The new me ...

So here I am ... the new and improved me ...

This is more or less my natural colour.  One of my favourite dresses.  Standing in my front hall.  Fresh from the salon.

It's been quite a hit.  A few people at work didn't even recognize me ... Interestingly enough, I'm dressing better, wearing makeup, wearing heels at work, and I'm far more confident than I was.  Why?  Because I decided to be.

I got sick and tired of the same old same old.  Tired of the complacency.   So I'll get up and work out in the mornings, eat healthy, stop procrastinating (my biggest downfall) and enjoy my life.

The past few years since Barry's accident, I felt like I was along for the ride.  I wasn't there yet.  I wasn't ready for a big change in my life.  I don't quite know how to explain it.  But now I feel like I'm more on par with where he is at.  Different.  But similar.

And together ... we're unbeatable!  I've always wanted to be a positive role model ... I feel like the stars have finally aligned ... and it's time to make the most of my life.

I hope you'll join me as I make improvements to my life ... and hopefully bring a little joy to yours.

SOS

It's time for a change.

I'm not really sure what's happened to me this week.  It feels like I've reached a crossroads in my life. I feel like I've been stagnant for months.  I feel like I've been in overdrive since April.   I need to slow down, to take more time for me, to do the things for myself that make me happy.

Don't get me wrong, spending hours outside, in the fresh air and sunshine and nature all around makes me happy.  But it's been a huge amount of work this year.  We've probably been more social than any year past and I wouldn't trade it  ... but it's time consuming and, quite frankly, tiring when it's ever weekend for months on end.  I need some down time.

So I've made some decisions.  I'm changing my look.  I'm changing my discipline when it comes to nutrition and workouts.  I'm getting off the couch, away from the TV and on the computer and reading more often.  Although I have to admit, my TV time at night is my way of decompressing from a long, tiring, mentally taxing day.  I can shut my mind off.  I'm going to stop procrastinating and get back to making sure the house is organized and things don't get put off.  Like cutting up veggies so we have fresh veggies to eat.  Like painting my toenails (it took me 2 weeks to paint my nails ... every day saying I would do it and not) so I'm not ashamed for people to see my feet.   I'm changing the way I attack my job.  I've let fear and lack of self confidence cripple me for far too long. 

In short, it's time to get control of my life.  Of our finances.  Of my career.  Of my body and my health.  I am, however, keeping my most wonderful husband ... I couldn't do any of this without him.

So .... say goodbye to this look (profile pic) .... and be prepared to meet the "New Sandy" ... she will be revealed soon.

I miss you Mom ....

Now don't go getting worried about me or feeling too bad for me.  Yes, I miss my mom.  She died 3 years ago today.  I was so happy for her.  She had a laundry list of health issues and the last 4 1/2  years of her life were spent in a nursing home.  She had vascular dementia (not as bad as alzheimer's but I still couldn't take care of her at home).  Toughest decision I have EVER had to make was to put her in a nursing home ... the place she vowed she'd never go to.  I felt like such a bad daughter .... but I knew I was doing what needed to be done for her to keep her safe and well cared for.  And, quite frankly, to keep my sanity.

I probably have a little different view of illness and death than a lot of people.  I can thank my sister partly for that, for which I'm grateful.  Not that I'm ready to lose anyone else close to me but when it's time, it's time.  Mom was 80.  She had a lot of health issues but there's something about that generation ... they're far hardier than the younger generations (mine included I think).  She just kept going and going like so many of them.

I shall have to scan a couple of my favorite pics of my mom and post them.  Maybe in my "wedding" post.  We got married before digital cameras were common (or affordable) so everything is in print.  I'll have to work on that as soon as I have a few hours to devote to it.

I will admit it ... today was a little rough.  I started tearing up when I thought about her too much.  But I know she's in a better place, finally joining the rest of her family.  Mom ... I trust you are dancing your heart out ... listening to music all the time ... doing the things you loved to you.

Love you!

I have the best (blogging) friends

I am so blessed to have met some amazing people in this community.  My cheering squad.  The people who always support me, always lift me up, always love me even when I'm not the most consistent.

Thank you. I love you more than words can say.

Please allow me to re-introduce myself ....

This has been a crazy, crazy year.  I've decided that a re-birth, so to speak, is in order.    I don't think I've ever done this before, but here's a bunch of random things about me that you may or may not know.

(this pic is from my garden ...

2 different flowers on the same plant ..

says so much about me)

• I'm 46 going on about 25.  I refuse to acknowledge that I'm less than 4 years from 50.  But in reality ... what is any age supposed to act like?  I believe it depends on your lifestyle.
• I'm married to an amazing man.  He's perfect for me.  No perfect ... just perfect for me.  I can't think of anyone who would put up with either one of us this long ... 19 years together!
• I'm an avid, avid gardener who thinks nothing of spending 6 or 7 hours out in the garden, weeding, moving plants, watering, etc.  I sometimes find it hard to just "sit" and relax and enjoy the gardens unless I have someone else out there with me.
• I love dance.  I love to dance.  I love to watch dancing.  My mother gave me the choice at age 13 ... pursue dance or modelling.  Needless to say I chose modelling ... it was "experience".  I think the closest thing to a regret that I have in my life is not dancing.  C'est la vie!
• I don't believe in regrets.  I'm sometimes sad, sometimes wistful about certain things.  But I don't believe in regrets.  You can't change the past ... only learn from it and get on with life.
• I love my friends and family.  I've even been known to totally fall in love with people I've never physically met.  **** you know who you are :) *****
• I'm still struggling with my body.  I know where I've gone wrong.  I know how to fix it.  I just have to get my sorry butt out of the bed in the mornings to work out, stay more active during the day, stay off the couch at night ... and watch what I eat.  No problem!  lol
• I love music.  All kinds of music.  It all depends on my mood.  Sometimes it calms me, sometimes it energizes me, sometimes it just makes me happy....
• I have a very short attention span.  Explains so much about me....
• I love fashion and shoes although this summer I have pretty much lived in about 6 outfits and 1 pair of flats.  Got a little sloppy.  And it shows.... :(
• I love working out, especially resistance training.  There's something so gratifying about lifting or pushing more weight than I did the last time.  I love being strong enough to open doors without difficulty (this is my pet peeve about some women).  I love being pretty self sufficient.  Barry loves that I can help him carry 18' lengths of 2x10 pressure treated beams.  FYI ... they are bloody heavy!
• Our bedroom and bathroom are in the basement of our house.  The dressing room is 10' x 11'.  The closets in the upstairs room are tiny.  Any wonder why we're downstairs (of a bungalow)?
• I love to make people smile.
• I'm very social and will talk to almost anyone.  Gets me in trouble at work. ;)
• I hate confrontation.
• When I'm around a stronger personality ... I withdraw.  When I'm around a quieter personality, I become more assertive.
• I love that people feel comfortable enough with me that they feel they can tell me anything and it won't get around.
• I wanted to be an auto mechanic when I was 13.  And yet I don't even drive.
• I work in commercial real estate, preparing and reviewing legal documents.  I sit in an office all day.  But I'd rather be outside.  Funny where life takes you sometimes.
• My job is very mentally taxing so I become a couch potato at night to relax.  Barry has a more physical job and he relaxes by writing and conversing online.
• I'm finally ready to make some serious changes in my life.  Time to take control  of my life and not let anyone push me around....
• I'm looking forward to getting to know you better.