I must warn you, this is a rather heavy topic. I got to work this morning feeling great. A little tired (really busy weekend) but otherwise good. Within 15 minutes, I was informed that we had received some very bad news. One of my favourite people at work, although I don't know him really well but have so much respect for him, lost his 19 son (only child to boot) to suicide on Friday. I don't know any details, have not had any contact with him. He lives in Toronto from Mon-Thurs then goes home for the weekends.
We don't have children. I cannot fathom how unbelievably devastating this must be for him and his wife. To lose a child to illness or accident or even the unthinkable is bad enough ... but when someone so young takes his own life ... how do you cope? I believe the young man had some mental health issues so it likely wasn't out of left field. Who knows what other people are dealing with in their private lives... needless to say it was a rather somber day in the office.
So I went out at lunch for some retail therapy .. almost ended up at Danier Leather but thought better of it and went to Reitman's instead (much, much cheaper), bought a new pair of black pants, black top and black and silver belt. And I try to stay away from too much black ... guess it was a reflection of my mood. Then I went to Pinstripe, got Barry a bright blue sweater and a purple striped shirt. Even my trip to my shoe guy didn't help too much.
I guess I was thinking about one of my nephews. He was diagnosed as schizophrenic, probably 15 years ago. He's talked of suicide but he's deeply religious and since Catholics don't believe in suicide, I suspect that's one of the main reasons he's still alive. But he's been distancing himself from the family. He disowned his father. He's becoming more paranoid. I fear for his safety sometimes. His mental health always.
I had a friend commit suicide about 25 years ago. My former brother-in-law hung himself Dec 4th, probably 20 years ago. The same nephew who's sick got married to a woman who was bipolar and she accidentally OD'd. They figure she had a massive drop in seratonin level and she took too many pills trying to feel better. But that's different. She didn't plan it. At least we don't think so. It just seems like there's been far too much of this.
Is it in our wiring? From what I know, it seems like it's a chemical inbalance in people that drives them to do terrible things to themselves. And others.
Of course typical me, I'm solid as a rock during crisis ... then I fall apart when I'm alone. I'm not sure why I do that. Maybe I'm afraid to be vulnerable in front of others. But that's not entirely true 'cause I waited until I was on the GO train with my girl Kandi before I couldn't keep it together any more. Yeesh. Maybe one day I'll learn to deal with things when they happen. Or I'll explode. I'm not sure which is gonna happen first.
So hug your spouse, your kids, your parents, your cat. And enjoy life. It's too short.