OMG I'm 45 Today!

I certainly don't feel it.  I think I got stuck (or actually reverted back) to about 30.  I find myself freeking out sometimes at my age.  I know it's just a number.  I know I look pretty good for my age.  Great genes ... my mom and her mom never looked their ages either.  I just can't believe how fast time goes.  Something will have happened 20 years ago and it seems like 3 or 4.  Barry and I have been together 17 1/2 years now.  We've both changed a lot ... but for the better.  And the good thing is we're both ok with the changes we're both making.  We're both a lot more confident, more comfortable with ourselves.  Maybe that comes with age and experience.

I'll read the posts of some of the 20 somethings, and part of me thinks "I remember feeling that way" and part of me thinks "Life's really not that bad" but then I remember that life was quite different 20 years or so ago.  We didn't have the media attention of stuff that stresses us, we didn't have the internet which creates it's own issues.  We all have to go through what we have to go through.

I remember my mom never understanding why I put myself in some of the positions I put myself in.  She tried to tell me.  I think most mothers do.  They don't want their kids to go through unnecessary pain.  The thing is, it isn't unnecessary.   Just the opposite.  If I hadn't had the experiences I had, I wouldn't be the woman that I am.  And I kinda like who I am.  I didn't like myself much until I hit about my late 20's, early 30's.   I tried and tried to explain that to my mom so many times but she just didn't get it.  We don't get strong and "tough" and able by having people coddle us; rather we grow and stretch and get strong by going through adversity.  You know the old saying "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger"?  It's true.  And whether it's just minor aggrevations or major stuff, like losing a job, fighting cancer or diabetes (which runs rampant in my family and which is why I'm fighting hard to get back into shape so I don't get this potentially horrible disease), it all contributes to the person we are.

I hated my teens and didn't like my 20's much either.  I turned 30 and somehow my life seemed to turn around.  So those of you who are in your 20's ... the 30's are awesome!  You're a little older, a little wiser, you've been working a while, you start to understand who you are....  35 kinda freeked me out tho' 'cauz I realized I was halfway through my 30's.  Turning 40 was a little disappointing only because of my expectations.  I had hoped that Barry would throw a party ... didn't happen.  I'm the party planner in our family.  But we had a good night out with good friends.  My 41st ... he threw a surprise party which I was very happy about.  A good friend of ours came up from Cincinnati in February to join us.  We had a bunch of people at a local wing place that was, at the time, one of our fav places.  Unfortunately it went downhill then got bought out by another wing place.  *sigh*  things change.

Now that I'm 45, life is great.  I'm comfortable with myself.  I have an awesome husband (couldn't ask for anyone better for myself), we have a nice home, a good car, I have a good job which I enjoy (most of the time anyway), we have awesome friends.  Now we just have to get the finances in order ... hmmm.

We were supposed to have our annual tiki party tonight ... then I got sick again with the same crap I had at Christmas.   Hey, as long as I'm healthy for next Saturday, I'll be happy ... we're off to dinner and a  Zappacosta performance.  It's kind of our combination my birthday, Valentine's Day, Barry's birthday (25th) gift to ourselves.  Although he bought me my laptop stand which has helped a lot ...encouraged me to work in my office instead of downstairs with the TV on.

I'm hoping to do the tiki party in early March.  It might work out better for a lot of other people too ... this weekend seemed to be a bad one for people's availability.

Well, I'm off to do laundry (I know, exciting stuff for a b-day), and I'm going to help Barry bake me a cake.  And we'll see what else the day brings.

Have an awesome weekend!

"Life, the ultimate challenge, is not a race to the finish but rather a process of continued growth." author unknown