Its kinda scary how the past sneaks up on us sometimes.
Barry got a little worked up yesterday. His imagination was getting the better of him. So we were getting into things and he was a little more aggressive than usual but no more than he has in the past. I was chuckling at first cauz I kinda knew what he was thinking about. But then I started feeling a little out of control and just not ready. I thought it was because I thought he would have rather been with my friend then rather than me. I didn't say anything all evening cauz I thought I was overreacting.
Then I realized that it wasn't Barry;s aggressiveness, nor who he was fantasizing about (cauz she is not only hot but incredibly sweet) but rather it took me back to that night with the juiced up bouncer ... My closest encounter with date rape.
Now in the past I would have continued to stew rather than address the issue and talk about it. I knew Barry would NEVER want to hurt me but I didn't give any indication that there was a problem.
So when I went to bed, I opened up and told him how I felt. I know he felt really bad and it had nothing to do with his intentions or what he did. It was a set of circumstances that just got out of control. He made me promise that if I ever start feeling that way, I would speak up and ask him to slow down.
The reason I'm sharing this? Because I know there's far too high of a percentage of women who have been abused, raped, etc., who have had really bad sexual experiences. And I just wanted to encourage you to speak up. Chances are that if you're with someone steady, he'll understand if you get freeked out. It's so important to share that experience with someone you're involved with because you never know when the past is going to rear its ugly head.
As I said before, its so very important to talk to someone if you've experienced any type of abuse or even just a sexual experience that left you scared and feeling out of control.
And if you need someone to talk to, just drop me a line @ firstname.lastname@example.org. I can't fix it, I just lend an ear and give you my support.
We have to learn to take care of ourselves and each other.
Hugs to all