We all have them. We might not admit to them, but we all have them.
We were at a wonderful family (Barry's) BBQ yesterday.
Barry's brother and his fiance were there,
his sister and her significant other and her 2 sons,
Barry's cousin and her husband
She's become my cousin and I love her very much as I do the entire family.
and of course Barry's mom and her husband were there
We even had a special guest .... meet DJ Master Punjabi Singh. You'll meet him again soon.
It was an afternoon filled with love and laughter and very, very special to us. As with all families, they've had their struggles but everyone's in a great place now.
Barry and I have had some challenges along the way but thankfully nothing insurmountable, and we've always had a great relationship. His brother and sister have not been so fortunate, mostly with their choices of mates, but they're both in a fabulous place now. Barry's nephews have gone through a lot but somehow, at 13 and 16, they're both great kids. His cousin had a tumour on her pituitary gland and went through hell but she's been very fortunate to have an awesome husband and they have a great life together. And mum has had her share of challenges but she's in such a good place now and I'm so happy for all of them. I am so unbelievably grateful that we have been so blessed.
So back to my original thought. During our visit yesterday, someone commented on how insecure she was and how fat she felt. We all said "try looking like us" so to speak. And I guess my hubby has been rubbing off on me, cause then I turned around and said "but that's how you feel and I understand that" to which she said "thank you" ... for validating that this is how she feels about herself. Whether anyone else understands it or not. And she's entitled to feel how she does ... we all are. And I realized then that it's so easy just to quip back "oh puleeese" to someone who is much thinner when we are not. But that's not right. They are entitled to feel the way they feel, regardless of whether we agree with them or not.
I think women, more so than men, often have a distorted image of themselves. I know I do. I totally acknowledge that. I'm not sure any more whether what I'm seeing in the mirror is truth anymore or not. Some days I look in the mirror and think "damn girl you're looking good" and other days it's "crap ... I've been working so hard to make progress and it looks like I'm right back at the beginning again". I know in my head I've made progress. It's just getting my eyes to see the same thing that's the hard part.
I have a very strong need for approval; for encouragement. Is that being a little self-centered? Perhaps. But I figure as long as I balance it with encouraging others, I'm not completely lost.
Insecurities are not something you can just "get over". How do we deal with them? How do we keep our insecurities from running/ruining our lives? I'm not sure. If you know, please let me in on it. I do a lot of self-talk to keep myself from completely losing it. My head knows things even if my heart does not. So my head tries to talk to my heart ... sometimes it listens ... sometimes it doesn't.
I think it's really important to surround ourselves with people who encourage us, who lift us up, who acknowledge that if we're insecure about something that we're entitled to feel that way, but don't let us wallow in it. It's a fine line. I don't have all the answers ... I think think anyone does. We just have to keep on keeping on and do our best. Whatever that is.
I just wanted to also say thank you. You are so very encouraging, very supportive, and it means the world to me. We need more people like you in this world.