definitely enriched my life.

Observing People

2010-08-10T21:37:00.000-04:00

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Disclaimer

This post is meant to be a lighthearted look at observing people. It is not meant to poke fun at or put anyone down. These are my thoughts, as warped as they are. Please do take offence.

I think my experience at modelling school when I was 14 taught me how to walk, how to carry myself ... And it stayed with me.

As I'm out and about it never ceases to amaze me how poorly people walk. I think I strut more than I walk. My mom used to tease me about my walk even in my teens.

I can't believe how many women waddle. I maen, if you're 8 months pregnant and big as a house, I totally understand. The waddlers tend to be the over 40, under 5'4" crowd who are, shall we say, ample?

Please don't get me wrong. I'm not trying to put anyone down or make fun of anyone. These are strictly my observations. I suppose when you have short, heavy legs, its harder to have a smoother walk. There's also the flip flop waddle. Ladies ... While someone had the bright idea to make fancier flip flops ... And ballet flats for that matter ... And while they're realy cute, they are SO bad for you ... For your legs, your back, your overall posture. Regular flats at least have a little heel ... Half to one inch which makes all the difference.

Then there are the clumpers. There are a couple of women who I see every morning and they clump. There doesn't appear to be anything wrong with them, they just never learned the fine art of feminine walking.

Men are not exempt. There are the "light in the loafers" bouncers, the schleppers, and my absolute favourite ... The "pants are so far down my hips that if I walk normally my pants are going to fall down" crowd. Those are my favourite. I always want to go up behind them and yank their pants up ... Or down. Make up your mind! If you want to advertise your boxers, why not just show them off?

Sexuality

2010-08-09T20:55:00.000-04:00

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I'm not sure what's happened to me recently. It's like someone flipped a switch and suddenly my inhibitions are gone and I've become very self aware.

I finally decided that at 45, it was time to stop trying to please everyone else and just be myself. And that's ok cauz I kinda like me. I'm still kind and caring and polite and everything you've gotten to know. But now there's this edge. There's a confidence that wasn't there before.

I keep saying that life is too short and we have to learn to enjoy it. So, among other things, I'm quite enjoying this new sexual confidence I'm feeling.

I think women need to tap into how they really feel and acknowledge the fact that they have needs and desires too. Some women can be just as sexually voracious as any man. And that's such a good thing.

Women have this power that men generally don't. Sometimes just the knowledge that a man wants you is a powerful emotion. Women need to tap into their sexuality and femininity more often. Its a power I can't begin to explain.

So here's to women power!