Overwhelmed by emotion

I was working out this morning ... cardio and abs day.  After my cardio, I looked in the mirror in the gym and realized just how far I've come since last March.  I know I have a long way to go but to look, and really see, the progress that I've made ... I found it rather overwhelming. 

Because I've never stuck with anything (other than my marriage) for that long.  I've tried and failed so many times ... I let others influence me.  I've let others' lack of support and encouragement deter me from  reaching my goals.  It's been tough.  The first 5 months, I didn't feel  like I was making much progress.  But I kept bouncing around, trying to find something that would stick, that would erase these pounds.

Once I stuck with one program, rather than trying to merge a couple of them and changing every few weeks, I gave it a chance to work.  And yes, it was the Body for Life program.  I was beginning to lose faith;  in myself, in the program; in my ability to EVER get rid of this fat.

But I did stick with it.  And now I'm seeing the results.  I got into a shirt yesterday (a former co-worker called it geometrically disturbing) that looked ok.  A little better than ok actually but I'm still not ready to wear it.   As long as I'm standing it's ok but I knew I'd be sitting and that just shows off all the rolls and I really didn't want to promote that any more than necessary.

I haven't taken my measurements in such a long time.  But my friends at work are really noticing and commenting.  And that just encourages me more to stick with it ... I've come so far, to quit now would be stupid.

Bill Phillips talks a lot about honouring self-promises.  And how by not honouring them, you break down your self-trust.  And start to doubt yourself.  You lose faith in yourself.  But it's amazing how your life changes when you make up your mind to accomplish something and stick with it.

So if there's something you want to do, make a plan, stick with it, and if you need any encouragement, without any recriminations, I'm here for you.  Because I know what it's like...

Combatting negativity

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So I received a wonderful comment from Jennifer Fabulous on yesterday's post. Thank you so much Jennifer. You actually gave me my topic for today, which is combatting negativity. I'm kinda talking to Jennifer, but I hope others can take something from this as well.

It's unfortunate that parents can be so toxic. You look fabulous (appropriately enough) and while you may have gained weight in the past year, I'm sure you're still the same person. I sure hope so. And that's what's important for your parents to remember. Maybe you're not. Maybe there's been a lot of crap happening which has altered your outlook. the parents certainly aren't helping. But please, please, please, don't let them stop you from accomplishing what you want to do, whether it's lose weight, get healthier, whatever. My naturopath told me at I think it was our last meeting that if I focus on getting healthier, the weight will come off. Big tip btw, if you seriously want to get in better shape ... measure and weigh yourself once a month ... your body will change. I have no idea how many pounds I've lost. Everything just seems to be shifting, which is good, but society has basically convinced us that we have to look a certain way, meet certain criteria. Why, I have no idea.

How boring would it be if we all looked, acted and thought the same? there wouldn't be any need for more than 1 person because there would be no variety. I keep saying it, 'cause it's true (at least in my opinion) that we need to embrace our own uniqueness and just accept each other as we are. And if you don't feel like you're up to tackling your weight issue right now, then don't.

Bill always says not to wait until everything is perfect and the stars are aligned before starting on your quest. But I've tried many times to get fit when there's a pile of other crap happening ... and until you can truly make that commitment, it probably won't happen. And that's not meant to discourage anyone from trying. I'm just saying don't beat yourself up if you can't get it together quite yet. Just try to maintain until you're ready to commit.

But then there are others who can rise to the occasion and really harness their inner strength during adversity. I wish I had been one of them. Unfortunately I wasn't able to get it together until my chaotic life settled down.

On another note, it's been really tough lately to keep a positive attitude at work. There's been a lot of upheaval where I work. Fortunately things have calmed down in one respect but there's been some dissention within the ranks and it's really challenging to just go into work every day with a big smile on my face, stay positive, stay encouraging and ignore all the B.S.

I've been watching So You Think You Can Dance while I'm blogging (multi-tasker at work again), and one of the contestants just said that "purpose of us being here is to share with other people". OMG I love that quote. Because I really do believe that we are here to share and to uplift and encourage and empower each other; not tear each other down.

So let's all try to make this world just a little bit better by helping and encouraging each other and just ignore all the crap. My answer ... MP3 player. Works wonders...

"When you make a change, you make a difference"

So I've been following the Body for Life program for some time. A while back I had invested in the Body for Life Journal. Each day Bill writes a Lesson for Life. So I thought it would be great to use the lesson as a jumping off point.

I've been working hard to get myself back in shape. Will I ever look like I did when I was in the best shape of my life (22)? Who knows. It's not impossible. It might take me a while ... I'm a long way from 22. OMG that was half my lifetime ago. Chronologically. Of course I don't feel, act or look it (so I've been told). And I think you only get better with age....

So I've been making changes. To my nutrition, my workouts, my habits. And they've been paying off. I can only hope that by being an example to others, I can encourage them to tackle whatever it is they want to accomplish. Better health, weight loss, changing a job ... whatever it is that they want to do but they have something that's holding them back.

Not only am I eating healthier and making wiser choices when I go out for meals, I have more energy to keep going all day. I finally found the nerve to start complimenting people ... on what they're wearing, what they're doing, what they say ... whatever. I used to think it all the time but I was afraid to speak up. Of course people I know, it's easy. Total strangers ... not so much. But I've always admired people who can. And I always wanted to. So slowly but surely I'm speaking up more. And most people appreciate it. And if I can put a smile on someone's face, I've accomplished my mission.

So speaking of change, I thought this would be a good place to share my changes. The before pics were taking about 15 months ago ... then after just 1 week ago. I've had a few setbacks since starting my journey in Sept 08. Spent most of last winter sick (colds, infections, whatever ... nothing critical though thankfully) and wasn't able to work out for almost 3 months. But I started in earnest on March 22, 2009 and have only missed 2 weeks recently because of a sinus infection that put me out of commission.

If I can encourage one person to make a change from this ... I'm a happy girl.

Patience needed

It's really hit me the past few days. We seem to have become a society that's impatient, self-absorbed, intolerant. Maybe it's the GO train community ... maybe they're former TTCers. Pushy, impolite, rude, just gotta get in to get that seat even if you have to step on, push aside or smack somebody else with your umbrella, purse, napsack. It used to be such a civilized mode of transporation. And it's still a damned site better than the TTC. But this is not meant to be a rant. Did that. Don't need to repeat right now.

I'm a firm believer in "pay it forward". Hold a door open for someone else, whether they need it or not. It's just the polite thing to do. Man or woman, doesn't matter. I was getting off the train tonight and I heard a woman say to a man, you're losing your (coat) belt, and caught it for him. Even a smile goes so far. I know I always feel better when someone smiles at me ... if I'm paying attention enough, I tr to make sure I smile back.

People don't need grand gestures ... even the little things can make a person's day. Like saying "I like your shoes". Yes, I have a little shoe fetish.... It can make a person's day.

It always amazes me how pleasant and polite and happy people can be during the Christmas holidays. Why can't we be like that all year round.

I'd like to issue a challenge to anyone interested ... make it a habit of complimenting or encouraging at least 1 person every day. It's amazing how good it'll make you feel.

I do have a confession to make. This is not really my idea. Bill Phillips writes about the "Universal Law of Reciprocation" which is basically what I've said above. It helps us get outside ourselves a little and encourages someone else. You never know when your encouragement or compliment can make someone's day when they're having a really bad one.

Soul searching

When I started this journey it was about getting fit and healthy, and that's what a lot of this blog has been about. I try to encourage others, be an example of what can be done. What I have done hasn't been miraculous and certainly hasn't been without its share of ups and downs ... of frustrations and questioning.

I do know that I cannot go back to the way things used to be. I can't carry that weight anymore. I can't be so tired and drained and directionless. So many changes have occurred on this journey. Not only have I removed a bunch of fat, gained a bunch of muscle, I've gained confidence. In who I am and what I do ... for a living and as a human being. I'm not afraid to look at people.

It's been a strange occurrence ... to have people actually look at me, look me in the eye, to smile at me. At first I thought there was something wrong. Did I have something on my face? Were my clothes askew? What was wrong? I finally realized that it wasn't about what was wrong, but rather what was right. The confidence is there. I've been told I look approachable. People start talking to me when I'm out and about. Guys (usually black guys ... I certainly don't mean any offence ... I love them ... they so much less inhibited than us "white folks") smile and say "hey".

If I can make somebody smile, encourage someone, especially when they're down, be some sort of positive influence on just one person, I'm a happy camper.

I've questioned myself a lot over the years...questioned my purpose in life. Some people do such spectacular things with their lives, I feel a little intimidated and inadequate. But then I realize that we're all here for our own purpose. And whether that's to be a great parent and raise great kids, to care for parents or other loved ones when they ill, to generally be a positive role model for others ... so other people can see what a difference they can make ... we don't all have to be Mother Teresa or Ghandi or a surgeon or missionary. Just being that best "you" that you can be ... is a life well invested.

Encouragement and Understanding

Things have been going a little crazy at work lately. Like nobody else is experiencing THAT one. But I'm happy to still HAVE my job, which for the most part I enjoy. It's not boring even though reviewing commercial leases SOUNDS boring, but there's always something to learn. A couple of my co-workers have been laid off recently. But they're expected to work until the end of next week which is really hard.

So I've been trying to encourage them and stay positive. It's amazing how just a little encouragement helps people. Whether it's work, a fitness program, a new hobby, whatever. I think we got so caught up in "the grind" that we forget to encourage others. It doesn't cost us anything. Just a couple of minutes. And it can mean the world to someone. Because we never know what other people are going through.

One of my girlfriends was coming up the escalator at the GO station this morning and the "rule" is to stand right, walk left. A guy was stopped on the left side, texting. She politely said "excuse me" which he ignored. So then she responded "why do you have to be so rude", to which he looked back, smirked and went on texting. As she approached our "spot" where I was waiting, she turned to the guy and said "hope you don't get hit by a car" to which he smirked. Of course our initial response was "how RUDE". And while there was no need for him to stand in the way (he could have moved to the right ... instead he made everyone else walk around him), and I admit my initial reaction was "you're really not THAT important that it can't wait until you're stationary somewhere". But then it occurred to me. Maybe it was something important. Maybe it was earth shattering news and he simply couldn't wait until he got into "position". For those who do the whole commuter train thing ... you'll understand.

I'm trying very hard to remind myself that while things may appear to be one way, we really don't know the other person's situation and should make judgements. Cause we never know when we'll need someone else's understanding.

So have a great night ... the weekend's almost here. And Barry and I are off to see Chris Botti (contemporary jazz musician ... he plays the trumpet) tomorrow night so we'll be in touch on Friday! Enjoy.