Monday, February 22, 2010

A chance to say goodbye.

I was watching One Tree Hill tonight.  Damn them, but Hailey's mom died of pancreatic cancer.  Problem is, my dad died of pancreatic cancer and I never really got a chance to say goodbye to my mom.  They called me on the Wednesday and told me she was bad and I meant to go see her but I was tired or something stupid like that.  I mean, the nursing home is on the way to my house practically from the GO station.  Then Thursday something else happened and I never got there.  Then I got the call on Friday and she was basically unconscious and even though I told her it was ok, it was her time, I never got to say I love you one last time so she'd actually hear it.  Maybe she did.  I don't know.  I just know that after 4 years of making trips to the nursing home I was tired of it and I didn't go as often as maybe I should have.  I used to be really close to my mom until she got sick and I feel like I kinda abandoned her.

So don't take life for granted.  Make sure you tell the people you love that you love them.  Because you never know when you won't have that opportunity again.

She's been gone 18 months now ... I think this is the first time I really acknowledged how I felt about not saying goodbye.  Damn.


  1. Oh Sandy...this post broke my heart. I'm sorry you never had the chance to say all the things you wanted to say. Just know she already knew those things though...

    I agree, we should never take our loved ones for granted. Too many of us do...

  2. She knew hon. She knew you loved her, and dad, and how you felt. She knew it was hard on you to take care of your dad but you did it anyway. She knew it was hard to go to the nursing home and see her and the others like that, but you went anyway. Maybe not as much as you would have liked, but you went. And you know how much she liked it when we visited, even on days when she didn't express it.

    Just remember how many times she told you how much she appreciated you looking after her and dad. You took care of her; don't regret what you feel you didn't do, but be thankful that you were able to do what you did. You made her last days more comfortable and I know she was thankful for it. I heard it in her words and felt it in her silence.

    You looked after both of them and I love you so much for it.


  3. I'm so sorry, and thank you for reminding us all to appreciate our loved ones. Thank you also for your recent comment on my post, you are the sweetest!


  4. *HUG*

    I got to tell my Mom but I never got to tell my Dad (it'll be 17 yrs since he passed on March 20th) so In know how that feels...