Update Sundays

OMG I can't believe it's been almost a week since I posted.  It's scary how fast a week can go by.  This one isn't looking any better.  Barry's got a dinner on Monday night, I've got a company picnic Tuesday afternoon, Barry's got the rehearsal dinner on Wednesday night and I've got lunch on Wednesday with a girlfriend, Thursday we're off to the market after work (fortunately that's usually fairly quick) and then Friday I really hope we can come straight home, have dinner and chill 'cause then we've got the Wedding Saturday (of course I have to get my nails and hair done first then go to the hotel and finish getting ready), then it's brunch on Sunday with the group then it's home in the afternoon, and chilling on Monday.  Take a freeking breath!

Anyway, 6 days and counting to the wedding and I'm super excited.  It should be a great party.  I've got a ton of fresh foods in the house, Barry BBQ'd a bunch of meat, the veggies are cut up and the fruit salad is made.  So we're set for the week.  Except for the pizza and the Hagen Das but just because they're here doesn't mean that I have to eat them.  I'm going to be too freeking busy anyway.

I'm feeling good about the dress; got a pair of gorgeous, simple champagne coloured pumps for the wedding for a whopping $25!  One of my missions at lunch this week (I only have 3 available) is to find a champagne clutch. 

My workouts were pretty inconsistent last week but at least my nutrition was ok.  This week the focus is on making sure I make every single one of those workouts.  Today I went for a 45 minute power walk, then came home and did my ab routine.  I probably haven't eaten enough today but I can live with that.

I also decided to make a long term goal for myself.  By May 24, 2011, I will be in a bikini.  I may only wear it in the backyard to sunbathe, but I will wear it and I will look great in it.  So I certainly have my work cut out for me.  I have less than 9 months.  I think I need to focus, work hard and really focus on my nutrition.

I hope you all have a great upcoming week and I'll try to stay consistent with my blogging, despite a hectic schedule, cause after all, you inspire me so much to work hard.  How could I possibly let you down?

SOS

Sex and Intimacy

Ok so we're back to serious topics.

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I'm not sure where to begin. Hell, I don't even know how it happened.

When Barry and I were dating, we had a good sex life. I had enjoyed sex. Or so I thought. I think in reality I had spent so many years using it as a crutch, as a "weapon" (against myself I think) that I'm not sure it was anything I truly enjoyed. I guess looking back on it some of my experiences when I was younger kinda messed me up. But one thing is for certain. I was head over heels in love with Barry. He was everything I looked for in a man. Kind, funny, good looking (even my "type" was a lot more muscular with longhair). He forced me to be more open and communicative. And I enjoyed being with him.

Then we got married and about 15 months later we moved in with my parents and although we basically had the basement, our sex life started to suffer. At first it was ok but there was so much tension, so much stress, that it was starting to become one more thing on my to do list. The stress of dealing with then caring for my parents was too much. I wasn't eating well, my workouts were good for a bit but then mom got sick and I gave those up. The weight started to pile on and the bigger I got the less interest I had in sex. This went on for years. It didn't help that our "clocks" were opposite.
But I gotta hand it to Barry. He stuck with me through the ups and downs, the weight gain, the depression, my parents, my brother (don't get me started on that one). It was so unfair. I'd push him away cauz his timing sucked and eventually he stopped trying. I don't blame him one bit.


I have a confession to make .. When he started blogging I was resentful. Something else to come between us. Never mind that I was my biggest obstacle. Never mind that he needed this. Blogging has done for him what I couldn't. It helped him through his accident aftermath. And that hurt. I was supposed to be his rock.

But the good news is that things have changed, I have a lot less stress in my life and I've lost enough weight and I'm eating much better and now I feel like I'm making up for lost time. LOL.

And in the future if things get overwhelming I'm gonna try something radical ... Are you ready for it??? I'm a gonna talk to my hubby and tell him how I'm feeling! Its just so crazy it might actually work. But I'm trying to set my life up so I don't encounter THAT again.

So I guess I would encourage the ladies that if life is getting the better of you and your sex drive is in the toilet, talk to your mate. Or a bff. Or a counsellor. Someone. Anyone. Don't make the same mistake and I did. Cauz I don't k now that most men would stick around and be faithful to someone so distant.

I wish a fulfilling, meaningful life for everyone. And if anyone tells you that sex (and I don't just mean intercourse) doesn't matter ... they're full of shit cauz it does. How do you have true intimacy without it?  Isn't that what separates a marriage from a brother-sister relationship?  It's easy to get into that rut.  I know a lot of women who say the same thing.

Now I'm not suggesting that you try to keep a guy this way. But if you're in a relationship, its one of the best parts.

So here's to great, fulfilling relationships .... All aspects.

Update Sundays

So much has been going on in my life lately, it's hard to keep up sometimes.  The days just flow into each other.

I've been fairly consistent with my workouts and eating fairly well.  Due to financial constraints we haven't been eating out nearly as much which helps ... A LOT.  Only 13 days to go before the wedding.  I tried my dress on without the Spanx.  I'm pretty sure that with them on the dress will look great.  Jewellery ... no issues, I have the perfect set (made by my sis .... or was it her daughter???  doesn't matter, it's gorgeous).  My issue ... shoes.  I have a pair of silver grey strappy shoes which look great but probably aren't the most comfy.  Then there's my black and white ones (the dress is a med purple and so pretty.  Sleeveless, draped neck, fitted through the bust, tie at the back and then (more or less) floats away from the body to just below my knees.  Then there's these ...

which are quite comfy and would look perfect.  I'll probably decide the day of the wedding.  I'm just so darned excited!  I'm so happy for Barry's brother and they are just an amazing couple. 

I took Friday off to work in the gardens.  Got LOTS done ... YAY!  It's a good thing too 'cause yesterday was crappy and today's not much better ... rained most of the morning which is great cause we DESPERATELY need a nice light steady rain for a few hours.  I'm feeling so much better about outside and I've got all day next Saturday and perhaps a little time next Sunday but I have to get my hair done next Sunday so I'll look gorgeous for the following weekend.   I don't feel like I'm living in a jungle in the back any more.  I was able to clean up the utility area which was the biggest source of stress for me.  I've cut back a pile of plants.  I still have a lot of work to do in the back before I start renovating the front gardens  but I'm not stressed now.  And I've had such a relaxing weekend ....

So it's back to the grind in the morning.  I hope you all have a great week!

So Tuesday night I walked out to my backyard, looked around and felt completely overwhelmed! I seem to have jungle out back, which wouldn't be such a bad thing except that its probably 30 percent weeds. Combined with the window well issue, all of our social commitments and work being so busy and the inside of my house needs to be dusted, cleaned, organized, etc etc. But hey, that's what winter is for.


So I asked for and received tomorrow (friday) off. Its supposed to get quite cool tonight so after Barry leaves I might just do some dusting, ironing, dishes, etc. Then it will be off to the backyard for some seriouds cleaning up.

First order of business will be watering the back gardens so I can actually weed in case we don't get any rain today.

I've got garbage to throw out, weeding, deadheading, cutting back, u name it. And I'm going to chill for a bit and sunbathe for a bit.

Put the tunes on and away I go!

I wish u all a very happy friday!

Mom

This is not going to be easy.  I really need to get away from these heavy subjects.  This will be the last of the series.  I miss the happy bouncy sex machine.  This is too much the old me.  I don't like her much.

I think it was August 24, 2008 (I'm a little fuzzy on the actual day) when she finally left us.  The last 4 years of my mom's life were hard on everyone.  The hardest decision of my life was to put her in a nursing home.  I felt like I failed her.  But I didn't have a choice.  I couldn't quit my job, I couldn't afford to have someone here full time.  She needed to be taken care of and I couldn't do it. 

She was a very strong woman though.  She had diabetes for 37 years.  3 heart attacks.  5 mini strokes.  parkinsons.  leukemia.  vascular dementia (brought on by the strokes).  high blood pressure.  depression.  i think that's it.

I sometimes feel a little cheated with my parents.  They were 37 and 42 when I was born.  Which is one of the biggest reasons I vowed not to have kids after the age of 30.  I missed out on their more vibrant years.  The biggest benefit was financial.  They were a lot more stable.  My brother talks about what it was like growing up.  I can't relate.  Things were much better by the time I came along.

My mom, like so many, could be so toxic sometimes.  How we survived each other, especially through my teens, I'll never know.  I remember her grabbing the phone out of my hand one day and hanging up on the guy I was talking to.  Never mind that I was 13 and he was 19.  His family was from Britain but he was born with black skin.  I couldn't care less.  My dad on the other hand .... and Mom was always trying to keep the peace.  So I threw a temper tantrum.  Not pretty for a 2 year old, never mind a 13 year old.

I remember her teaching me how to dance.  I wish I had paid more attention.  I remember jumping into bed with her on a weekend morning.  We'd snuggle under the covers and talk.  She wanted so much for me and always tried to steer me in the right direction but I knew better, as most kids do.  NOT! 

She made me costumes when I was little for Hallowe'en.  She loved flowers even though she didn't like to garden.  She was so happy to see me start gardening.  She always said Dad would be so proud of me.  He never saw how much I enjoyed it.  Those who knew my parents have said how proud they would be if they saw what I've done to the place.

We threw a party for her 70th birthday.  Completely surprised her.  It was great.  I was happy to be able to do something nice for her.  And we threw a 50th wedding anniversary party for my parents a couple of years after that.  We managed to get family pics at a local park that summer.  It was so nice to have the family together.  That was a few years before Dad died.

Today was a really emotional day.  I tend to ignore things for a while and then all of a sudden they hit me.  I looked at the calendar this morning and noticed that next week it'll be 2 years since mom died.  I used to talk to her about all kinds of things before she went into the nursing home.  At least I still have my sister, for which I am very grateful, even though I haven't talked to her in a while.  Our Sundays have been stupid lately.    Every time I started to talk about mom I'd start crying.  It's just my way of dealing with this.

So thanks for listening.  It's helped a lot.  Thank you.

Depression

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I seem to be on a roll. I tend to write what's on my mind. That's a scary statement lol

I guess this is kinda tied into yesterday's post in a way.

I have fought mild depression during the winter mostly for many years. And then there was probably a 7 or 8 year span that I didn't realize what I was going through until I was through it.

Most of my family has fought depression to varying degrees and with varing degrees of success.

About 2 years ago (right around the time my mom died) I decided enough was enough ... I had to do something about my weight and my health (physical and mental) or I was either going to die a slow death or they would be locking me up somewhere. I had recently been freed from a tyrant of a manager who did more to damage my confidence and self esteem than even my mom. In fact, the day before my mom's wake, I was meeting with a personal trainer. And I got to work. I was fairly consistent for a while and then I spent the winter sick. The following March started I started my "road to recovery" in ernest.

It;s amazing the difference regular exercise and healthy eating makes. The problem is, when you feel like crap, when you can't seem to get out of bed in the morning, when you just eat for comfort and convenience and not health, its awfully hard to break that habit. It starts small and then just spirals out of control. And unless you find a way to stop it, you can end up tired, listless, fat, no energy, unhappy, the list goes on. You get my point.

We all need a lifeline. Whether it's a spouse, a child, grandchild, health, whatever .... we all need to grab hold of something and hang on for dear life.

So I threw myself into the Body for Life program. I started eating more fruits and veggies, fewer bad carbs, lots of water (I still have my coffee habit but more on that in a bit). I got up every morning at 415 (THAT is brutal sometimes) to work out. I started to make a point of complimenting people, encouraging them. That was about the same time as this blog was born. And slowly, I started to feel better. You have been one of my lifelines. I made a commitment to you and I hate to let people down.

And I learned to open up and talk about stuff that was on my mind.

So I would encourage anyone who is dealing with depression, to eat healthy, get regular exercise, lots of water, fruits and veggies, limit your intake of sugar and caffeine, and talk to someone.  Start with your doctor, a teacher, a friend, a helpline.

The drug companies would have you take pills and in severe cases, its not a bad idea, combined with lifestyle change. But for mild cases, changing your lifestyle will make a world of difference. 

We need to start making our mental and physical health a priority.  Everthing else comes second.

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Sexual Abuse

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I've gotta warn you ... This is a far heavier topic than normal. I've been on a roll lately with the issue of sex but its been pretty light hearted and hopefully encouraging. One of my followers just reminded me of a darker side to sex. I was 13 my first time with a boy at school (summer before high school) who was 16 and I had a big crush on him. I didn't look 13. We were down at the lake one night. It was not a great experience but certainly not traumatic. In fact, I asked my dad to give permission to go on the pill. To which my father replied "well you could have sex with me, I can't get you pregnant". That grossed me out. When I was younger and he was leaving for the week, he'd come say good bye to me and cop a feel. I developed very early and was in a training bra at 9. I didn't tell my mom though. But I did discover that I quite liked sex, even if it was for the wrong reasons. There were a lot of guys through high school and my 20's until I met Barry.


There were a lot of guys I regretted the day after but it was my choice. The bouncer at the club my girl and I frequented was the closest I ever came to date rape. He was juiced up on 'roids and I needed more then hey baby to get ready for him. I wanted him. Big bodybuilder with a killer south african accent. He liked my girtlfriend but settled for me. Stupid what we put up with sometimes. I tried to get him to stop but he wouldn't. I got scared. He eventually figured out that it simply wasn't going to work if he didn't get me wet enough. So we had sex, he left and I cried myself to sleep. And never saw him again.

Thankfully those are my worst sexual experiences and except for my dad, it was more a case of dumb choices. I did eventually tell my mom about dad but I think it was after he died.

But I know that there are an unbelievably large number of people (mostly women but not always) who have suffered actual sexual abuse, rape. Its unacceptable. What makes people (mostly men but not always) think that they are entitled to just take what they want with absolutely no regard for how it will affect the abused?

I am by no means qualified to say what should or should not be done about it. But I do know that suffering in silence helps no one. We all need to listen a little more closely to those who are trying to tell us something but they're afraid to.

For those who have experienced abuse, please speak to someone. Please don't be afraid. Whether the abuser is a family member, a co worker or a stranger, please talk to someone. Please don't suffer in silence.

Observing People cont'd

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Its interesting to watch people. You know the ones who command your attention? There's something about them. Its unfortunate there are so few of those people around. So many just move through life without making any real impact. They seem to exist rather than truly live and love life. I came across a guy a few weeks who I responded to in such a primal way, it threw me off my game. I'm a pretty self confident person most of the time. Normally I would think nothing of checking the person out and not care whether they knew or not. This guy ... OMG he was ... well ... primal. He had this raw sexual energy about him that made me ask the owner who he was. I've known the owner of the butcher shop (meat market ... what an appropriate place for him to be). He knows I'm a little off the wall.

The guy is a bodybuilder (not surprising) and I have such a weakness for tall, muscular men. And if they're bald and black even better .... but they intimidate me a little, but I kinda like that. By the way ... Barry knows about this guy, knows my reaction and is OK with it. The funny thing is, the guy was dressed in a tshirt and overalls that were dirty (he must work with his hands which is part of the appeal) but there was still this presence about him.

So back to my original point. There's a couple I see on the train every morning. Very attractive couple - he's dark haired, she has a blonde main. They're both in good shape but there's something about them that has always caught my eye.

Tonight Barry and I were at our local Sobey's when Barry just about tripped over his tongue LOL.  There was this stunning, and I mean stunning woman.  She was at least part Asian but I've never seen anyone with her kind of features before.  You couldn't really tell what her background was.  She had a nice figure, nothing spectacular but her face more than made up for it.  She must be so used to people staring.
 
I tend to have a somewhat permant evil little grin on my face. I usually have music on and unlike most people, I've usually got my head and foot going with it. I'm not sure if this is a good thing or not.

The people I often wonder about are the ones who seem to want to be almost invisible. Between the way they walk, the way they carry themselves, the way they dress. It all seems to scream "don't look at me". I wonder what's going on in their lives ... Are they sick? Is a loved one ill? Are they going through a divorce? Are they just simply tired and preoccupied with all the commitments that life brings. I don't know why we seem to feel this need to over commit ourselves. But that's a topic for another post.

Update Sundays

OMG I'm so excited! On a whim, I checked my waist and tummy measurements Thursday morning. I'm down an inch and a half each in less than 4 weeks. Must be the sex. Its got me a lot less stressed than I was. LOL. I honestly can't believe how much more even keeled I've been lately. FINALLY. There are those who have been encouraging me to be this for many years. I've tried it before but it never worked. It was fake. I couldn't sustain it. Now this is just me. I still have bad days (Wednesday was brutal) but I'm generally much better.


I do want to thank you for all your encouragement. You've been telling me I will get into that dress for the wedding and now I truly believe that I will. 3 weeks to go. Intense workouts, strict nutrition and lots of sex. I'll get there!
 
Here's a couple of pics from my big night out last with my future sis-in-law for her stagette.  I had a blast ... drank too much, danced most of the night away, spent way too much money and I wouldn't trade it for anything!
 
 

 

 

Visiting old friends

I was reviewing a file last week and came across the names of a couple of former co-workers who I've known for roughly 20 years. We were 10 when we worked together LOL. Anyway, I emailed John and he told me Isabel was working for him again. I was so excited! They're actually both at the office that I was in for the last 3 years of my career at the company. They're a 5 minute walk from my current office.


So off I went Tuesday for a visit. OMG I felt like royalty. There were a few people still there ... I left almost 6 years ago ... but I went mostly for John and Isabel.

She said I looked fabulous ... She wouldn't have recognized me on the street. We haven't seen each other in about 10 years ... She said I looked so young (knowing I'm a little older than she is). I showed her my before picture from 2 years ago ... She was suitably impressed. We caught up on a lot of our old friends/co-workers. I work in a very large, yet very small, incestuous community. We all move around quite a bit and you never know where you're going to run into someone. The receptionist Zelma had a couple of old pics of me. OMG ... Permed brunette. YIKES! What was I thinking????!!!!!  Not to mention the clothes...
 
I saw John briefly and he was telling the girls who don't know me all about our history. I left there feeling like a million bucks!


I miss working with these people. I've been collecting people through the years. I pick up friends at different jobs, on the GO train, our neighbourhood, wherever. I love meeting new people, introducing people. And of course if you know Barry, you know everyone loves him. We tend to have rather eclectic groups at parties. There is a central core ... the rest are wildcards and I love it! Life is so special, so precious, and I just love sharing that with people.

Don't be afraid to put yourself out there and meet new people ... not just in our blogosphere... It makes life so much richer! I'm so glad I've met all of you.  You have definitely enriched my life.

Observing People

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Disclaimer


This post is meant to be a lighthearted look at observing people. It is not meant to poke fun at or put anyone down. These are my thoughts, as warped as they are. Please do take offence.

I think my experience at modelling school when I was 14 taught me how to walk, how to carry myself ... And it stayed with me.

As I'm out and about it never ceases to amaze me how poorly people walk. I think I strut more than I walk. My mom used to tease me about my walk even in my teens.

I can't believe how many women waddle. I maen, if you're 8 months pregnant and big as a house, I totally understand. The waddlers tend to be the over 40, under 5'4" crowd who are, shall we say, ample?

Please don't get me wrong. I'm not trying to put anyone down or make fun of anyone. These are strictly my observations. I suppose when you have short, heavy legs, its harder to have a smoother walk. There's also the flip flop waddle. Ladies ... While someone had the bright idea to make fancier flip flops ... And ballet flats for that matter ... And while they're realy cute, they are SO bad for you ... For your legs, your back, your overall posture. Regular flats at least have a little heel ... Half to one inch which makes all the difference.

Then there are the clumpers. There are a couple of women who I see every morning and they clump. There doesn't appear to be anything wrong with them, they just never learned the fine art of feminine walking.

Men are not exempt. There are the "light in the loafers" bouncers, the schleppers, and my absolute favourite ... The "pants are so far down my hips that if I walk normally my pants are going to fall down" crowd. Those are my favourite. I always want to go up behind them and yank their pants up ... Or down. Make up your mind! If you want to advertise your boxers, why not just show them off?

Sexuality

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I'm not sure what's happened to me recently. It's like someone flipped a switch and suddenly my inhibitions are gone and I've become very self aware.


I finally decided that at 45, it was time to stop trying to please everyone else and just be myself. And that's ok cauz I kinda like me. I'm still kind and caring and polite and everything you've gotten to know. But now there's this edge. There's a confidence that wasn't there before.

I keep saying that life is too short and we have to learn to enjoy it. So, among other things, I'm quite enjoying this new sexual confidence I'm feeling.

I think women need to tap into how they really feel and acknowledge the fact that they have needs and desires too. Some women can be just as sexually voracious as any man. And that's such a good thing.

Women have this power that men generally don't. Sometimes just the knowledge that a man wants you is a powerful emotion. Women need to tap into their sexuality and femininity more often. Its a power I can't begin to explain.

So here's to women power!

Update Time

I have been terribly remiss in my blogging. Two weeks in a row. Life tends to be a little crazier in the summer. Anyone who deals with all 4 seasons will understand. You don't really want to be indoors too much.


Anyway, enough of my excuses. On to updating.

I made the mistaker of weighing myself this weekend. And then promptly dismissed it. I haven't worked out much the past couple of weeks ... if that husvband of mine would keep his hands to himself, I might get more done, get more sleep .... LOL. ... more excuses.

Sunday I met one of my girlfriends for a powerwalk. Turned into an hour walk ... In the rain for about half of it .... No umbrella. It was good actually .... Kept us from overheating. Barry and I spent about 4 or 5 hours shovelling clay into wheelbarrels and schlepping them down the street about 15 houses. THAT was a great workout. The past 2 weekends have kinda made up a bit for lack of workouts during the week.

But I got up yesterday and went for the walk, got up this morning at 415 ... was rather resentful but did it anyway. ... Sometimes the prospect of getting my ass out of bed so early, especially when hubby is off, is too much ... but I stuck with my plan.

When we were out walking I realized that I do need to be more diligent with my lower body workouts ... Stronger legs will prevent me from getting too winded. My girlfriend was a runner but can't run right now. So she had a decent workout and I had a great workout. Even took the time to do my ab exercises. As long as the weather cooperates I'm going to start going for sunday morning powerwalks. I might even get the hubby to join me ..... LOL

Thankfully it rained on Sunday ... I might get a little weeding done this week, although I have no idea when. I'm working barry out tonight and tomorrow because I'm out wed night and he's out thursday so maybe then unless I end up with plans. We'll see how it goes.

And it turns out I can't count. This past saturday was 4 weeks to the wedding. I can get into that dress. I just have to be diligent.

My biggest struggle is nutrition. Always has been. But I can do this. I will do this.

Upcoming Wedding

Omg its only 4 weeks away!


I have been slacking something fierce and its gotta stop right now.

We've been so busy and its been so hot out that I haven't taken the time to plan my goals, my nutrition or my workouts. I haven't taken the time to ensure that the veggies are cut up and ready to eat. I haven't taken the time to ensure I have appropriate food for lunches.

And I feel like a pudgy blob!

The good news is that I got my butt out of bed in the morning despite wanting desperately to grab another hour. I'm meeting friends for lunch today but dinner will be fish and salad. We've had way too much pasta, too many fatty foods and not near enough veggies. If only Barry would keep his hands off me, I might get some work done LOL

The stagette is coming up in 10 days; the wedding in 4 weeks. I can't do a lot about the stagette but I can make some headway in 4 weeks.

Yes, I struggle a lot with consistency and time management and planning. But I never give up; never throw in the towel. I know I will get where I want to be eventually.

If I give up I will die ... in so many ways.

Pure Joy

One day months and months ago, I was on the GO Train coming home at the end of the day, listening to my music as usual. I noticed a bit of a commotion during one of our stops. I looked outside and on the platform was a well dressed, good looking bald black man, probably in his 30's. That in and of itself is enough to turn my head. The guy was listening to music through good quality headphones (rather than in ear buds) on the platform, singing and dancing away, completely in the moment, lost in his music. The look on his face was one of pure joy. It made me so happy to see someone so joyful, so not caring what others might think.

I think we all need to give into that type of pure joy, pure abandonment, and not be so self conscious ... not be so worried that people might think we're a little nutz.

I have started to adhere to this. If I have my music going, my head and or my feet are going and I generally have a smile, or at least a grin, on my face. I really don't care too much what people think. I hope I can put a smile on someone's face but if I can't, c'est la vie.

I love my life and I try to share just a little of that with everyone I encounter. I hope that after encountering me, someone will still remember, months later, that we crossed paths.

 

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A Balanced Life

I cannot believe I'm writing about a balanced life.  Me.  Little miss all or nothing.  My sister had tried for YEARS to get it through my head that balance is so important.

But alas, I have finally seen the light.  In past years, I've been so focussed on getting the house and gardens to where I want them, that I've kinda forgotten about the important parts of life ... friends and family.  And most important ... my hubby.  Today (Monday) is the 18th anniversary of my first date with Barry.  It was a wonderful night and he left at 7 a.m.   Get your minds out of the gutter, nothing much happened ... we talked all night. 

This summer, for the first time in years, we've somehow managed to balance friends, family, garden work and dealing with the unexpected.  The latest is another minor flood in the basement bathroom.  Water was coming in through the window.  Barry's post chronicles our adventures.

This weekend, we had a girlfriend come for a visit Saturday and stay over until Sunday.  Barry and I went to a strip club Sunday night (yes, they were female strippers).  He was totally stoked.  Me, I was a little bored with the stage show for the most part ... but there was this one dancer ....  And then today we worked our hineys off shovelling rock into a 6 foot deep hole.

Something has happened to me lately.  I'm not sure what it is.  My outlook on life has changed.  My attitude has changed.  I have decided it's time to work past the fears, embrace my sexuality, enjoy it, live life large and as long as nobody gets hurt, be who I really am instead of trying to be someone I'm not.

I encourage you to look deep, get in touch with who you really are, and live life large.  And don't apologize for who you are.