Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Soul searching

When I started this journey it was about getting fit and healthy, and that's what a lot of this blog has been about. I try to encourage others, be an example of what can be done. What I have done hasn't been miraculous and certainly hasn't been without its share of ups and downs ... of frustrations and questioning.

I do know that I cannot go back to the way things used to be. I can't carry that weight anymore. I can't be so tired and drained and directionless. So many changes have occurred on this journey. Not only have I removed a bunch of fat, gained a bunch of muscle, I've gained confidence. In who I am and what I do ... for a living and as a human being. I'm not afraid to look at people.

It's been a strange occurrence ... to have people actually look at me, look me in the eye, to smile at me. At first I thought there was something wrong. Did I have something on my face? Were my clothes askew? What was wrong? I finally realized that it wasn't about what was wrong, but rather what was right. The confidence is there. I've been told I look approachable. People start talking to me when I'm out and about. Guys (usually black guys ... I certainly don't mean any offence ... I love them ... they so much less inhibited than us "white folks") smile and say "hey".

If I can make somebody smile, encourage someone, especially when they're down, be some sort of positive influence on just one person, I'm a happy camper.

I've questioned myself a lot over the years...questioned my purpose in life. Some people do such spectacular things with their lives, I feel a little intimidated and inadequate. But then I realize that we're all here for our own purpose. And whether that's to be a great parent and raise great kids, to care for parents or other loved ones when they ill, to generally be a positive role model for others ... so other people can see what a difference they can make ... we don't all have to be Mother Teresa or Ghandi or a surgeon or missionary. Just being that best "you" that you can be ... is a life well invested.


  1. Wow, great post. You're a beautiful person inside and out, it shouldn't be a surprise when people notice.


  2. I have those same doubts about myself all the time. Just recently on Thursday. Something to do with my 42nd birthday I guess. I still haven't figured it out yet, my purpose in life, and such. Probably my purpose is to wonder for the rest of my life what my purpose is...