Sunday, July 11, 2010

Insecurities ... and family fun ....

We  all have them.  We might not admit to them, but we all have them. 

We were at a wonderful family (Barry's) BBQ yesterday. 

Barry's brother and his fiance were there,

his sister and her significant other and her 2 sons,

Barry's cousin and her husband

She's become my cousin and I love her very much as I do the entire family.

and of course Barry's mom and her husband were there

We even had a special guest .... meet DJ Master Punjabi Singh.  You'll meet him again soon.

It was an afternoon filled with love and laughter and very, very special to us.  As with all families, they've had their struggles but everyone's in a great place now.

Barry and I have had some challenges along the way but thankfully nothing insurmountable, and we've always had a great relationship.  His brother and sister have not been so fortunate, mostly with their choices of mates, but they're both in a fabulous place now.  Barry's nephews have gone through a lot but somehow, at 13 and 16, they're both great kids.  His cousin had a tumour on her pituitary gland and went through hell but she's been very fortunate to have an awesome husband and they have a great life together.  And mum has had her share of challenges but she's in such a good place now and I'm so happy for all of them.  I am so unbelievably grateful that we have been so blessed.

So back to my original thought.  During our visit yesterday, someone commented on how insecure she was and how fat she felt. We all said "try looking like us" so to speak.  And I guess my hubby has been rubbing off on me, cause then I turned around and said "but that's how you feel and I understand that" to which she said "thank you" ... for validating that this is how she feels about herself.  Whether anyone else understands it or not.  And she's entitled to feel how she does ... we all are.  And I realized then that it's so easy just to quip back "oh puleeese" to someone who is much thinner when we are not.  But that's not right.  They are entitled to feel the way they feel, regardless of whether we agree with them or not.

I think women, more so than men, often have a distorted image of themselves.  I know I do.  I totally acknowledge that.  I'm not sure any more whether what I'm seeing in the mirror is truth anymore or not.  Some days I look in the mirror and think "damn girl you're looking good" and other days it's "crap ... I've been working so hard to make progress and it looks like I'm right back at the beginning again".  I know in my head I've made progress.  It's just getting my eyes to see the same thing that's the hard part.

I have a very strong need for approval; for encouragement.  Is that being a little self-centered?  Perhaps.  But I figure as long as I balance it with encouraging others, I'm not completely lost.

Insecurities are not something you can just "get over".  How do we deal with them?  How do we keep our insecurities from running/ruining our lives?  I'm not sure.  If you know, please let me in on it.  I do a lot of self-talk to keep myself from completely losing it.  My head knows things even if my heart does not.  So my head tries to talk to my heart ... sometimes it listens ... sometimes it doesn't. 

I think it's really important to surround ourselves with people who encourage us, who lift us up, who acknowledge that if we're insecure about something that we're entitled to feel that way, but don't let us wallow in it.  It's a fine line.  I don't have all the answers ... I think think anyone does.  We just have to keep on keeping on and do our best.  Whatever that is.

I just wanted to also say thank you.  You are so very encouraging, very supportive, and it means the world to me.   We need more people like you in this world.


  1. Honey, from conversations I've had with women over the past year I can very comfortably say that you're the rule and not the exception. Most people have insecurities, some are just better at hiding them than others.

    The struggle between heart and mind is nothing new. You and I are both emotional people, and our heart tends to over-ride our mind because I think in the end it's what we'd rather listen to. (Very evident when shopping!)

    You're getting there, you know you are but it never comes fast enough. Please don't be too hard on yourself; look to where you want to be and you'll get there. Just keep believing in the process and in yourself. I do.

    Love you forever.

    PS: DJ Master Punjabi Singh thanks you for posting his picture. :)

  2. Wonderful post Sandy. I'm so happy that everyone is doing so well. As you well know, B's family means a lot to me, and I'm very happy that everyone is with who they are supposed to be with. We've all been through a lot of crap and personal problems, marital problems. It's really gratifying to see everyone came out on the winning end.
    We have also been facing some body image challenges (well, you know who has). I completely understand. It's not enough to say "Well, I don't think you are f*t (overweight, whatever). C-M and I were talking in bed last night, and she is feeling the same way about herself. So we are going to try and eat better and healthier. It's pretty weird that you posted about this right around the same time we are going through this.
    Luv and miss you guys

  3. i totally agree, I have many insecurities, and my image of myself is pretty horrible. I have been inspired. like many other times before with your post.Thank you so much for your thoughts and words they are as beautiful as the person they are coming from. :)

  4. My friend... insecurities is really our "EGO" taking over. We are all affected by it (myself too!!) - if we can seperate what is ego from what is real ... Euphoria.. I too am looking for the magic recipe to this.

    You may not realize fully just how much your support meant to your family member ... I look in the mirror and I no longer see me... yet people say how lucky I am to look how i do .. usually followed by your "almost" like you use to look. Deep down I know its Ego - that is haunting me, taunting me - but emotionally it doesn't matter. I have a couple of friends who are very supportive and they understand my "loss" - having great positive people around I feel is key - to staying positive.

    What a nice family you all are - great pictures of everyone!!! Stay true to you and you will Climb Mountains... never stop believing in yourself!!! cheers, HHL

  5. First off, great photos of your family. It's amazing you that you have a great connection with your husband family!

    Insecurities! Ohh life would be so much easier without them. We live in strange world, we feel the pressure to fit into the standards that our society gives us. We must be slim, very athletic, funny, always with fixed hair and so on!

    You know beauty comes from within, the more I am doing all those things because I want to not because I have to the happier I am.

    The inner growth is the key. I am working hard lately on fixing and reprogramming my way of thinking but I let myself to be vain and to spoil myself. It;s my pleasure I am giving to myself and I am loving it! Have fun in being you!

    Sweetie I have a new url for my blog! Please update your blog roll!

  6. EVERYONE has insecurities... absolutely EVERYONE. Girl, I walk down Lincoln Road in South Beach and I swear this chicks just DON'T EAT. I want to shove bread and butter down their throats and make them chew on pork grinds. Ha!

    And why is Barry so goofy?!?!?

    Love it:)

    PS. You look great!!!!!!!!!!!!